


The Missing Key

by Anytha



Series: Head Canon Prompts [7]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy, Canon and AU, F/M, Fitz POV, Fitz family, Friendship/Love, MIT AU, Simmons family, pre-SHIELD, teenage FitzSimmons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-01-26 11:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 58,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1686221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anytha/pseuds/Anytha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He often imagined his heart like a door: open when he chose to leave it open otherwise closed with his feelings and emotions safe and unharmed behind it. When Jemma came along, the door was opened and closed regularly but after a while, as she gained his trust, it was never closed. This was not his own doing: somewhere along the way, Jemma had found the key and could open that door and enter on her own. His heart was hers to enter as she pleased. Companion story to Tis the Season to Be Jolly in Fitz's POV. Prompt #49: Lock. Head canon series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aching_for_distance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aching_for_distance/gifts).



> -HEAD CANON SERIES-
> 
> This is the companion fic to 'Tis the Season to Be Jolly' that leosimmons(aching_for_distance) asked for. Since I'm beyond flattered that someone actually asks me to write stuff, let alone read what I write, I gave myself some time to get inspiration.  
> And here's the story all in Fitz's POV. I'd suggest to read Tis the Season for a more complete comprehension; especially for chapters 2 and 3.  
> Hope you guys like...and I hope you like your belated present, Jen... :)
> 
> The Prompt was #49. Lock.
> 
> Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.

 

* * *

-:-

He often imagined his heart like a door: open when he chose to leave it open otherwise closed with his feelings and emotions safe and unharmed behind it. When Jemma came along, the door was opened and closed regularly but after a while, as she gained his trust, it was never closed. This was not his own doing: somewhere along the way, Jemma had found the key and could open that door and enter on her own. His heart was hers to enter as she pleased.

-:-

  


_-5 years old-_

 

Leo sat down on the rug in the living room and huffed, picking up one of his toy cars.

He wanted to play with someone. But no one was there. Daddy was at work, Mummy was busy cooking dinner, Ali and Bryce were in their rooms doing homework.

Bryce had promised to play with Leo once he finished his homework. But he said that  _hours_ ago and he still hadn't finished.

Leo huffed again, putting his toy alongside the others cars.

Why didn't Bryce and Ali do their homework the day after Christmas like he did? Leo wondered why his older brother and sister hadn’t considered it.

He had done all the drawings Mrs Wilkins had told him to do two days ago. All.

His teachers told him that he was a very smart boy. Maybe he was smarter than Ali and Bryce too?

That's why he did everything first!

With that thought in mind, Leo smiled and grabbed the old firemen truck that once belonged to Bryce. His big brother didn't play with the truck any more because he said that it was broken and kept it hidden under his bed.

Leo got it out today because he wanted Bryce to play with him and the policemen truck Daddy had given him for Christmas. If he fixed the old truck, Bryce would play with him and he would surprise his big brother.

Leo grinned thinking about all the ways they could play together.

 

He just had to fix the truck. He would be like Daddy who fixed cars in his shop and that worked with all the nice tools and metal parts.

 

Leo smiled: he would be just like Daddy and fix it.

 

-:-

 

Scott Fitz walked into his house to find his youngest son sitting amidst a circle of toy cars as he was looking at an upside down truck with the utmost interest.

Whatever tiredness he had just dropped off his shoulders at the sight of his boy fiddling with a toy truck as though he was a mechanic. A grin made its way to his face, dark brown eyes lighting up.

“Hey, Leo,” he greeted his youngest, ruffling his hair affectionately. Among all his children, Leo was the only one that inherited his curly mass of sandy brown hair.

His son looked up with a beaming smile, bright blue eyes shining.

“Daddy!” He exclaimed, bouncing to his feet. “Look, Daddy, look! I fixed the truck! I fixed it just like you do with the big cars.”

Scott grinned and crouched down, examining the truck with a feigned serious expression. He stole a glance at Leo and had to bite his lip from laughing at the sombre face -so out of place- on his five year old son's face.

He had thought that Leo was playing to be a mechanic with his new Christmas present but with closer inspection, he realised that this truck was the one that he had given Bryce for his fourth birthday.

Scott's eyebrows furrowed for a moment. If he remembered well, his elder son had somehow lost a wheel, distorted an axis and broke a part of the plastic body of the truck.

He had had an idea of repairing it with some metal scraps but his wife had stopped him, saying that Bryce could hurt himself. Bryce had been six at the time and the truck had long lost its fascination; Scott hadn't seen this truck ever since.

And now, he was holding an old firemen truck that had three old and worn tires and one new one. The plastic was still chipped and missing on one corner. Scott turned the toy over and was surprised to see that wheels' axes were aligned again. He could clearly see that someone had pushed at the small metal pieces with something.

He looked in front of him, expecting to find some of tools that his son might have nicked from the toolbox in the cellar. Leo wanted to use screwdrivers and other tools but both he and Lena prohibited him from using them: he was still too young and could hurt himself.

He already felt his heart heavy at the thought of having to scold him but all he could see on the rug were toy cars, a pencil and a spoon.

A spoon that was slightly dented and bent.

Scott knew that Leo was smart.  _Very_ smart. He already knew how to read and write before starting school.

  


He couldn't have...?

  


He turned to his son who was looking at him with a worried expression, hands wrangling together in front of him and eyes glassy.

Scott smiled softly and ruffled his son's hair again.

“You fixed it, Leo,” he said, smiling widely as his son beamed at him. “Did you this all on your own?”

“Yes, Daddy!” Leo exclaimed and scurried off to the settee to grab something. Scott watched as he ran back with his new toy truck. “Look, Daddy, I found another tire here.” He pointed to a small crevice in the toy where spare parts were inserted. “And used it to fix Bryce's truck!” He then turned the toy, pointing at the newly aligned axis. “I pushed this and the truck didn’t stop moving when I pushed it!”

He looked enthusiastic of his discovery and extremely pleased with himself to have learned this on his own. Scott stared at him.

  


Leo wasn’t just smart. He was   _beyond_ that...

  


More than a little bit flabbergasted, Scott stood up.

“Well, why don't you tidy your toys a bit, yea?” He said, looking down at his son. “Mum's making dinner and you know she doesn't like that you leave your toys all over the place.”

Leo pouted.

“Bryce promised that he'll play with me after dinner!”

Scott had to hide a smile: he could clearly imagine Leo badgering Bryce to play until his older son gave in. He was glad that his two boys managed to get along despite their age difference.

“Alright, then put all the cars in order -not scattered around on the rug- and then the two of you will play.” Scott failed to hide a smile as his son dragged his feet a bit as he went to reorder his toys.

Bryce used to do the same thing. Still did...

Actually, Scott  _himself_ did that when he wasn't in the mood...

How Lena and Alison dealt with the three of them was  _beyond_ him. Chuckling slightly to himself, he walked into the kitchen.

Lena Fitz was standing by the stove, ladle in hand as she stirred some pan fried vegetables. Scott’s stomach grumbled as the scent of the roast in the oven hit his nose.

“Hmm,” he murmured, brushing a kiss to his wife’s temple. “Everything smells wonderful, love.”

Lena looked up at him and smiled.

“Welcome back home, darling,” she said softly. “Dinner's almost done. You should go clean up and then we'll all eat.”

Scott nodded.

“Ali and Bryce?” he asked, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“They're upstairs doing their homework,” Lena replied. “They have less than a week before school starts again. Bryce seemed to be particularly aghast at the thought.”

“Not surprising...” Scott laughed softly. “Leo was saying that he promised to play with him after dinner.”

His wife turned her head to him, mirth in her eyes.

“I've got the feeling that you or I will end up doing that.”

“Yeah...unless our son surprises us and finishes his school work; Ali will help him.” Their daughter had had a knack in explaining things easily.

“Leo offered to help Bryce,” Lena said with a laugh. “He said that he had already finished all of his homework and that he would help him out. Bryce laughed at him.”

“Hmm... I wouldn't be surprised if he did help him out,” Scott remarked and smiled when Lena stared at him. “He fixed Bryce's old toy truck on his own. I never told him how to do it: he understood what to do and repaired it.”

“Well, he  _is_ the son of a mechanic...”

“He's very smart...”

“And he knows that he is smart.” Lena shot him a look. “I do wonder where he got all this cockiness. Not from me.”

Scott grinned cheekily.

“I wouldn't know,” he said and winked before going upstairs. He walked to their bedroom and greeted his elder son and daughter as he passed by their rooms.

When he got his fresh change of clothes and went to shower, Scott's eyes fell on the family picture that they had taken a couple of days ago during Christmas Eve.

He worked hard and tiredness seeped out of him at times but his family was worth all of it.

  
-:-  


Lena was filing through some drawings and magazines in the living room: a customer had called her asking to put a small modification on her wedding dress due in February and the seamstress was trying to see if she could find a way to add the pattern without making the whole dress look awful.

Scott was doing the dishes since she had cooked while their children were all in their rooms. She had to admit that the house was strangely quiet and if she wasn't busy at the moment, she would wander upstairs to see what shenanigans her youngest son was pulling up.

Leo was quiet only when he was busy doing something and that usually meant trouble for his siblings or a mess to clean up for her...

He had stomped upstairs when Bryce said that he was still busy with his homework and wouldn't play with his cars after dinner. Her elder son didn't look too chagrined about it; knowing him, he'd try to do his maths work and then end up reading or playing with the new videogame he had got for Christmas.

Bryce could be tolerant with Leo and would indulge and play when he was in the mood but it wasn't a constant. Leo was a bit clingy and looked up to his brother, wanted to be with him whenever he could. He did the same with Scott whenever he was home from work.

Her little boy looked up to Bryce and Scott and adored them. As much as he loved her and Alison, he still preferred the male components of the family.

She guessed it was normal... Leo had just started school and didn't have friends yet.

Sudden shouts from upstairs brought her out of her thoughts. Lena almost jumped off of the couch and Scott all but ran out of the kitchen. They shared a glance and were going to run up the stairs when Leo bolted down and hugged his mother's knees.

Lena looked down and found her son with big watery eyes and trembling lips. Something cracked in her heart at the sight of him looking like that.

“Leo,” she said, slowly crouching down. “What happened?”

“I-I-” the boy stammered, hiccuping slightly. “I just wanted to-to help Bryce.” A fresh wave of tears fell from his eyes and he hugged his mother. “But he got mad and yelled at me.”

Scott approached them and they shared another glance. Bickering could be common between their children. All three had a healthy temper when triggered correctly: Bryce and Leo would blow off or lash out easily and then cool down while Alison had more patience but would lose it if she got fed up. And it took her a while to calm down.

Lena could clearly hear Ali and Bryce talking loudly upstairs and she wondered what had happened. Alison usually attempted to calm down her brothers but never got involved in them.

Scott must have been thinking on the same lines because he arched a brow at her and was about to go upstairs. They heard a door slam and close and Alison came downstairs.

Their daughter looked concerned.

“What happened?” Scott asked as she got close. Leo sobbed softly and tightened his grip on Lena's neck, tiny arms trembling.

It almost looked as though he was scared of what his sister would say.

Alison looked down at her brother and ran a hand through his hair, soothingly. Lena felt Leo tense and then relax as he recognised the touch, his sobs subsiding.

For an eleven year old, Alison knew how to treat small children.

“Bryce was in the study room, playing with the game of his, and Leo sneaked into his room...and helped with his maths homework,” she held out a notebook and handed it to her father. “Bryce walked in and found Leo writing on this and got mental. When I got there, he was scolding him for scribbling on his stuff but...well...” Ali looked slightly troubled. “Leo really didn't scribble or mess anything up. He got everything right.”

“What?” Lena explained and Scott flipped through the notebook's pages, eyes widening.

“He did everything correctly,” he said and showed her a page.

Lena recognised Bryce's messy handwriting on the first page, under all the printed multiplications. The second one was filled with much larger and rounder numbers that she recognised as Leo's doing: she had taught him how to write after all.

Her eyes widened when she saw that all the results were correct.

How did he do it? Leo was five years old and this was Primary 4 Maths.

Leo had always been smart, smarter than his siblings at his age. Lena didn't think that he would be this intelligent though...

“Where's Bryce?” Scott asked, looking at their daughter.

“He closed himself in his room after I told him that the exercises were correct,” Alison frowned slightly. “He muttered something about being stupid again...”

Lena sighed softly and saw Scott frown. Bryce had been saying this often, showing little bits of jealousy towards Leo whenever he was praised.

Even during dinner when Leo had proudly said that he had fixed Bryce's old truck and Scott had confirmed with a proud smile, Bryce's face had clouded a bit.

Lena felt Leo hug her closer. He didn't understand how his words and actions could be interpreted by his brother. He didn't understand that Bryce was jealous of the attention he got.

It wasn't his fault really...but the little boy felt like it was.

Scott sighed and ran a hand through his hair. She knew that he loved their children equally and that he praised Leo because he wanted him to delve further and learn more. They had talked about his intelligence and Scott was sure that their son could become anything he wanted.

“I'll go and talk to him,” he said and went upstairs. Alison looked at her.

“I can take Leo to bed, Mum,” she said, hand still playing with the mass of curls that was Leo's hair. “I'm done with my homework tonight.”

Lena smiled at her and ran a hand down Leo's back.

“What do you say, sweetheart?” She asked. “It's late and you should go to sleep.”

Leo didn't move or say anything though he wasn't crying. He just held on to his mother.

Alison crouched down too.

“Hey, Leo,” she said. “How about I read you that story that you like so much again before going to bed, hmm?”

The boy moved slightly from his mother's shoulder and peeked at his sister with wide blue eyes.

“The Jungle book?” He asked sounding hopeful. Both mother and daughter smiled: Leo had a rather soft spot for animals and an obsession over monkeys.

“Yeah.”

He grinned and nodded. Alison ruffled his hair and stood up. Lena looked at her, feeling a wave of affection and pride.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” she said softly, standing up and the girl blushed softly and shrugged.

“Goodnight, Mum,” she replied.

“Goodnight, Mummy,” Leo said and wrapped his little arm around her knees again, looking up at her with a smile.

“Goodnight, loves,” Lena replied to both, brushing a kiss on the crown of their heads. She watched as they went upstairs, Leo's smaller hand tugging his sister's.

She smiled.

Among her three children, Leo was the one that carried his heart on his sleeve. His emotions were written on his face whether he was happy or sad.

She hoped that he would stay like this as long as possible...  


-  


A couple of weeks later, the Fitzes were called to speak with Leo's teachers and they learned that their son wasn't just smart. Leo was probably a genius.

They were told that Leo was going to move ahead and join Primary 4; Bryce's class.

Lena and Scott had been a bit doubtful at first. They wondered if Leo would be at ease with classmates that were four years older than he was: he was still a little boy after all.

And they also had to think about their eldest son: how would Bryce react to the news?

The teachers assured them that everything would be fine and that their boys would learn and adjust easily.

The Fitzes believed them. And if there were any problems, they decided that they would sort them out together. Scott and Lena would never allow anything to break up their family.

  
-:-  


_-10 years old-_

  


When the bell rang, Leo quickly put his books away and walked out of the classroom. He avoided the throng of students that flooded the main corridor and headed to the cafeteria and walked outside.

He was grateful that his mother made him lunch even though she wasn't obliged to. He had asked her months ago, when he had started Year 2, after having hated the food and the chaos that was the school cafeteria.

He was used to less noise and less people usually...

He didn't mention her that he had also been teased and mocked by some of the school's boys. He didn't worry about the girls: they just ignored him.

Bryce had been rather thorough in his Hate-Leo-campaign. There hadn't been a person in the past two years that had willingly approached him to talk or make friends.

Leo was used to it now.

He had long lost hope to make friends at school when he realised that no one wanted to approach the young genius freak. He was four years younger than his classmates and yet more brilliant than anyone of them.

And in the past two years, since his father had died, Bryce had started to covertly instigate the subtle bullying.

Bryce was in the hockey and rugby team: he was popular. People knew him and most wanted to befriend him.

And his brother hated him.

All of these simple factors supplied the equation that was Leo's current situation: alone, mocked and isolated.

Everyone thought that Bryce hated Leo because of his brain and the fact that they were in the same class. Teenage social statuses were a mystery to Leo as were most of the things that his classmates did or talked about.  But he had quickly learned one thing: being in the same class as your younger brother was not good.

No one really knew the truth behind the Fitz brothers' hatred.

Bryce hated Leo because he thought that he was responsible for their father's passing.

And even though his mind told him that it wasn't true, Leo couldn't really say that he didn't agree with him.

He walked across the grounds and sat down under the shade of an old oak. It was placed at a good ten minutes walk away from the school's entrance and wasn't a place where other students would come: it was too isolated.

Leo dropped his school bag on the ground and sat down, stretching his legs. He let out a breath and relaxed for a moment, savouring the quietness and the fresh air.

His grumbling stomach made his eyes pop open and he searched in his bag and found the paper bag where his mother had put in two roast beef sandwiches, a little bag of crisps and an apple.

He drew out the water bottle buried under his notes and started to eat.

His mind drifted as he chewed on the sandwich, savouring the meat and lettuce, occasionally taking a crisp.

He thought about his Maths class and how utterly boring it was. He wondered if he could just ask to be moved to a more advanced class, something that could be a bit more challenging.

Challenging. That's what the hardest classes were for him. Difficult was not even an option now.

He had long understood that his brain allowed him to work out information faster than the others. He did precise calculations in his head, lengthy equations at lightning speed by hand and had a rather strong memory.

Studying was easy for him. Knowledge a stream from which he gained more and more information, absorbing it like a sponge.

Years ago he would have been proud, boasted about his capabilities.

Right now, he accepted them because he had no choice and felt almost shame.

Leo suddenly remembered his Dad. He had always told him to be curious and delve further into his studies and ask questions.

His Dad took him to his mechanical shop and allowed him to watch when he worked and learn from it.

He brought him scraps of metal to tinker on; he had been so proud when Leo had built a little toy car that moved on its own.

His Dad had fed his mind and heart with the thought that he could do anything. Leo had believed him.

That's why he asked -begged- to go to that science fair where he could show his new mechanical device: a small, flying helicopter built by himself.

It was a bit out of Glasgow and the other participants were old her than him but he wanted to go.

And they did go at the end. And he’d won the competition: the youngest in its decennial history.

His Dad had been so proud. His mother and sister had cheered for him.

And Leo had been so happy to prove his worth.

But then they went back to the car and back home...and everything changed.

Their life had been destroyed.

  


“ _It's your fault. Will always be your fault”_

  


Bryce's words echoed through his brain and Leo tensed. He dropped his almost finished apple on the ground, fingers tightening in clenched fists and knuckles turning white.

He felt it again. Felt that...anger. It was pain, frustration and guilt: all mixed together in a mesh of feelings that burned him inside.

Yesterday he had given in to that feeling.

He had been cornered by Bryce and his two friends, Andrew and James, just outside school, on his way to the school bus.

They never touched him. Not again at least. He had gone home, once last year, with a bruise on his shoulder after James had shoved him hard against a locker. Alison had immediately noticed and had gone mental, demanding to know who it was. At Leo's denial -he’d lied and said that he hadn't see who had done it- she reported the episode to the headmaster and all the teachers had given the students lectures about bullying.

Leo had been even more isolated after that...

However, yesterday the three had been mercilessly mocking him. He had tried to ignore them, tried to leave and just get into the bus where there were other students and the driver but they wouldn't let him move. So when he saw the bus start up, Leo dared to reply.

“Why don't you just leave me alone?”

James -among the three he was the tallest and the meanest- had laughed scornfully. Andrew quickly mimicked him.

Bryce had stared at him and then without hesitation had shoved him against the wall, hand digging painfully on Leo's shoulder.

Leo was smaller and shorter and his elder brother towered over him.

“You deserve this,” Bryce whispered angrily so that only Leo could hear. “All of this. It's your fault. It will always be your fault.”

Leo felt the need to cry but kept it to himself. The older boys took off together and left for the bus but Leo didn't follow them.

His feet moved on their own and he found himself walking home. It was a long walk: a good half an hour but he didn't bother to notice the heaviness in his legs after a while.

He felt the burning sensation in his chest: a mingle of humiliation and guilt at first. Then it turned to pain, sadness and then anger.

Before he knew what he was doing, Leo left the pavement and main road and walked into a small park, heading towards a cluster of shaded trees.

He started punching one of the tree trunks before he realised it. He didn't shout but kept gasping for breath as tears streamed down his face.

He punched and slammed his hands against the rough bark until he was exhausted and his hands felt numb.

When he got back home, he was grateful that his sister was asleep, having caught a fever the previous day while his mother was at a neighbour's house. His Mum had resumed working as a seamstress in the last few months, once she got confidant enough to move around with her wheelchair.

Leo was glad that neither women were there to notice the red marks and scratches on his hands; he had time to clean them and come up with a good excuse for them.

And now, as he sat by this tree during lunch break, Leo gritted his teeth and took a few deep breaths. He was not going to give into that feeling.

He didn't want to reach a breaking point again. Once had been more than enough.

His Mum would notice and Ali would too.

Both had just started to behave normally.

His Mum had started working again; she even smiled a few days ago.

And Ali had started to think about herself, not just their family. She didn't burden herself with everything that regarded their family -  _most of it_ but it was a start. She had started dating Alec McDaniels, son of one their Dad’s oldest friends.

He didn't want to cause them more pain.

He just had to bottle everything inside. And find a way to fix this.

Or leave.

He had been toying with the idea for a few weeks. Finishing school early, graduating and then going to university...

If he couldn't find a way to let his family heal from the loss of his Dad, he might just try to leave and allow them to heal on their own.

 

Leo sighed, feeling somehow hollow inside. He only had to find the courage to do that, feel less scared about being truly alone...

  


“Hey, Leo!”

  


He looked up abruptly, surprised that someone was actually talking to him at school and found himself staring at Alec.

“Hey,” he said slowly, wondering what he wanted. Alec was the only person besides his Mum and sister that seemed to want to talk to him but that usually occurred at home. Never outside.

“Didn't see you inside for lunch...” The dark haired boy smiled wryly. “I thought I should go find you: Alison would murder me if I lost track of you.”

“I just wanted to eat on my own,” Leo answered softly.  


-:-  


Alec looked at the younger boy, saw the paper bag that must have contained his lunch and felt a pang of sadness

He had noticed how isolated Leo was in school, how his classmates ignored him.

He knew that it was the boy's choice to be a loner. He was forced to be one because no one actually cared to befriend him.

Alec's thoughts flew to his own ten year old brother who was blissfully childish and content with being with his classmates, playing and having fun.

Leo was a child with a genius brain who wanted to have that sort of normal childhood but wasn't permitted to have it.

Alec had heard the rumours. He was an upperclassman so he had long learned how to discern the constant stream of gossip and lies that he heard in the school's corridors.

He knew how Bryce was directly Leo's isolation. How the elder Fitz and two rather obnoxious friends of his were rallying a hate and bully propaganda against the younger boy.

He didn't have any solid proof though...Only rumours that flew around about the ten year old genius that went to their school.

Alec couldn't wrap his mind over the fact that Bryce would be deliberately hurting his brother. The mere thought of hurting one of his younger siblings made Alec feel  _ill_.

He had never asked but he knew that Alison must have caught a hint of this too. She cared for both her brothers and was extremely protective of Leo. He didn't want to imagine what went through her mind as the scenario of Bryce making Leo suffer played on.

Alec had been there when she shouted in the headmaster's office after learning that someone had hurt Leo's shoulder shoving him  in the corridors.

He was there when she cried in his arms the same day as they were out together when she admitted that she didn't know how to fix her family.

He didn't want to see her suffer... He was slowly and willingly falling for her and seeing her hurt was painful.

That was the reason that had him looking for Leo today.

“Mind if I sit with you?” Alec asked, pointing at the empty spot on the ground next to Leo. The boy looked at him curiously but nodded.

Alec smiled and dropped on the patch of grass next to him, stretching his legs and leaning against the tree trunk.

“It's nice out here,” he admitted, taking a deep breath and savouring the silence around them. “It doesn't feel like being at school.”

He turned to his side and saw Leo looking at him.

“What?”

“Why are you really here?” he asked curiously.

“Can't I just want to hang around with you?” Alec asked with a hint of a tease. It was the sort of tone he used with his younger brothers and sister.

Leo arched a brow and shook his head.

“You usually ask me about my well being when you come to our house,” Leo commented. “And I know that you'd rather spend time with my sister than with me.”

If it wasn't for his matter-of-fact tone, Alec would be sure that Leo was hinting something about him and Alison.

But then he suddenly remembered that even though he was in his school, Leo was ten years old. Genius or not, he was just a kid.

A kid that was trying to behave like an adult and struggling with it...

“Alright,” Alec said, sitting straighter. “I just wanted to talk to you.” Leo didn't say anything so he continued. “You weren't on the bus yesterday.”

“I decided to go home on my own,” Leo replied. Alec noticed his tense figure and clenched hands.

“I know that you're lying but I'll pretend that you're not,” Alec watched as Leo's head twisted sharply towards him, eyes wide and confused. “I don't know what happened but I know that Bryce, James Cornwell and Andrew Finnegan are involved. They looked a bit too full of themselves on the bus.”

Leo didn't move or say anything but Alec caught a fleeting glimpse of emotion flash in his eyes; it disappeared so quickly that he wondered if he hadn't imagined it.

“I won't tell anyone,” Alec coaxed him. “I swear. Not even Alison.” He inwardly prayed that she would never ask him anything so that he wouldn't have to lie.

But Leo was still silent.

“Alright...” Alec sighed. “I can't force you to talk but listen to me. Alison is worried for you: she keeps saying that you're always alone. I noticed that too. And I don't know -can't say for sure- if Bryce and his friends are behind all of this but I could help you. I'm a senior student here and I know a lot of people. I could try to make this stop, speak to some people.”

Leo stared at him but he still didn't say a word. Alec saw his hands unclench from the the tight fists they had been and took that as a good sign.

He didn't expect Leo to trust him immediately...

“I'll talk with some of my friends and we'll see how it goes.” He stood up and dusted off his jeans. “We should be going..”

Leo picked his school bag as he stood up and strapped it on his shoulders. As they silently walked back to school, Alec recalled another matter.

“Hey, Alison mentioned that you wanted to learn how to play ice hockey,” he remarked.

“I just wanted to learn how to skate on ice,” Leo mumbled, red seeping on his face. “I told Ali I wanted to try ice hockey because of the coordination and balance it needed.”

Alec grinned.

“I could teach you this winter when the outdoor ice rinks are set up,” he said. “Or you could come sometime after school with Alison until I finish practice and learn the basics.”

Leo stared at him for a moment. He seemed to be studying him, wondering if he was honest or mocking like everyone else.

Alec held his gaze and smiled.

Leo's lip quirked on one side and he nodded.

“Good,” Alec said. “I'll tell Alison then...unless you want to tell her first.”

“I'll do it when I get back home,” Leo remarked.

They came to the front door and walked down the corridor in silence until Leo stopped and looked up.

“I suppose I'll see you later,” he said and Alec nodded. He was going to visit Alison and bring her their school work.

“Of course.”

“Bye then... and thanks.”

Alec didn't have a chance to reply that Leo had walked off to class, disappearing in the crowd.

  
-

 

A few weeks later, Alison commented that Leo was still isolated but the rumours of him being mocked or teased had decreased.

Alec realised that as long as he was there -so for the rest of the year- he could help stop Leo from getting hurt.

He didn't want to intrude or be anything more than helpful but he had started to care for the kid. It wasn't just because he was Alison's brother.

Leo needed someone to be at his back, to help him out. He needed a friend.

They could be friends, although the age difference was a hindrance. He definitely would make a brother figure since Bryce couldn't be counted on for that.

Alison had told him that Bryce was suffering too and that he was misplacing his anger and pain. All in all, Alec didn't think that he was a total bad kid either.

He just hung out with two obnoxious friends that fed his anger.

And Leo was receiving the brunt of it.

Alec decided that he would help the youngest Fitz as much as he could until he found someone else to care for him. Someone that wasn't family.

A friend that chose him.

  


Four years later, a wee bit of a girl called Jemma Simmons appeared.

  


-:-

  


_-14 years old-_

  


Leo walked back to his dorm, bag slung around his shoulder and one hand clutching a thick book on Quantum Mechanics that was filled with small paper notes, precariously clipped in and swaying in the light wind.

He had spent half an hour after class asking Professor Jensen some questions. He had little queries and specifications that helped him get a broader understanding of the application of string theory.

As he turned the corner that led to his dorm, making his way past the taller students, Leo finally felt at ease.

A month had passed since his arrival to America and MIT and he was rather enjoying being there. For once in his life, classes were not boring or repetitive but challenging.

He hadn't yet come across something that he didn't understand but there were some aspects that forced him to research on his own and study and develop further. It was thrilling: studying something that he genuinely liked and learning more and more about it.

Uni felt completely different from school back in Scotland. He wasn't shunned because he was smart than the rest of his classmates and the professors were very eager to answer his questions. He felt accepted, academically speaking.

He was still the youngest -a fourteen year in the midst of a sea of eighteen or more year olds- so he didn't really make friends. The other students were polite, some curious about him but most let him be.

Thankfully, Jemma was there with him. He wasn't alone.

He missed his family and there were times when he felt homesick. The moments had increased ever since the Dean of their residence told them that they couldn't leave for the UK until next year; that meant spending Christmas in America. The scholarship didn't cover that many plane tickets and having just arrived in America, they couldn’t leave so soon.

The homesickness would pass after he went through a list of pros and cons in his head.

His brother, his loneliness and the fact that Leo thought that his family was better without him around outweighed his homesickness.

And being home would also mean not having Jemma Simmons around and after a month of living together, Leo realised that he really didn't like thinking about it.

He never had someone to talk to about science and his studies before her. Nobody could  _actually_ understand what he was talking about.

But she did.

And she seemed to understand him better than anyone else.

That feeling that she was alike him during their first meeting in the park in London had just grown into more tangible certitude.

Of course, it had taken some time to get used to each other's presence. As much as they were comfortable speaking with each other, living together had been a completely new ordeal.

The first weeks in their new dorm had been awkward to say the least...

Everything was different.

The dorm was nice and comfortable looking. Their rooms were identical: there was a bed, wardrobe, bedside table, a desk with a few empty bookshelves and a lamp.

The common space was divided between the small kitchenette which was compact but surprisingly well furnished and a common room where there was a large couch, a solid wooden table, another few shelves scattered around and a television set.

It had taken he and Jemma a few days to distribute their possessions around the dorm and get used to their new living space.

Leo had found it awkward to share a kitchen and a bathroom with a girl that wasn't his sister. He dreaded going inside the bathroom when he wasn’t sure where she was, for the fear of walking in on her showering. They soon learned that the bloody locks on all of the doors were ancient and the keys didn't work well. That knowledge didn't help his awkwardness.

Jemma seemed to have his same thoughts because she always searched for him before announcing that she was going to have a shower...  


Cooking was a disaster for Leo. He really didn't know how to cook his meals -he was only good at making breakfast-and if it were up to him, he would have survived off of sandwiches, pancakes, crisps and popcorn.

Jemma knew how to cook: the scent coming from the kitchenette into his room the first few days had made his stomach growl. They hadn't really dealt with how to live with a stranger and how to divide up the  chores. When they had gone to buy the groceries from the mini market near the campus, they had each bought their own things and then arranged them on their shelves.

Leo wasn't bold enough to ask her to make dinner for both of them so he did what he could on his own and would 'cook' when she was done and in her room or already sitting at the table, watching something on TV.

When Jemma noticed Leo's very sparse provisions, she questioned him politely but Leo was too embarrassed to say that he didn't have clue as to what to buy and babbled a quick excuse.

He couldn’t tell her that he didn’t have a clue on how to grocery shop. She had seemed so organised: he had noticed her ticking off items from a list while they were at the market.

It was only on their third day at MIT, a week before the semester started, that Jemma noticed him eating pancakes for the third time in a row while putting away her finished plate of pasta in the sink.

She stared at him. Hard.

“ _That's_ your dinner?” She asked, approaching him at the table. “Again?”

Leo swallowed the last mouthful and nodded, warmth seeping on his face. One look at her face and he knew that Jemma had done the math.

“This is  _bloody_ ridiculous,” she said and walked into her room to immediately come back with a notebook.

That night, they drew out a chart with their chores, dividing everything from cooking to cleaning. Laundry and grocery shopping were things that they would always do together. Jemma had noticed the state of his room and had commented on the carpet of clothes decorating the floor. That along with his inability to cook anything that wasn’t breakfast pretty much defined her decision.

Leo had protested at the strict schedules, especially the ones regarding cleaning and the laundry. He didn’t mind a bit of dust and his clothes were fine as long as there wasn’t stains or marks on them.

He had almost said this all aloud but Jemma had shot him a fiery look that resembled the one Alison would give him when she was annoyed.

Alec’s words echoed in his brain. ‘Don’t you _ever_ reply if a girl glares at you like that. It’s some sort of universal rule: you’re wrong and she’s right.’

 

Leo suddenly understood what he meant...and he didn’t contradict Jemma anymore.

 

She knew better, it seemed.

 

Leo smiled slightly as he walked into his dorm's building.

They had fallen in a series of routines that were soon becoming familiar.

He made breakfast every morning and they ate together when they had early morning classes or he would just leave Jemma's plate in the oven and the kettle ready with tea.

Lunch was grabbing a bite together at the campus' cafeteria or eating the sandwiches Jemma had made, outside in the yard.

They would have their cup of tea as soon as they got back to their dorm room. Whoever came first from class -they shared very few classes together- would set the kettle.

Dinner was Jemma's business and Leo never complained: the girl always managed to cook something delicious that had him take second plates every time.

And then, during their free moments, rather than spending more time in their rooms, they spent time in the living room.

Together.

Leo would be reading his Robotics notes or doing his Physics essay while Jemma would be revising Organic Chemistry or finishing her own essay, waiting for him so that they could proof read them together.

They spent nights after dinner watching films or episodes of Dr. Who. They had discovered, back on the plane to Boston, that they shared common interests: fantasy books, Harry Potter, Dr. Who, Disney movies and a lot more...

As he walked to their dorm, Leo reached for his keys and felt at ease.

It hadn't happened in years.

He might be lonesome without his family in America but after a very long time, he’d felt accepted and in a place where he was meant to be.

He opened the door and went inside.

And, of course, having Jemma here was the biggest bonus...

  


A sob reached his ears and Leo froze, all thoughts fleeing his head.

  


His eyes frantically looked around the common room and fell upon the hunched figure sitting on the couch.

She didn't seem to hear him open the door: her hands were around her neck, fingers almost clutching her hair and tears rolling down her face.

Something twisted in Leo's chest at the sight of her looking so distraught.

He slowly closed the door, careful not to make noise and startle her. He wondered if he should approach her and ask what was wrong.

There was a part of Leo’s mind  that was telling him to leave and come back later: she wouldn’t notice it. And that might give Jemma time to calm down… Maybe she had given in to her feelings, thinking that he would be back late.

Another sob reached his ear and stopped whatever thought he had of stepping out of the door.

Leo dropped his bag on one the chairs by the living room's table before approaching her.

He was unsure on what to do...

“Jemma?” He kept his voice soft and calm despite his concern.

She looked up abruptly, almost jumping on her seat. She truly hadn't heard him and Leo felt another painful twist as he took in her appearance.

Tears were streaming down her face, her usual smile gone for a more saddened and pained expression and her eyes were watery and red.

All sorts of scenarios went through Leo's head. He had never seen Jemma with nothing less than a smile and seeing her like this worried him more than he had expected.

He swallowed dryly, imagining that something might have occurred to her family in the UK. Her parents? Another family member?

They had never talked much of their families but he knew that the Simmons' were a close knit group. If something had happened...

Leo  _knew_ how it felt: he had experienced that kind of loss in his own skin and didn't want Jemma to feel even an ounce of that pain.

“F-Fitz!” She stammered, hastily wiping her face with the sleeve of her blouse. “I-I didn't hear-”

“What happened?” He asked, slowly sitting down next to her.

She shook her head frantically, sleeve mopping her face in earnest.

“Nothing,” She tried to smile but her lips barely curved upwards before falling down again. Jemma looked down at her hands in her lap, caramel hair hiding her face

“It's not nothing,” Leo said softly, peering at her, trying to catch her expression. He sat there, hands on his knees

He honestly didn't know what to do...

He never had to deal with crying girls before. His sister rarely let her emotions down to the breaking point in front of him. He knew that she struggled with her pain when she was alone or with Alec: he had seen her reddened eyes at breakfast too many times.

  


But this?

  


Jemma shying away and keeping her gaze fixed on her hands as though they were fascinating ,while her hair covered her face and her shoulders trembled slightly?

  


No, he didn't know what to do.

  


A part of his brain told him to stay put and wait until she was ready to talk.  _If_ she was ready, that is...

But the other part -the one that was feeling oddly connected to his twisting chest at the sight of a distraught Jemma- was telling him to move and comfort her.

He knew how nice it was to have someone hold or touch him when he was sad or hurt; as a child -a genius child that experimented too much and was involved in  _too many_ shenanigans- his parents and sister would hug him often to stop him from crying. His brother would ruffle his hair when he was moody or sad.

Those little things brought enormous comfort to him at the time... the mere memory brought him comfort and heartache now.

  


So maybe...

  


He swallowed dryly as he slowly moved his hand from his lap to her arm. He paused midway, unsure again if he was doing the right thing: what if she didn’t want to be touched by him?

Maybe, if he kept the touch very light…?

His fingers gently touched the top of her shoulder, fingertips applying the softest of pressure to gain her attention.

“Jemma?”

She looked up quickly, almost a reflex to her name and his heart twisted again at the sight of the sheen of tears in her eyes and sad look on her face.

He saw how her throat moved as she swallowed, her lips parting and then closing as though she wanted to say something but words didn't come out.

 

Leo could relate to that. He knew what it meant to be in pain and being unable to explain it. He knew what it meant to put on a mask and feign that everything was alright.

 

He moved on instinct this time, no rational thought -or fear- stopping him. He moved forward and steadied the grip of his hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” he whispered, squeezing her shoulder softly and forcing her to look at him. Maybe she just needed to talk a bit. Vent.

He saw Jemma’s eyes widen and her body tensed for the tiniest of moments. Then, throwing him completely off balance, she threw her arms around his neck.

Leo froze as he found himself with an armful of a tearful Jemma and felt her let out a shuddering breath against his neck.

It seemed that she had been waiting for this.

One moment she was silent, the other she was sobbing softly, shoulders trembling and warm tears moistening his shoulder and neck.

Leo didn't bother to any of that. he was still a bit shell-shocked by the sudden embrace. He didn't speak and just let her get it out while he patted her back. He  _hoped_ that it was a soothing action...

 

It should be weird, he realised, this close contact. He should be tensing and feeling every nerve of his body alert to her close presence. Instead he just felt sadness and concern towards her and a little rush of warmth that he supposed was affection.

It was a feeling similar to the one he felt for Alison...maybe a wee bit softer.

 

Leo wondered if caring for a friend felt like this. It was the first time that he truly cared for someone that wasn't family in this way.

 

Jemma cried on his shoulder for a few minutes. Leo didn’t speak or move: only his hand went up and down her back, every now and then stopping to draw little circles on her back.

He moved his head when he felt her stop trembling and didn’t feel the tears running down her face and onto him. Her face was shadowed by her hair and his nose was suddenly buried in it as he shifted. A sweet scent invaded his senses.

She always smelt nice, something flowery that wafted out of the bathroom after she showered.

Lavender, he guessed, remembering his mother pointing the flower out to the curious little Leo and coaxing him to take in the scent.

Taking in a deep breath without even realising it, Leo moved back and brushed her hair off her face with his free hand. Jemma turned to look at him with red, glassy eyes but the small smile she shot him was sincere.

“Sorry, Fitz,” she whispered, her voice a bit hoarse. She absently touched his shirt, slightly damp by her tears. “I’m such a mess…”

He was shaking his head as soon as the apology left her lips. She drew back from him, slowly untangling herself from his hands.

“Don’t even think about it,” he remarked, feeling suddenly a bit colder. He shook the feeling away: it was confusing him...

Her lips quirked slightly up again and she sat straighter, hands moving across her face, wiping away the tear streaks.

Leo was glad that she seemed to have calmed down but he was still concerned about her breakdown.

“Do you-er... Do you want to talk about it?” He asked tentatively, unsure about the proper etiquette in these situations. He sort of wished that Alec had taught him what to do in these moments...

“I mean...if you want to... You don't have to...if-” Fluency was suddenly a very foreign concept to him and Leo could feel the ferocious blush attacking his face.

 

God, he was making a  _fool_ of himself...

 

Thankfully, Jemma seemed to have come around and have mercy of his pitiful attempt to be helpful.

“It's nothing, really, Fitz,” she said softly, her voice clearer now. “I just...well, I completely gave in to my homesickness after speaking with my Mum on the phone. Oh, I'm just being silly!” She blushed, looking away.

He stared at her: she wasn't being completely honest with him.

The news that they couldn't go home for Christmas had hit them both hard at first but, after talking about it, they realised that it was quite obvious.

And since they had just arrived to America, going back wasn't really an option.

“What else?” He asked and Jemma looked up in surprise.

“What?”

“Something is bothering you.”

“No! Nothing is-”

“Really now?” He cocked his head to a side with a small smile, ignoring the little twinge of disappointment as she so adamantly denied that something was wrong and she wouldn't tell him.

Jemma stared at him, hazel eyes boring into his own. He held her gaze for a few moments and then she sagged, shoulders dropping slightly as she moved her hands to her neck.

“I just...felt so bad telling my Mum that I wasn't coming home for Christmas,” she confessed. “She didn't expect it. She was so happy as she spoke to me and then her voice just changed as she took in my words.” Her lips twisted into a crooked grimace. “I know I am being childish about it but-”

“You're not,” Leo retorted. “You miss your family and Christmas is a time to be with family.”

“It's just-” Jemma sighed. “With their work, they can't take days off very often and our relatives aren't in Sheffield. My Aunt, Uncle and cousins have moved to France years ago and my Grandmother is the only one that visits them. It's usually just the four of us during festivities...and now I'm here...”

Leo stared at her, a mix of feelings in his chest.

He could relate to that too. His family usually spent Christmas together and without anyone else too. And they used to treasure every moment spent together...

“My family is like that too,” he said slowly. “It's always just us. I don't have my grandparents: they died when I was younger. My Mum doesn't have siblings and my Dad's brother and his family would come and visit every now and then but, since Dad died, the visits have stopped.” Leo stopped talking as he realised that he openly told Jemma that his father was dead. She had never asked anything about his family but he presumed that she might have guessed something...

 

He realised that this was the first  time that  he actually told someone.

 

At home, he never had to say it because everyone already knew. Those were the perks of living in a neighbourhood that was made of people that have known each other their entire life.

 

Leo felt a lump in his throat but swallowed quietly and then looked at Jemma. She was looking at him oddly: it was a mixture of emotions that he couldn't define mingled with her sadness.

Pursing his lips and trying to get a hold of himself, he raked his mind for ideas to help her out. If it meant so much to her, he should at least try to think of a way to help her.

 

And then he got it.

 

“You know,” he said. “I could go and ask the Head of the Administration Board if he could let you leave for a few days during winter break.”

“ _What?_ ” Jemma exclaimed.

“Yeah...I mean... The problem here is the money: one scholarship isn't enough for another trip back to the UK. You could use my share along with yours and leave in December. Although, we'd probably be able to leave again only for Christmas next year...”

He looked at her, wondering if she valued his idea valid.

Jemma was staring at him, eyes wide in disbelief.

“What about you?” She asked. “Don't you want to-?”

Leo shrugged, smiling slightly.

“I already spoke to my Mum and told her about it,” he said. “She understood.” He didn't linger on the memory of his mother's saddened voice. “My sister too... Well, she  _will_ understand... Things have changed now.” The last statement came out as a whisper.

“But-”

“Really, Jemma, we could go now if you want to. The Administration office closes at six.”

She stared at him, eyes searching for something on his face. He held her gaze for a while before succumbing to uncertainty as she looked away.

Uncertainty than turned into confusion when she shook her head.

“Jemma?”

“No.”

“What?”

“No, I'm not going to let you do that.”

“Why not? We could at least try!”

“I'm not going to leave you here alone, Fitz.”

Leo blinked.

“W- _what_ ?” He stammered. He was at loss. Why think about  _him_ now? Why  _care_ about him when this was all about her?

He was about to say something when she looked at him again. Her eyes were clear now: there still was a shadow of sadness on her features but her resolute expression was making it fade away.

“I'm not going to leave, knowing that you're here alone,” she remarked again. “It just doesn't feel right.” Jemma smiled slightly, the feeling reaching her eyes this time. “We're here together, no? If I'm going to the UK for the holidays, you should be coming as well. So... since the Administration Board has been quite clear about this, we're both staying here during winter break.”

Leo felt a burst of warmth spread out, starting from his chest to the rest of his body.

 

Did she really care this much for him? To ignore a valid offer to leave and be with her family after she had cried for being far away? Just for his sake?

 

Leo didn't know how to describe the feeling that coursed through him.

 

He knew that Jemma was like him, that she knew what it meant to be isolated and lonesome. He had hoped for them to get along well and was more than happy of their current living condition.

He didn't dare to think that she would start caring for him. He didn't think that he would be able to care for someone else either.

 

They were becoming friends.

 

The enormity of the realisation made Leo grin and tear up at almost  the same time. He managed to nod at her.

“Right then,” he said softly. “We'll both be staying and then we’ll decide when to leave together.”

Jemma smiled at him, really smiled and he felt at ease again. The feeling that he had had as he was walking back from class was soaking his body again.

She stood up and walked over to the kitchenette.

“I'll make tea,” she said, glancing at the clock. He stood up too and followed her, watching as she put the kettle on the stove and drew out two mugs. Leo took out the sugar and cream. He took the milk out of the fridge and was putting it next to the small bowls arranged on the counter when he caught Jemma smiling.

“What?” He asked, arching a brow and smiling slightly himself. It was good to see her smile again...

“I was just wondering what I'm homesick for...” she stated. “I mean...besides not having my parents here, I actually miss home too. Sheffield. UK. But seeing how we behave...” A small laugh escaped her lips. “I didn't really realise how  _British_ we are here...”

Leo grinned slightly.

“What, you thought that we'd turn into Americans once we got here? Start speaking like them?” He teased her slightly, mimicking an American accent as he handed her the container with the tea leaves.

“Who knows?” She grinned back, spooning a small mound of leaves into the kettle. “We might have forgotten what good tea tastes like and gotten used to  _teabags_.”

“Ugh,” Leo frowned. He had been offered tea during a seminar and nearly gagged at the soapy taste. “I'm glad that I didn't forget the taste and that my sister sent me tea from home.”

“Me too...”

They sipped their tea in enjoyable silence, sitting at the table. Leo finished his tea and  picked up his bag which was still dangling from one of the chairs. He pulled out his phone to check for any messages.

“What do you want for dinner?” Jemma asked, making him look up quickly.

“Er-anything is fine for me,” he replied, putting the phone away. “You know that...”

“Yes but... I'd like to make something that you’d like tonight.” She looked at him over her cup. “To thank you for comforting me.” Her cheeks took on a pinkish tint.

Leo blushed slightly and waved her gratitude with his hands.

“I really- You don't,” he stammered but she shook her head.

“Come on, Fitz...”

“Er- alright...” He wrangled his hands together, fingertips drumming on the table's wooden surface. He eyed her for a moment and smiled. “Got it. Since we're so  _British_ and proud of it… How about some good old Fish 'n' chips?”

Jemma's laughter echoed throughout the dorm.

  
They left their dorm shortly after and walked towards the mini market outside the campus to buy what was necessary for dinner (We're getting  _real_ potatoes: not that frozen chemical things, Jemma claimed firmly).

Leo’s mind couldn't shake off Jemma's soft look and voice when she whispered him 'Thank you' before getting ready to go out.

He understood that she cared for him, yes, but she also trusted him. Trusted him enough to be vulnerable in front of him.

  
-

And when months later, she comforted him when  _he_ was unravelling, thinking about his Dad on his death anniversary, he realised that he didn't just care for her.

 

He had learned to be himself and trust her as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say that you guys are awesome? I've received incredible response to this and my last two stories. I'm spending most of my time grinning like a loon while reading comments' notifications.
> 
> Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me... :)
> 
> As for the story...
> 
> As I've already said before, this story is entwined with Tis the Season to Be Jolly. The first chapter could be read on its own and only the 14 years old part had a reference to to Tis the Season.
> 
> Fitz's 14 year old part was immediately before Jemma's part.
> 
> From now on, the stories will be more connected. I'll put a little description before every age indicator so that you guys won't get confused.
> 
> I hope you'll like the update. :)
> 
> The Prompt was #49. Lock.
> 
> Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helps me edit my stories, provides ideas (she's the one that beats the fluff out of me XD) and deals with my incredibly long stories/chapters chock full of grammar horrors.

 

* * *

_-16 years old- (After 15 years old in Tis the Season)_

 

Leo was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, back home in Glasgow.

He had left MIT two days ago with Jemma for winter break and was going to spend two weeks in Scotland, the longest he'd been home after almost a year and a half.

When he came back at the beginning of the year, it had been for three days -a short sudden interval between classes- and he and Jemma had surprised their families.

Their families hadn't been fully prepared though: Jemma's parents had to go to work so she only saw them at dinner while Leo had spent some time with his mother when she was at home. While he saw Alison early in the morning or at night when she was back from work; he got to see Alec a couple of times.

Bryce had ignored him most of the time and either went to Uni or was out with his friends.

Thankfully, Jemma called and texted him constantly, so he didn't feel too lonely when he was at home. He was happy to know, when they got back at MIT,  that he had been giving her the same comfort.

When he left Boston this time, he had felt elated to see his Mum and Alison. He was almost even glad to see Bryce as well.

He would spend time with his family for Christmas. Staying far away from them had struck something in him: he had missed them a lot.

Jemma had been radiating excitement for days in Uni and was nearly jumping in her seat on the plane. Leo had grinned at her antics though he shared the sentiment.

And his welcome home had been great, just as he had imagined.

Alison and Alec had come to get him at the airport at Glasgow; his sister had hugged him tight, ruffling his hair to annoy him and claiming that he had grown up a lot.

Leo had scoffed: he had only gained a few inches in height and was now slightly taller than Jemma...

And on the long drive back home, Ali and Alec had bombarded him with questions about his life in America and MIT. He was starting his second year now and his classes had taken a more technical and hands-on approach. He tried to explain to them about nanotechnologies but one look at their confused and apologetic expressions stopped him immediately.

They didn't understand him: not in this context at least.

Jemma did: she had talked to him about some new applications of miniaturized devices and bots in medical and biological fields.

She listened with rapt attention when he rambled about the devices' blueprints and internal functioning.

Jemma would understand him.

  


But she wasn't there.

 

And that led to him staring at his ceiling two days back home and feeling...off.

 

He missed her.

 

He was used to seeing and hearing her every day.

His day started with her as they had breakfast together and ended with her when they walked back into their rooms after watching a film in the common room.

He hadn't talked to her in two days. He had sent her a text message earlier in the morning -the first since they were back- to ask her what she was doing.

She had answered shortly after saying that she was out with her parents for Christmas shopping. He quickly replied telling her to have fun after answering her question about his well being, saying that he was fine.

He didn't want to pester her...

He wondered how he had missed that they wouldn't _be_ together, once they decided to come back home. They realised it only when they landed at Heathrow and had to take another plane to go home. Different planes: one going to Liverpool where her parents would pick her up and go to Sheffield, the other to Glasgow.

How had they missed _that_?

She had missed her family so much and he was sure that she wanted to spend as much time as possible with her parents.

That was the reason for his lack of calls and texts: she was busy and he didn’t want to bother her. And he didn’t want her to know that he wasn’t used to not having her around...

Their routines were ingrained in him as well. Today he had gotten up early to make breakfast for his family and realised that he had made blueberry pancakes only when he was half way done.

Blueberry pancakes were Jemma's favourite and he usually made them on Wednesdays -just like today- when they both had early and boring classes. It was a way to cheer her up.

Just like she would make pasta for dinner whenever he had late lab classes and would come back, grumpy and starving.

Routines, habits and little things that he had with her and that were showing even if she wasn't there.

  


Leo wondered if all friendships were like this or if he was struggling so much because Jemma was his only friend.

  


Sighing softly, he sat up and glanced at his phone, lying on his bedside table: no calls or texts.

He wondered if Jemma was having the same concerns or  if she was actually so busy that she didn't even think about him.

That last thought made something twinge painfully in his chest.

Sighing loudly again, he swung his legs off his bed and got up. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and he might as well go down and help his mother with the chores or help her get dinner ready.

His mum and sister had been indulgent and let him be ever since he gotten back; they didn't ask him to help clean or anything but he realised that he couldn't take advantage of this.

Leo thought about last Christmas. He and Jemma had spent it together alone, in their dorm: they had cooked (Jemma cooked while he helped), built snowmen following a Simmons' family tradition (actually, they had built the Tosho-gu monkeys...) and had watched Snow White while sipping hot chocolates.

 

It had been one of the best Christmases of his life.

 

He remembered mentioning that they would add new traditions to their Christmases together. His heart lurched at the thought that they might not spend another Christmas together.

Not if they came back home.

But not coming home would mean not seeing their families. And that was out of question.

Leo sighed for the third time and walked downstairs.

The house was decorated for Christmas: fairy lights adorned the door frames and windows, along with wreaths of holly. The decorated tree was in the corner of the living room, colourful lights blinking from it and making the room glow in a soft light. A small pile of presents was beneath it.

Leo walked into the kitchen and found his mother and sister making dinner. Judging by the wonderful scent that wafted from the oven, they were also baking something for Christmas too.

His stomach growled appreciatively making him blush when Alison, who was closest to him, heard it and chuckled.

“Dinner will be ready in a bit, Leo,” she said. “Mum's making her famous pot roast.” She turned to look at their mother who was checking the biscuits in the oven and then turned back to him. “If you help me peel these, we'll be faster.”

Leo eyed the small mound of potatoes on the table and nodded. He got himself a knife and started helping his sister.

He was grateful that she hadn't commented on the fact that he had been cooped in his room all day; both his mother and sister had been looking at him oddly.

He realised that unlike his last visit, where he constantly texted with Jemma, he was quiet and reading on his own.

Ali and Alec had teased him about Jemma being his girlfriend and of not telling them anything when he got his phone out for the n-th time to answer her.

Leo had blushed a furious shade of red and mumbled that they were friends. Thankfully, they didn't insist too much but he did notice that their eyes had softened when he mentioned that he had a friend.

Although they did continue to tease him saying that his accent had turned lighter and had taken on more _English_ tint. Leo had scoffed at them.

His Mum had asked about Jemma as well when he’d finished talking on the phone with her.

He realised that this lack of contact was strange for him and for them to watch as well.

It felt like being back to the time before MIT.

  


When he was truly alone.

Without Jemma.

  


He had almost peeled the skin of his first potato when he looked up and saw his sister staring at him.

“What?” He asked defensively. His weariness grew when Alison smirked. “ _What?_ ”

“You're actually helping out without complaining,” she commented, slicing a potato inside the pan and picking another. “Whatever happened to the feet shuffling, twisted mouth and mumbled groans?”

Leo blushed slightly and looked away. He quickly mimicked his sister's previous action and picked another potato.

Alison grinned.

“So, this Jemma girl,” she said off handedly, making him look at her again. “Does she do the cooking?”

“We take turns but-,” he replied, lips quirking slightly. “-she always makes dinner just as I always make breakfast. Lunch is up to me.”

“And you help her, I hope...”

“Yeah.”

“Also in the cleaning?”

“Of course.”

Alison's grin widened, confusing the hell out of Leo. She turned to their mother who was by the counter now, listening to their conversation and smiling as she opened the lower cabinets.

“Did you hear _that_ , Mum?” Ali drawled. “Leo actively helps in the house chores! I'd never thought that would be possible. That girl has to be some miracle worker...”

Leo scoffed as his mother chuckled softly and Alison laughed. She moved her chair to approach him and gently squeezed his hand.

“Well, he's a grown up boy and knows how to behave,” his Mum said. “I wouldn't have thought any less...”

Leo looked down at her and smiled slightly, a puff of warmth in his chest as he heard the pride in her voice.

It was nice to be home... He had missed the soft affection coming from his family.

The front door opened and closed noisily and Bryce appeared before them, carrying a large bag.

His blue eyes swept over the scene in the kitchen and Leo noticed how his stare hardened when he looked at him. Alison must have noticed too but feigned indifference and smiled slightly at their brother.

“Hey, another laundry bag?” She asked with a hint of a teasing tone. “When are you going to buy a washing machine in that apartment of yours?”

Bryce was in his second year of Uni too. He had surprised the entire family when he announced that he was going to apply for Law School: Leo didn't even know that he was _interested_ on the subject.

But then, his brother had always been good with words: he could easily convince people to believe whatever he wanted.

Leo had learned this the hard way during school...

“James is working on that,” Bryce remarked with a grin. “He convinced his parents to get a new one.”

Before the first semester was over, Bryce announced that he was going to move in with his friends Andrew and James into an apartment owned by James' father quite near campus.

James went to Business School while Andrew had followed Bryce into Law so the three friends had decided that living all together was the best thing.

Leo didn't linger too much on thinking about James and Andrew: they had been the perpetrators of his hellish college experience. Bryce too but a little part of Leo -the one that still cared for his elder brother and hoped for him to change- had forgiven him.

“Hmm,” Ali hummed. Leo noticed her pursed lips and realised that she didn't approve of his friends either. Alec had commented about them earlier, saying that those two hadn't changed much since college and were still obnoxious and stuck up.

The Fitzes were not poor: their mother's job and the monthly income from their Dad's insurance allowed the family to live without restraints but they didn't have much to spare.

Alison was in her final year of Uni and was going to go to Education School. She worked in a pub to save money. Bryce worked in a café to pay his Uni expenses. Leo had his scholarship but he had started saving the money his mother sent him every month, keeping only a minimal part to himself and sending the rest back home.

They all did their best to live well and not weigh too heavily on their mother.

What exactly did Andrew and James know about that? Those two boasted about their money whenever they could.

 

Leo thought of Jemma, the only daughter of two doctors who probably had financial security since she was a child. And yet, she always spent the money they put together for their common expenses with a practical mind, never buying anything flamboyantly.

She never asked about his family's financial situation. Never questioned anything and waited for him to speak when he was ready.

 

He never thought that he'd find someone that understood him so thoroughly.

 

Bryce's stance tensed when he noticed Alison's hidden disapproval over his friends and housemates. He twisted his lips in a barely hidden frown; Leo noticed how his grip on the bag had tightened.

 

He wondered his brother and sister had argued over this before...

 

“Dinner will be ready in an hour, sweetheart,” Mum said, ignoring the sudden tension in the room. “Will you stay?”

“Sorry, Mum, I can't.” Bryce's eyes softened as he spoke to their mother, his voice calm. Leo was glad that his brother's hatred and rebellious arrogance didn't hit his mother. “I've got to work tonight and then I'm going out with the boys since they're leaving for the holidays.”

“You'll stay here with us until they come back?” Alison smiled at him as she spoke. Leo realised that his sister was attempting to overcome the tension.

Bryce looked at her and smiled slightly, giving her a quick shrug as an answer.

“Well, that would be nice,” Their mother beamed. “I'd have the whole family home for two weeks.”

Alison's smile mirrored Mum's one and Leo felt a smile make its way on his face. He looked up and felt his lips droop down at his brother's hardened stare.

He realised that Bryce probably thought that he wouldn't be home for the entire holiday. He probably expected him to leave early.

The only thing that his brother had said to him, ever since he got back, was to hurry up and go back to his 'fancy American nerd school'.

 

Yeah... He was _definitely_ back home. No other place could make his mood shift from happy to tensed so fast.

 

Bryce  left shortly after, promising Mum that he'd be home tomorrow afternoon and help prepare for Christmas Eve.

Leo finished peeling the potatoes while Alison chopped them down before handing them to their mother.

“How's Jemma?” Alison asked as they washed their hands in the sink.

“I sent her a text this morning,” he replied, drying his hands on the tea towel and handing it to her. “She said that she was out with her parents.”

“Hmm. And then?”

“Then-?”

“You didn't talk to her again?”

“No,” Leo glanced at his sister, noticing her concerned look. “I don't want to bother her. She's spending time with her parents. She also mentioned that her Grandmother would be there: she’s busy.”

He shrugged and smiled slightly, hoping to wipe the worried look from his sister's face. Alison nodded slowly.

“And she didn't contact you either, right?” She asked. “She probably thinks that you're busy with us too.”

“Probably.”

He was clinging to that thought and not the fact that she wasn't even thinking of him...

“Alright, go get cleaned up,” Alison said, shooing him out of the kitchen. “I'll set the table and call you when it's ready.”

Leo nodded and went upstairs to wash.

Once he was done, he sat on his bed and carelessly flicked through the pages of an old videogame magazine. The games fascinated him only at the start: once he understood the mechanics, it would take him a few days to finish them.

He had more interest in RPG and online gaming. He got addicted to Minecraft after a fellow Engineering mate mentioned it and he got Jemma hooked on it too.

Leo blinked.

 

He had been thinking of Jemma quite a lot.

He wondered what she was doing...

Did she too recall last Christmas and their promise to spend it together, adding new traditions or meshing their older ones together?

 

Feeling restless again, Leo jumped out of his bed, pocketed his phone and walked downstairs. Alison was in her room and his Mum was in the kitchen.

He walked into the living room, past the set table and sat on the couch. He was going to turn on the TV, hoping to find something vaguely entertaining, when he heard his message ringtone.

Pulling out his phone, he flipped the screen open.

  


[19:33 – From Jemma:] Can I call you?

  


Leo stared at the screen for a few seconds; then without thinking, he dialled her number.

His heart thumped loudly in his chest -in excitement, he realised- while the phone rang.

“Leo?” The English lilt made him smile.

“Hey, Jemma, how are you?”

“Fine, I've just come back after having been shopping with Mum. You?”

“Fine, I'm waiting for dinner,” Leo felt the restless feeling in his body fade. “So... you wanted to talk about something?”

“Oh...I-It's nothing important actually... I just saw something and you came up to my mind. Well, not that you didn't come up in other moments... but-” He could almost see her now: wrangling her hands as she was going to start rambling.

“I've got time,” he answered but a little seed of doubt crept into him. “Unless..well, you're busy... and have other things to do...”

“N-No!” He almost jumped at her tone.

“What did you see then?”

“Oh, the the local museum here is having a new exhibit on aircrafts,” She sounded excited. “It 's a historical countdown from the first Wright aircraft to modern vehicles. There should be various models too, even a replica of the Lancaster plane! I also thought about you talking about-”

“-how they managed to make aircrafts fly without our technology and with heavier materials?” He finished her sentence, his interest piquing. He wondered if there could be one of those old war planes that were used in the Arctic regions even now

“Yes. Weren't you searching something to build for that class of yours?”

“Yeah... Aeronautical mechanics. Professor Shino said to look up some of the older aircrafts and understand the mechanics. I was thinking of building a small model to grasp the concept better.”

“The exhibit should have old blueprints and notes too.”

“That sounds fascinating...” Leo sighed and smiled. “Well, go there for me, yeah? And take notes, pictures and such.”

“Of course,” He heard her laugh softly. “Although, you'll have to deal with some squiggly lined designs if I can't take pictures. I'm not a very sharp and precise-handed engineer-in-the-making.”

Leo laughed.

“Well, I'll manage. And I'll check if there's something worth seeing in our local museum. Hang on, I'll go upstairs and search on my laptop.”

Leo dashed upstairs, listening to Jemma talk about her day and of other things while he hung to her every word. The smile on his face didn't falter: it only increased in size.

  


He was so taken by the call that he hadn't notice his mother looking at him from the kitchen door. Nor did he see the smile on her face when he laughed.

  


-:-

  


Later that night, after dinner while her children were upstairs in their room, Lena Fitz lingered in the living room, reading. Her mind wandered off to the scene of her youngest child sitting on the couch and smiling broadly as he spoke to his friend.

That smile had brought back memories: times when there was more happiness in the house, more innocence and laughter in Leo’s eyes.

And it made her think of  Scott.

Leo had inherited Scott’s curls, active mind, ingenious hands and soft smile.

  


She wanted to see that smile more often.

A sudden idea came to her mind and she reached for the phone.

  


-:-

  


After their phone call, Jemma had promised to keep in touch more often since he reassured her that she wouldn't be bothering him.

And they had texted the whole morning of Christmas Eve, updating each other on their families' preparations.

Jemma had mentioned how her mother was cooking some of her favourite Christmas cakes, refusing to let her get a slice until it was midnight. Her description of the cake made Leo's mouth water: he made her promise to bring him a piece when they saw each other of to bake one when they'd be back at their dorm.

On the other hand, Leo had told her about his Mum's strange behaviour.

 

The morning had been normal: he, Ali and their mother had had breakfast together and then they all worked around the house to get ready for Christmas Eve, cleaning and preparing.

Leo shoveled the snow that had covered their garden and front lawn during the night, muttering to himself about building a bot that could do the bloody freezing and useless job when he was confronted by the oddest of scenes when he returned inside.

Alison and Bryce were standing a few steps away from the kitchen, side by side and staring at something.

Curious, Leo approached them. Last he knew, Ali was cleaning the silverware that they would be using for dinner while Bryce, who had come home earlier than expected, had been chopping some wood for the fireplace. The weather report had claimed that it might snow and they wanted to be prepared.

His siblings turned to him - _both_ did and _that_ surprised Leo- and Alison jerked her head towards the kitchen and Leo peered in.

Their Mum was cooking.

He always admired the ease and normalcy she exuded as she moved in her chair, going from one side of the kitchen to the other. She had long arranged the kitchen to her height and reach and she never needed help when she was tinkering here, just like she never asked for help when she did her sewing work.

It was after a moment that Leo noticed the...oddness.

His Mum was cooking, yes. But she seemed to be cooking for at least ten people, judging by all the pots and pans on the stove and the trays of not yet baked goods on the low tables.

And then...

“Is she humming?” Leo whispered in surprise. He couldn't even remember the last time his Mum had seemed so light hearted.

“Yeah...” Alison replied, voice equally flabbergasted. “And why is she cooking so much?”

“Are we having guests over?” Bryce asked, his deep voice hushed. “Do you think she invited one of her friends?”

Some of the women in the neighbourhood and in town that used to visit when Leo was younger (and his mother had been relegated to the chair) still came to see his Mum. It was comforting to hear that; with him in America, Bryce away in Glasgow and Alison at Uni or work, Mum was always alone...

“Not that I know of,” his sister replied. “Besides...it's Christmas: as much as they'd stay with their families.”

The three looked at each other, all looking puzzled. A thought came to Leo's mind and his heart raced slightly.

“What if Uncle Sean had called?” he asked, barely hiding a hopeful note.

Sean was their father's only brother. With brown unruly curls, dark brown eyes and an easy smile, the man painfully reminded them of their Dad.

The weeks after the funeral he had stayed at home, helping them out as they all worked on their grief but the sight of him was a constant reminder of what they had lost.

Uncle Sean lived in Edinburgh, their Dad's hometown, with his wife and children. They used to come over to Glasgow often but now the visits were rare if non-existent.

He wondered if his uncle had a hard time visiting them because he could see his brother's shadow in everything here as they could see it in him...

“No,” Alison replied, eyes clouding slightly. “He sent the usual holiday card. Again.”

And just like that, the spell vanished.

This little moment where everything seemed so normal -normal as it had been years ago. Where Mum puttered in the kitchen with the three of them huddled together, conspiring; where Leo almost expected his dad to walk into the room, grinning at his family and asking if the three of them were too old to do their traditional snowmen contest because this year's prize was worth a bit of competition.

 

It was a scenario that showed a happy family. A scene of what might have been their lives.

 

What if...?

 

Leo took a deep breath, dispelling these thoughts out of his mind. He didn't want to give into those thoughts now. He heard Ali take a shuddering breath and when he turned, he saw Bryce staring at him, his eyes an icy blue.

Thankfully, his mum noticed them and Leo didn't have to deal with his brother's hatred again.

“What are you three whispering about over there?” She asked, approaching them.

“Nothing really,” Alison replied, smiling slightly. Leo noticed how she forced herself to keep her expression light. “What's going on, Mum?” She gestured to the kitchen.

“I'm cooking,” his Mum replied, turning around with a smile and heading to the oven to see the biscuits inside.

“Yeah... but for how many?” Bryce asked, leaning against the door frame. “It's four us: you've made enough food for ten.”

“Never thought I'd hear you complain about having too much to eat, sweetheart,” A puff of laughter escaped his Mum's lips. Leo barely hid a smile as did Bryce while Alison snorted. “Anyway, we'll be having guests.”

“Oh, who?” Alison asked, stirring the contents of one of the pots on the stove.

“That's a secret.”

“What?” All three said at once  as two sets of blue eyes and one of brown fell on the older woman.

“It's a surprise and I'm not saying anything else,” Mum said and turned to Leo. “Can you get the good dishes from the cupboard in the living room, darling? The set of blue plates: all eight of them.”

They couldn't get other information from her, so the three younger Fitz went back to their rooms. Leo send a text to Jemma, telling of his mother and was quickly rewarded by her message where she was just as curious as he was about these mysterious guests.

After a quick lunch with his family, Leo was in his room again, reading. He sent a text to Jemma, asking what she was doing.

And she didn't answer.

He thought that she could be busy with Christmas preparation so he didn't think about it too much. He checked his phone every now and then but still no answer.

It was almost six o'clock on Christmas Eve and Leo felt his festive spirit lost somewhere beneath his feet.

He felt hollowed out and moody.

 

Jemma hadn't replied.

 

He knew that he shouldn't be feeling like this but he couldn't help it. The wave of disappointment rolled over him along with a hint of sadness.

'She's busy,' he thought. 'It's perfectly normal... It's not that she doesn't care...'

Because she did. If there was one thing he clearly knew after his freshman year at MIT was that Jemma _cared for him_.

No one else had ever bothered to stay by his side when he was mulling over his darkest thoughts (his Dad, his family, his loneliness, his difference); no one stayed in silence, waiting for him to speak or tried to ease the pain with a gentle touch or hug.

Or by spending the night by his bedside, on a chair or sitting on a corner of his bed, holding his hand, dispersing his nightmares.

When his nightmares over his Dad had gotten worse in April, Jemma had appeared in his room without his knowledge. It was only on the third night, when he awoke with a shuddering gasp that he found her asleep by his side, hand still latched on to his.

Had it been anyone else, he would have been tense or embarrassed, but this was Jemma. He had moved away after arranging her body more comfortably on the bed and draped a blanket over her.

When they woke up in the morning, Jemma blushed and rambled nervously, not quite making eye contact with him, as they found themselves sprawled in bed, close together.

Leo had blushed too but he had smiled at her gratefully. It was the first night of that long week that he actually slept for a good amount of hours.

 

Leo let out a long breath through his teeth and rummaged through his wardrobe to get dressed for dinner. He pulled out some trousers, a shirt and his favourite green jumper.

'This is ridiculous,' he thought as he got dressed.

It had been barely three days since he'd last seen Jemma, not even five hours since he'd last heard from her through texts and he was missing her like crazy.

If having a friend meant this much and meant going through some form of withdrawal when apart, he'd have to admit that it was wonderful _and_ tortuous all together...

He wondered when they'd become so codependent though...

 

The sound of tires on gravel broke his musings and Leo turned to look out of his window. His room was the only one facing onto the front lawn: he used to like it a lot when he was child, always getting to know before anyone else if someone was coming to visit them.

Suddenly remembering the secret guests his mother had talked about, he peeked out of the window, the little hint of curiosity perking him up a bit.

It was dark but the light coming from the street and his house, glowed on the grey car that parked in front of their gate. He squinted slightly, trying to make out the people inside the car but it was still difficult to see past the darkness and hazy forms.

There were four people, two in the front and two behind. One of the people in the back seat was an elderly woman, he guessed, given the grey-white hair.

The car doors opened and a figure, smaller than the others and definitely more agile, jumped out.

And Leo recognised the caramel hair peeking out of the wool knit hat before she looked up and saw him. She smiled and eagerly waved a mittened hand at him.

Leo froze for a moment, unsure and completely unable to take in the image before him.

  


What...?

  


How..?

  


But then he reacted and before he knew what he doing, he ran out of his room, avoiding a direct collision with Bryce who was coming out of the study room.

“What the fu-?!” His brother growled but Leo ignored him and ran down the stairs. He skidded slightly on the last step, narrowly avoiding Alison who literally jumped back in surprise and dashed to the front door.

He yanked the heavy wooden door open and found himself looking at Jemma, standing in front of him with a beaming smile.

Leo was so unbelievingly surprised that he just stared at her for a moment, unable to say even one word as his mind was in overdrive with thoughts.

Was she really here?

Before he could wonder any further, he found himself with an armful of Jemma as she threw herself against him, arms winding around his neck. He stepped back precariously, one of his arms around her shoulder, the other around her waist, as he managed to balanced them both, without falling on the wooden floor.

And then he heard her voice in his ear.

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry!” She murmured frantically. “I _wanted_ to answer your text but Mum took my phone away, saying that she didn't want to spoil my surprise. She told me that we'd be leaving after lunch and I didn't know a thing until I saw the city sign as we drove here. I was _not_ ignoring you. I was not-”

Leo felt a rush of warmth at her words: relief and happiness mingled together. He gently tightened his embrace.

“I know,” he whispered and he realised that he truly had known about it. It was his own insecurity that had made him doubt Jemma. He smiled. “I'm glad you're here.”

“Me too,” she whispered back and they broke their hug, still standing close to each other and smiling.

Leo noticed Jemma's parents behind her on the stoop, both smiling at him. Next to them was an elderly woman who, he guessed, had to be Jemma's maternal grandmother; he noticed that the woman had the same hazel eyes like Jemma.

And said set of eyes were fixed on him (and Jemma), wide open in surprise.

Leo heard footsteps behind him and suddenly remembered that his family must have assembled downstairs  after the ruckus he’d made. He tilted his head and saw his sister standing by the staircase and his brother on the stairs, both looking at him with wide eyes.

His mother was right behind him, smiling.

 

It was Jemma that broke the awkwardness, walking into the house, taking off her hat and mittens, to shake his Mum's hand.

“I'm so pleased to see you again, Mrs. Fitz,” she said with a warm smile. Leo noticed how her free hand, clutching her hat, was nervously gripping the fabric. “And thank you for your invitation.”

After that, it was all a low murmur of voices as everyone introduced themselves.

Leo immediately looked at his mother as Jemma mentioned that she had invited the Simmons over and his Mum had merely smiled at him. The sort of smile that meant that everything was alright and that she knew what she was doing: she must have noticed that he missed his best friend...

Leo felt a rush of affection for her, a lump of emotion bobbing in his throat as he murmured a thanks to his Mum and received a warm smile again.

Alison greeted their guests with warmth and politeness while Bryce was a bit more edgy. Leo noticed how he shook hands with Jemma but eyed her coldly and he felt, for maybe the first time in his life, a little burst of annoyance and anger towards his brother. Jemma was not him: she didn't deserve his hatred only because she was Leo's friend.

It was Jemma's Grandmother, however, that eased the awkwardness of a group of people who didn't know each other and were going to spend Christmas Eve together.

Leo stood in front of her after offering a hand to shake and introducing himself. The familiar hazel eyes looked at him searchingly as she took his hand and he felt the strength of her grip beneath the papery skin and bony fingers.

He knew that Jemma loved her grandmother and her opinion was something that she always valued. Leo didn't want to be in her bad books for any reason.

He smiled slightly and stood still as she looked at him, sizing him up. He felt Jemma's eyes on him too, her shoulder barely brushing his from where she was standing.

“So, you are the famous Leo Fitz!” She proclaimed, her voice strong and musical. “I've heard a lot about you.”

“I-I hope all good things, Ma'am,” he remarked, slanting a glance at Jemma who smiled and nodded. “Jemma speaks a lot about you too.”

Elizabeth Simmons smiled at him appreciatively before turning to look at her granddaughter with raised brows.

“Jemma, darling?” She asked. “Why didn't you say that your polite and brilliant boyfriend was also such a charming looker?

“Gran! He's _not_ my-” Jemma blurted out. Leo, face flaming, looked at her and saw how she was blushing furiously too. “He's my best friend!”

It seemed that his family wasn't the only one implying that they were more than friends...

“I know what I see,” the older woman stated and stared at them. “And I _clearly_ see what's between the two of you.”

Leo and Jemma shared a glance, both still flushed in face. He arched a brow in query and she shook her head in reply: there was no way that they could convince her grandmother of the completely platonic feelings between them.

“Mum, _please_ , don't fluster the children,” Mrs Simmons said, approaching her. “It's Christmas.”

 

-

The evening went on pleasantly. Leo learned that his Mum had called Mrs Simmons and the two women had concocted the plan of the two families spending Christmas Eve and Christmas together.

The Simmons would have been at home, the four of them alone, so the idea of going to Glasgow for two days had appealed to the adults and they all kept it from Jemma, eager to surprise her.

It seemed that Jemma had been moody and quiet at home too. Leo stared at her when he heard this and she just looked back at him, smiling uncertainly and shrugging slightly.

 

Of course... She must have felt the same way he did.

 

The Fitz’s old family house didn't have a guest room. The once free room was on the ground floor and had long become his mother's bedroom since she couldn't go upstairs. The room that had been his parents' had been turned into a sort of storeroom. Most of his Dad's things were still there.

No one had ever had the heart to clear the room out...

The Simmons had booked a few rooms in the small inn down the road from Leo's house: it belonged to an old friend of theirs, Mr. Yeats.

However, Leo was surprised when Mrs Simmons said that Jemma would be staying with them in his house. It seemed that their mothers had made a rather intricate plan that also included Leo going to Sheffield after his birthday.

With Jemma.

Jemma would be staying with them and then would leave with him by train.

Leo was to move the spare bed into his room for Jemma; if they didn't want to share, then one of them could take the couch.

Leo had almost voiced out loudly that he would take the couch -mostly because his sister was shooting him a teasing glance- but then he saw the look on Jemma's face. It was the sort of look that dared him to do something that she didn't approve of.

There was no way he would get past her on that: he knew her enough to know that she would never allow him to give her his room.

 

Oh well... That meant that they would be roommates for the holidays...

 

It was odd how the thought made him slightly nervous but enormously giddy. He never had a friend over to his house...

  


That night, after a hearty dinner and pleasant conversations, everyone dispersed around the house as they waited for midnight to open the presents together.

Leo moved the spare bed into his room, helped by Mr Simmons and Alison (Bryce had been moody and disappeared in his room) and shortly after found himself alone with Jemma.

She was looking around his room, taking in the small gadgets he had built as a kid, his first blueprints taped next to his desk and the posters and books.

He was glad that he tidied his room a bit: all of his clothes were piled on his desk chair and not scattered around.

Jemma's influence was rubbing off on him...

“Is that-?” She pointed out to a wide, white square-like object on one of his shelves.

“-the solar powered battery?” He finished. “Yes.”

She grinned at him. He felt oddly happy that she still remembered the project he had mentioned when they first met in London.

“Does it work now?”

“Mostly...although I have to find a better cooling system.”

“We could work on that together, if you want to. You know... A fresh set of eyes to see the blueprints. Try some new ideas...”

He beamed. She often helped him when he was working on something at MIT and he did the same for her; they usually came up with solutions to initially complicated problems.

“Of course, I'd like that.” He approached her and she smiled before turning to survey his room again. He saw her eyes linger on a small, metal trophy cup that was dented on its side: the prize from the last science fair he had gone to. The day his Dad died.

She slanted a glance at him, asking a silent question and he nodded. She smiled softly, brushing a hand against his hand: she knew the whole story by now and knew how much it still hurt him.

He sat on his bed as she walked around and Leo felt something twist in his chest.

This was his childhood room, the room where he spent days tinkering on his own, reading alone or crying when he needed to vent.

Having Jemma here was like meshing his new life in America and his old life.

He realised that his new life started the day he met her.

  


He wondered if his new life had started _because_ he had met her.

  


“Oh, look, Leo!” Jemma hurried to his window. “It stopped snowing.”

He got up and passed their beds (her bed was aligned to his, a mere inches separated them) and stood by her side. The front lawn and street were covered by a thick layer of snow.

He looked at her, taking in her enthusiast face and smiled. She looked at him with an arched brow.

“What?” She asked.

“We're going to go out and build the traditional Simmons Christmas Eve snowman, aren't we?” He grinned at her, keeping the tease light in his tone.

Jemma blushed slightly and swatted his arm.

“Oh, because _you_ didn't enjoy making the three monkeys last year.”

“I did...but so did you.”

“Do you think it's too late though? It's almost ten o'clock...”

“We can go out in the back porch: there's plenty of light there coming from the house, the street and, if we need it, I can turn on the light from our old tool shed.”

Jemma's smile made his thoughts about being teased by Alison disappear from his head.

When they bundled themselves with coats, gloves and scarves and built the most classic of snowmen, Leo realised that he hadn't felt so lighthearted at home since his Dad had been alive.

When they got back, chilled to the bone but grinning, their mums ushered them in front of the fireplace and handed them a mug of hot chocolate as they say down on the couch.

Leo quickly grabbed two mint candy canes from the sweet bowl on the little table in front of them and offered her one. Jemma smiled, the memory of them drinking the same beverage last Christmas in their dorm still fresh in their minds.

  


-

  


“I like your home and family,” Jemma said softly.

Leo turned to her: he could only make out the outline of her in the darkness as they lay on their beds, a faint hint of light streaming through the curtains at his window.

It was past one in the morning and they had all gone to bed after having exchanged gifts; the Simmons long gone for the inn.

“You do?” He asked, his voice loud in the silence.

“Yeah. Your house is very warm...and homey. And your mother and sister are wonderful: I like both of them.” She paused for a moment. “I'm not entirely sure on what to think about your brother though...”

“Well, I'm not sure on what to think about him either,” Leo sighed softly. “He's probably cold with you because you're my friend. Everything related to me is not good for him... Sorry about that...”

He felt her move and didn't even jump when he felt her fingers on his arm, curling softly around his bicep.

“Don't apologize, Leo. It's all him and nothing concerning you.”

“Hmm.”

After a moment of silence, her hand still on him, Leo turned to her again: he could almost see her eyes now that he was getting used to the darkness.

“Your parents were really nice to get me that set of screwdrivers,” It was the sort of compact, portable set that came handy during labs or when he didn't want too many tools hanging around his workplace.

It was the sort of expensive set that he would have bought after saving money for a while. He never mentioned it to Jemma but she must have noticed him looking at it when they were out at the store and she must’ve passed it along to her parents.

“I'm glad: they really wanted to get you something nice,” Jemma laughed softly. “I think they wanted to thank you for being my friend. For sticking with me.” Her fingers drew small circles on his bicep. “The handmade scarf, gloves and hat your Mum made me are beautiful.”

“She must have been working on them way before she and your mum decided to celebrate Christmas all together,” His Mum was an outstanding seamstress but even she couldn't be that fast to make those precise and detailed garments. “I think she's happy that you're my friend too.”

“Did you tell her that I like lavender flowers? She had them embroidered on the scarf and hat.”

“I don't remember, really...” He felt his face flush slightly. He _did_. Once. Trust his mum to remember that...

“Hmm...” Something about her tone hinted that she didn't believe him.

They stayed in silence for another while and Leo was sure that she was asleep when she spoke again, voice low and sleepy.

“I'm really happy that we celebrated Christmas together again, Leo,” she confessed and he felt her finger make lines on his arm. It felt as though she was drawing a star, then the outline of a Christmas tree and then something he couldn’t define.

“Me too, Jemma,” he said, looking at her. He made out her smile now. “It wouldn't have been the same.”

“No...” She was drawing a candy cane now. “Thank you for the full collection of Sherlock Holmes books. I love the stories.”

“I like them: I imagined that you would too. Well... Thank you for the sonic screwdriver replica.”

“I did promise you more Doctor Who memorabilia...”

They laughed softly, sleep making their voices thick and low.

“I'll show you around Glasgow while you're here,” he promised, closing his eyes.

“Hmm...and when we'll be at my house, we'll go to that exhibit together.” Her tone was drowsy but there was still a hint of anticipation that made him smile softly. “And I'll make you visit Sheffield.”

“Alright...”

Leo felt a burst of warmth in his heart, mingling with excitement and anticipation. The thought of spending more time with Jemma and going out and doing things that they had started to do at MIT here at home, made him feel elated.

“Goodnight, Leo,” she whispered and he felt her hand squeeze his arm.

“Night, Jemma,” he answered.

  


As he drifted off, Leo remembered how lonely he had felt a few years ago. How even Christmas didn't lighten up his mood.

He couldn't thank his lucky stars enough for putting Jemma in his life.

  


He wasn't alone anymore.

  


-:-

  


_-20 years- (Before 20 years old in Tis the Season)_

  
Fitz opened his dorm room's door with a huff and tossed his bag on the floor, next to a pair of discarded jeans and a sweatshirt. He swore under his breath when he noticed that a side of the bag was soaked and a liquid trickle had  leaked on the floor.

He plopped down on his bed after grabbing a towel from a drawer in his wardrobe and started to dry his hair.

 _Bloody_ Senior Cadets and their pranks...

He was walking to the cafeteria, after his class of Aerospace Mechanics, when he heard a sudden whirring sound above him. When he looked up, he found himself staring at a miniaturized replica of a first generation helicarrier.

He barely had time to notice a few discrepancies in the external body and some unaligned components when the model's cargo ramp opened and he found himself drenched with freezing water.

Spluttering, Fitz looked to his side and saw a group of cadets guffawing and high fiving each other; one of them was holding a remote control.

He recognised them as some of the senior cadets that were specialising in electronics and mechanics. He had seen them on campus, surrounded by people.

It seemed that there was some sort of tradition at Sci-tech concerning freshmen: they were bound to be pranked by the older cadets.

One month at the Academy and Leo was hating it.

It might be better as a facility, with better technology and labs and more interesting study subjects but he had lost so much more.

It wasn't just the pranking that reminded him of school in Scotland or the older cadets that looked at him -one of the youngest cadets at Sci-tech- as a little kid who wanted to play adult.

His whole relationship with Jemma had been jeopardized.

  


And it was _his_ fault.

He had listened to Bryce's venomous words, giving in to some hidden doubt he didn’t know he had.

He had thought that he was selfish in wanting to stay in America and go to some specialised school (as he later explained to his family because he couldn't tell them about SHIELD) while his married sister worked and took care of their mother along with his brother; he was only thinking about himself, forgetting his mother and family.

And that was the reason that got him to tell Jemma that he wouldn't go to the Academy with her. And that he would be staying in Glasgow.

But Jemma hadn't accepted it: they had argued on the phone (she was at home in Sheffield and he in Glasgow) and then she had taken the first train and forced him to see her.

They had argued again, heatedly for the first time since they met, but her words had knocked some sense in him, made him see past the wall of guilt and doubt that his brother had built around him.

“ _What do you really want, Leo?”_

Her question had startled him out his stupor. He thought about his dreams, about making his Dad proud of him and... her. She had long become a steady part of his life.

He didn't want to leave her.

“ _Is this how it ends then? Are we just going to say goodbye and...that's that?”_

Jemma's voice had been soft and shaky with tears as he just stared at her, not saying anything. She must have thought that he was adamant in his decision and that she had lost the battle.

If he hadn't made his mind before, the look on her face in that moment just did it for him. And he crumbled in tears, confessing that he _did_ want to go with her and that he wanted to go to the Academy even though it made him a selfish son and brother.

Jemma had listened to him, cried with him and they had come up with a solution to everything. Together. As they always had.

It would have been perfect, the perfect ending to their fight and the start of their new adventure together.

But his treacherous mind replayed their argument in his head until he imagined the scenario of him in the UK and she in America in vivid detail.

He imagined her finding new friends and learning new things. He imagined her becoming more distant from him, intellectually and physically. Phone calls and emails suddenly becoming less frequent...

And he imagined his place been taken by someone else. Some other friend, lab partner...lover.

Something snapped inside him.

It felt as though a spring that had been coiling inside him for a few years had given away.

At eighteen, he started noticing Jemma as a pretty girl and not just his best friend... They had gone on a trip together and he had been foolishly jealous and hurt her feelings. And then they mutually shared their first kiss. They never talked about it again, blaming it to being mildly drunk.

At nineteen, he realised that his feelings for her were not completely platonic. They had been at his sister's wedding and everything had been fine until Bryce's friends taunted him. Andrew and James had bullied him through secondary school and when he heard James mention that he wouldn't mind having his way with Jemma and made other crude comments, Leo had reacted with his fists. He never told Jemma why he got into a fight that day, at his sister’s wedding reception.

Jemma had kissed him then; when she was tending his injured lip and cheek, she kissed him slowly and he had responded softly. Again, they didn't talk about it but let it seem as though it was just a way to spite Bryce who was spying on them.

And less than two months ago, after their fight, he kissed Jemma. There was nothing platonic, friendly or anything that he could blame for that.

He kissed her with all the want and heat he had. And she had kissed him back.

Leo couldn't forget the taste of Jemma's lips or the feeling of her body under his hands as they roamed through her hair and down her back. Her hands hadn't been idle either.

But just as suddenly as the kiss (snog actually) started, it stopped. They had both hesitated at some point, both realised where all of this was going and hesitated.

Was this sudden step forward worth the risk of destroying their friendship?

No.

They stopped, literally jumped away from each other breathless and wide eyed. And they babbled about scrambled emotions and the fear of losing each other.

Even then, he knew that they weren't entirely honest to each other but he gladly accepted the excuse.

He cared for Jemma. Deeply.

And he knew that his feelings were not entirely friendly. Despite his lack of friends, even he knew that best friends _didn't_ kiss or make out at some point.

He had been terrified to admit that though. It would mean changing everything between them.

And he didn't know if he was ready for that, He didn't know if his feelings were that strong.

Jemma seemed to share his same doubts.

They had gone back home and came back to America, feigning that nothing had changed. They were still best friends and nothing would change that but they both realised that something was off between them.

There was a hint of edginess, something that made eye contact impossible or a brushed touched scorching.

Leo had hoped that it would disappear once they started at the Academy. He expected their usual routines to help them overcome the sudden edginess in their always easy friendship.

He didn't know about the Academy' rules and protocols though.

He had expected it to be similar to MIT but it wasn't.

When he and Jemma had come over to Seattle, suitcases and bags in hand, they found a very distinct and elegant woman with a British accent to greet them.

She introduced herself as Agent Weaver and welcomed them to Sci-Tech and gave them a tour of the buildings and campus. It was only days later that they learned that she was the Director of Sci-Tech and had personally come to pick them up because they were the youngest and, presumably, brightest cadets to date.

During their tour, Leo had been fascinated by the structure and its labs: just looking from the outside, made him realise that the technology and tools here were advanced and beyond anything he had used before.

He imagined the things he could create... Devices he could built. The possibilities were innumerable. Leo glanced at Jemma and saw her eyes wide in enthusiasm and when she looked at him, they both shared a grin.

But then Agent Weaver brought them to a large building on the back and gestured to Leo to go inside.

“Your room is number 204,” she said with a smile. “The key's attached to the door.”

Leo blinked. Twice.

 _His_ room?

He glanced at Jemma who looked as alarmed as he did. They really hadn't thought about this... but he had assumed, since they had been recruited together that...

“Is there anything wrong, Cadet Fitz?”

“I was wondering...” He cleared his throat as she referred to him as cadet. “Is there a chance to have a double dorm room?”

Agent Weaver looked at him oddly and her eyes flitted from him to Jemma who flushed pink but held her gaze.

“Do you know anything about Section 17, one of SHIELD's fundamental rules?” She asked, voice soft but very clear.

“No,” they replied together after sharing a glance.

“Did you pose this question to your recruiter? Agent Avery?”

“No...” Leo almost slapped himself. Of course, he could have asked from the start; maybe they had to apply for a double room and-

“I see...Did you share a dorm room at MIT?”

“Yes, Agent Weaver,” Jemma replied. “We've shared since freshmen year.”

Agent Weaver's eyes softened slightly.

“I'm sorry...but double dorm rooms are available only for the senior cadets that apply for them. All freshmen are assigned single rooms. This-” She gestured to the building. “-is the Engineering wing. The Biochemistry one is a bit further.”

Leo's eyes widened. Not only a single room...but a different building?

They couldn't ask or do anything at this point: Agent Weaver's stance and words didn't allow them to retort. Leo looked at Jemma and saw his own turmoil in her eyes. He managed a small smile for her sake.

“See you later,” he said, picking up his bag. She nodded, smiling uncertainly and followed the other woman.

It took them a few weeks to understand this regulation at Sci-Tech. It was actually a rule at all the Academies.

SHIELD valued individuality and cooperation in his agents. And this was something that the cadets learned early on, starting from their living space.

So, Operations cadets who tended to work on their own most of the time, had single rooms for all their four years. They learned of teamwork during class or field training.

Data and Analysis cadets were the opposite: they thrived in cooperation. The dormitories were made of multiple bunks rooms: three or four cadets together who shared a living space. Miniature teams that worked together.

Sci-Tech was a bit more peculiar. The first two years were about the individual: the cadet had to specialise in his field, find his strong point. So, the younger agents were settled into single rooms.

During senior years, most of the classes included labs and projects that required cooperation: partnerships were born in these years and the strongest and most reliable carried on after the Academy and on to Sci-Ops.

Some cadets applied for double room when they were working on particular projects with their partners, when the need for constant feedback was vital and some of these inventions had helped teams out in the field.

 

Leo sighed and tossed the towel away on his chair, grabbing a dry shirt. He tugged off his soaked one, dropping it on the floor.

A sudden knock on the door startled him.

“Fitz?” Only one person would come to see him.

“Just a moment,” he said, buttoning his shirt on and then opened the door. Jemma was standing there, bag on her shoulder and a frown on her face.

“Hey, Simmons,” He smiled and let her inside.

And of course, _this_.

One week at the Academy and they had stopped calling each other by name. The odd looks they received by the other cadets and a particular nasty professor who questioned them about fraternizing, had made them wonder if they were doing something wrong.

And they learned of Section 17.

SHIELD prohibited any sort of non-platonic relationship between agents. There were very few exceptions from this rule and they had to be authorized by a SHIELD commission.

The Academy didn't prohibit fraternization but it was frowned upon. It did make some sense: why attempt to build a relationship and graduate from the Academy if working for SHIELD would be impossible for one or both together?

Jemma and Leo hadn't talked about it but they started using their surnames ever since.

Fitz couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if that kiss between them had evolved into more. What would they have done once they learned of Section 17 if they had been in a relationship? Would they have broken up to stay at the Academy or would they have kept it secret, defying the rules?

He would never know…

  


The only thing he knew was that they were drifting apart.

  


And he didn't know how to fix it.

“What happened?” Simmons asked, eyeing the soaked shirt and bag on the floor and his damp hair.

“Mech cadets,” he replied, picking up his bag and cursing as he found the inside wet too. “They thought it would be fun to unload a model hellicarrier's worth of water on me.”

“Oh,” She frowned again and sat on his bed. He started emptying the contents of the bag on the floor.

“You got my text?”

“Yeah...I came here immediately. I was worried when I didn't see you at the cafeteria and then you wrote that you were skipping lunch and going to your dorm.”

“Sorry..” he whispered, looking up at her apologetically. She shook her head and smiled slightly.

“I brought you this,” She pulled out a packed sandwich. “Ham and cheese: the most edible looking thing I could find.”

“Thanks, Simmons,” He took the sandwich, opened it and took a bite: he was famished. “You ate already?”

She nodded. Silence fell between them but it wasn't comfortable: there was always a little edge of uneasiness whenever they were alone.

He hated it.

Leo quickly ate his sandwich and wiped his mouth with the paper napkin wrapped around it.

“You've got class now?” He asked, eyeing the soggy mess on the floor that were his books, notes and bag content.

“Yeah...” Simmons replied. “Astrophysics and then Extraterrestrial Microbiology. Then, I'm free for the weekend.”

“Oh...” He frowned slightly. He was free now and had a few lab sessions until late evening. Thanks to this accident, he had missed the few moments that they could spend together. Between classes (they did have most together but they couldn’t really talk) and the Academy’s midnight curfew, it was rare for them to spend some quality time together.

He didn’t even remember when they last saw a movie together...

She stared at him: he knew that she must have understood what he was thinking. He arched a brow.

“What?”

“You never told me what Professor Olsen said when you announced that you wanted to quit Astrophysics...”

“I didn't _quit_ ,” he huffed as he sorted his notes, mumbling curses. “Damn, my Aerodynamics notes are done for...” He straightened up and turned to her. “The class was boring: I've covered most of that stuff at Uni and I've already learned the things that I didn't know.”

The classes at the Academy were specific for every cadet and his field of work and most of them were mandatory in freshmen year. Fitz had been bored out of his mind during the first week of these classes, having thoroughly learned the topics at MIT.

After spending hours, doodling on his notebook, outlining devices that popped in his mind and attempting to strike conversation with Jemma (who glared, hushing him because 'We're in class and I'm taking notes and there's _no way_ you're getting me reprimanded!'), he decided to talk with Professor Olsen; after effectively showing that he did know the subject and wasn’t being overly cocky, he was granted a reprieve.

“I’ll do the report that he asked for mid term evaluation and then I’ll go and do the exam,” Fitz remarked, tossing his drenched notes into the dustbin.

“Oh…”

“And he actually told me that I could go and follow another class in the meantime… He suggested Chemical Kinetics with Professor Hall.”

“That’s a second year class.”

“Yeah…” he turned to look up at her. “So? When has that ever been a problem?” He had long forgotten what it meant to follow his year’s classes.

She rolled her eyes at him and picked at a stray thread line on his comforter with her finger. He noticed how her other hand was clenching and fidgeting.

Something was bothering her…

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sitting up.

“Are you planning to graduate early again?” Her question is soft and tentative and something twisted in his chest.

“Well… I've being doing that my entire life,” he admitted. “And the subjects we’re studying here are more interesting but...they're not exactly _difficult_ , no?” He looked at her and saw her nod; of course she knew: he had seen her absently draw in her notebook during Chemistry and Biology Basics. “You know how I get when I'm bored in class: you've seen me before.”

“You get distracted, do other things, try to get _me_ to talk to you... You drive the professor and the rest of the class insane with your out of the box questions.” She was smiling as she said this and he chuckled.

“Yeah...and I started doodling designs and people started to think that I'm a nutter.”

The rumours had started a few weeks ago.

Some of the cadets in the Engineering wing must have started them: he had most of his classes with them and someone must have seen the designs he drew when the lessons weren't interesting.

He had always been interested in vehicles and delivery mechanisms; once he had gotten his PhD, he had applied for a technical Masters through an engineering company in Boston (they allowed MIT post-grads to do an apprenticeship there) and had really worked with machines.

But ever since he had been recruited by SHIELD, his interest had shifted. SHIELD was an agency that defended people from any menace.

Defended peace.

And after meeting their recruiter, his brilliant and over-reactive mind, couldn't overcome the fact that an agency that defended world wide peace at any cost, would allow its agents to use guns.

Deadly, heavy and non peace-bringing weapons.

Fitz had started studying the mechanisms behind weapons and had started to outline a few designs of guns that didn't use gunpowder bullets.

He had talked about this idea to Simmons during a Sunday afternoon they had spent together and she had been taken by his idea, suggesting the use of sedatives. She had promised to think about it and give him some feedback.

“You're not a nutter,” Simmons huffed, looking at him. “You're only working on projects on your own, things that most of them-” She pointed vaguely at his soaked bag, referring to the senior cadets that had pranked him. “-don't even know how to start _thinking_ about.”

Leo felt a blush invade his face as she subtly complimented him. He looked away as he rummaged through his bag again, taking out the books and notes that hadn't been ruined before getting up to hang the bag to dry on his chair.

He turned around, catching her staring at him before she averted her gaze to his comforter again. Swallowing a sigh, he sat back down next to her.

“Didn't you ever think of graduating early?” He asked quietly. She looked up at him.

“I did,” she replied. “I was thinking about getting a reprieve in some of the chemistry and biology courses: I know most of the topics by heart.”

He grinned at her.

“I was right then: you _do_ you like homework more than life itself,.” he teased. She scoffed and swatted his arm with her hand. He laughed softly and she joined him. Leo's heart soared: it felt like old times again...

She looked at him again, eyes peeking from under her lashes as she smiled and Leo had to ignore the sudden thump in his chest and twist in his stomach.

They were friends. Best friends.

 _Only_ friends.

He had to keep that in mind. There was no way that he was going to ruin their friendship because he didn't know how to sort out his feelings...

He wanted everything to go back to what it was before. And even though he knew that there had always been the possibility for them to be more than just friends, he wasn't brave enough to take that step forward.

He wasn't brave enough to tell her that his feelings might be shifting and face the possibility of losing her.

He wanted to fix the rift between them.

“I've gone through the syllabus many times,” he said. “If I'm not mistaken, that Advanced Chemistry class you're taking allows you to follow Chemical Kinetics.”

“Really?” She asked, eyebrows shooting into her hair. “I wanted to go and speak with Professor Lang about it: I've covered most of his class' topics before my doctorates.”

“It would be fun, no? We'd do the exams during the autumn-winter session and we'd be done with our freshmen and second year before Christmas. And, in the meantime, we can follow the advanced classes.”

Simmons smiled, standing up.

“That sounds awesome,” she remarked. “We could start doing real lab work and not just the simple simulations we're doing now.”

“Yeah... and get to work with more advanced instruments. I'm _dying_ to work with the Holocom.”

“Someone's eager about Holographic Engineering...” She grinned, straightening her bag's strap on her shoulder.

“Why, aren't you?” The class was mandatory for all cadets and they had both loved the theory lessons.

“Not as much as you...” she teased and he rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “I should go: Astrophysics is on the other side of campus.”

“Alright...” He stood up with her, after scooping up the cloths on the floor and tossing them on his chair.

“You should buy a hamper,” she said, arching a brow. “How you can be such a slob when you're so precise in the lab is beyond me...”

“I'm not a slob!”

“I beg to differ...”

He huffed as she chuckled softly. His mind wandered to their old dorm room: she had placed her hamper in the bathroom so that both could put in the dirty clothes in; then they'd take the lot to the laundry room together.

Their timetables were so different that scheduling something was quite impossible. He was glad that they managed to have lunch and dinner together most of the times.

Simmons must have thought the same because she bit her lip and averted her gaze, one of her clear nervous traits.

Leo swallowed dryly. He'd been studying the syllabus and Sci-tech's rules and regulations quite thoroughly lately and there was one thing that he wanted her to know.

He hoped that she would agree... That she wanted this as much as he did.

“Jemma...” he whispered and she turned around abruptly, eyes wide. He smiled softly: it's more than a month since he'd called her that.

“If we manage to take all the freshmen exams during the autumn sessions _and_ most of the second year ones before the end of the semester during winter session, we... we'd be officially third year cadets. Seniors.” He looked at her and saw her staring at him. “I asked around a bit and... there's still one double dorm room available.”

He let his words hang between them, allowed them to sink in and he watched as her eyes widened again as she understood his unsaid question.

Her fingers clutched her dark blue bag strap as she opened her mouth to talk before she pursed her lips immediately and looked away.

Something froze inside Leo.

Were they already so far gone? Had he messed it up so badly with that one, single moment of irrationality?

Maybe, he was wrong. He had been the only one to yearn to go back to their old normalcy...

“If you want to, of course,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, ignoring the sudden weight in his chest and the voice in his head (that seemed unsurprisingly like Bryce) that murmured that he was such a stupid fool to think she would want to get closer to him again. “I-I mean... it was just a suggestion but- but if you don't-”

“No, I do!” Simmons exclaimed making him look up. A little bit of hope bloomed inside him.

“You do?”

She looked as though she wanted to walk towards him and hold him, hug him. It was something that she would have done a few months ago.

Instead, she moved her hands to her neck - typical trait when she was upset. Leo felt his heart drop.

But then she looked at him and smiled. Her eyes were apologetic as though she knew that she was giving him mixed signals but her smile was true.

Honest like the first time they met.

“Yes,” she replied, slowly moving her hands away. He smiled back, feeling a bit more at ease than he had been in weeks.

“I should go... Professor Olsen doesn't like being disturbed during lessons by late cadets.” She shifted her bag on her shoulder and looked at him. “See you for dinner, yeah?”

“Pizza?” He asked. He could go to the pizzeria nearby after his last lab.

“You know the toppings I like. My room?”

“I'll be there at eight.”

“See you later, Fitz.”

“Bye Simmons.”

  


As she disappeared behind the closed door, Leo realised that this was a start. Things would be good again.

  


-:-

Weeks later, the rumours about two genius freshmen cadets started going around the halls of Sci-Tech. Students and professors started to hear and talk about Fitz and Simmons. More than once the two were mistaken to be one person and the name FitzSimmons started to be heard more frequently.

Leo was getting used to it by now.

He and Jemma had more classes together now that they were slowly dropping their most boring classes for more advanced ones. They were getting to learn more interesting subjects, work in fully equipped labs and getting time to experiment on their own and work on personal projects.

At MIT, they shared few classes and even rarer labs but they quickly realised that they worked extremely well together. At the Academy, they did every lab together and got full marks on the tests.

Some of their professors encouraged them to work on extracurricular projects. Professor Hall, in particular, told them that if their work was valid and useful for SHIELD, they could be assigned to the same facility, perhaps the same lab, once they graduated.

Both he and Jemma had shared the same unbridled enthusiasm as they poured over their books, discussing theories and bickering over experiments. They had learned early on that engineering and biochemistry were oddly compatible. Fitz's blueprints started to include biological and chemical elements while Simmons' notes were littered with referrals to possible delivery mechanisms.

Fitz was happy to spend all the hours that he wasn't in class with Simmons; whether it was in one of their rooms, the study halls or the library, he felt at ease when he was with her.

And she seemed to be feeling the same.

But Leo couldn't shake off the feeling that they had somehow stepped back to a place that looked liked the initial stage of their friendship when they rambled about science and were shining with enthusiasm but didn't delve further into knowing each other; little fears, doubts and shyness stopping them.

Now, however, they knew each other _too much_.

Leo had noticed how he seemed to overthink... _everything_. The little things he would do without thinking (holding her bag out, putting a hand behind her back while they walked together or brushing her hand) were now actions that he would deliberately think about, wondering if he would cause her annoyance.

And Simmons always noticed it because she would look at him with a stare that made his stomach swoop low before looking away, pink dusting her cheeks.

She seemed to be struggling with similar thoughts as well. Last night, as they walked back to her dorm room after a late study session in the library, Fitz had caught Simmons staring at him.

Under the moonlight and dim lights of the campus, her amber eyes shone golden. Fitz had to swallow whatever emotion swelled in his throat as he looked back at her, smiling uncertainly.

Simmons' eyes had a look that he couldn't decipher but, before he could ask anything, she looked away.

  


How did they even reach this point?

  


They were reaching an almost seamless studying/working partnership but their personal relationship was drilled with small holes that they couldn't fill up.

  


Fitz sighed, shaking his head to dismiss his thoughts, and walked down one of the corridors leading to Agent Weaver's office. He and Simmons had been summoned to see her after their morning classes.

He really didn’t know the reason behind this sudden meeting. He wondered if Weaver was going to say something about their fast race through classes and exams.

He was rummaging in his jacket's pocket searching for his phone, expecting to find a text from Simmons asking him where he was. They had had different classes today: one of the few in their selection and his professor had drawn the lesson a bit longer, answering some last minute questions.

Fitz was almost jogging when he turned around a corner, eyes on his phone's screen when he crashed into another person.

Cursing under his breath as he managed to keep his phone in his hand and taking a step back to steady himself, Leo looked in front of him. He had literally walked into some girl and made her drop her bag and books.

“Sorry,” he apologized, crouching down to pick up a thick tome -Advanced Molecular Biology, he read in his mind, recognising a class Simmons had taken and ditched since she knew it by heart- and handed it to her.

The girl smiled broadly, making Leo feel slightly confused. Shouldn't she be mad at him for colliding with her? He really didn't understand girls in general; his sister and Simmons were the closest to him and despite knowing them for years, they still baffled him at times.

Leo Fitz had long learned that the female universe was big mystery that he yet had to unravel.

“Oh, don't worry,” she said, picking up her bag and taking the book from his hand with a thanks. She looked at him oddly: Leo felt a little warm around his neck. “You're Leo Fitz.”

It was not a question...

“Yes,” he said curtly, feeling defensive. He might have grown older and slightly more confident but he was still weary of new people. He looked at the girl in front of him. She was probably a few years older than him with black hair and brown eyes. She was not bad looking either...

Leo flushed slightly at the thought.

The girl smiled again, making him feel even warmer. He should leave.

Immediately.

“I... -er... should go,” he stammered slightly and she nodded, smile still on her face.

“Sure,” she said. “I'm Amy by the way...” Right, he hadn't even bothered to introduce himself or ask her name. Leo could almost hear his mother and sister scolding him in his ears. “See you around. We could have a drink in the Boiler Room?”

Leo blinked. Twice.

Was _that_ a question?

Before he could reply or say anything, Amy walked off, shooting him another smile and odd glance.

Wondering about the oddity that were women, Fitz turned around to walk to Agent Weaver's office and noticed that Simmons was standing in the middle of the hallway and looking at him.

She must have been standing there for a while, waiting for him...and she must have seen his run in with the biology girl. Her eyes were fixed on him and held a searching look that he couldn't understand.

“Hey, Simmons,” he greeted her with a smile. “Sorry, I'm late.”

She shook her head and stood straighter. The look on her face disappeared so quickly that he wondered if he had imagined it.

“I've just arrived,” she replied with a small smile and they both walked to the the office. They shared a glance before Fitz knocked on the door and they were both told to come in.

  


-

  


They spent a few hours at the Boiler Room, later that night.

Both he and Simmons decided that they needed a break from their studies.

  


And Agent Weaver's words still swirled in Leo's brain.

  


As they got into her office, the older woman had shot them a look of exasperated amusement as she pointed to a pile of papers resting on her desk: all letters from their professors.

Some were recommendations for advanced classes, some were notes about them and some were official requests to become their S.O once out of the Academy.

He and Jemma shared a wide-eyed look at that.

“So...”Agent Weaver looked at them from her seat at the desk, clasping her hands under her chin. “I knew that you were both extraordinary bright but I never imagined that you would go through and finish your freshmen year merely two months after entering the Academy. At this rate, you'll be graduating next year, three years earlier than anyone else in SHIELD Academy's history.”

Fitz had grinned at that statement, a trickle of pride going through him. He looked at Simmons who grinned back at him.

The following hour was all about their timetables and exams. Agent Weaver explained how they could take exams during the mid term sessions and proceed to follow classes in the meantime.

All in all, it was exactly how he and Simmons had planned it out.

If they followed their plans, they'd graduate by the middle of the following year.

It was only at the end of their meeting that the senior agent looked at them oddly. Leo recognised the look she had given them when they first met.

“Am I correct to assume that I will be receiving a request for the one available double dorm room from the two of you?” She asked, her gaze shifting to him and then to Simmons.

Leo felt a wave of warmth wash his face at Agent Weaver's knowing look.

'We're friends,' he reminded himself. 'Nothing else... Don't mess up and give her ideas...'

He looked at Simmons. Her face had taken a pink hint too but she nodded resolutely after glancing at him.

“Yes, Agent Weaver,” she replied, voice soft but firm. Leo ignored the little twist in his chest and nodded too.

“I see,” Agent Weaver's eyes didn't leave them. “And I presume you will work together once you graduate, right? I've seen some of your designs and prototypes. Taken singularly, they're very good. Put together, they blend and become outstanding. I've rarely seen engineering and biochemistry being so flexibly adapted to each other.”

Fitz smiled and nodded. Agent Weaver sighed softly.

“Leo. Jemma.”

Fitz blinked: it was the first time Agent Weaver called them by their first names. He saw Simmons' equally surprised face when he glanced at her.

Something told him that he wasn't going to like whatever the older agent was going to say...

  


And he didn't.

  


Fitz took a sip of his beer. Funnily enough, being twenty and not legal yet in America didn't stop the bartender from giving him and Simmons a beer: everyone knew them by now and he had expected to be given a soft drink. The boy at the bar was one of the seniors of the engineering wing and Leo had helped him recalibrate a bot; it seemed that the action had granted him and Simmons a couple of free drinks.

Fitz looked up from his seat, across the table and stared at Simmons, talking to a few girls from her dorm. She had always been the one, between them, to be more at ease with people. He watched her laugh at something and felt his heart constrict.

 

Agent Weaver had mentioned Section 17 again and while they both had tried to retort and repeat (for the hundredth time) that nothing romantic was going on between them, she had raised a hand to stop them.

“Section 17 is the only rule that protects SHIELD's operatives from themselves,” she said and smiled slightly, seeing their perplexed expressions. “The Academy seems like a common school or university: cadets learn, go to classes, make friends and, in some cases, start relationships that could lead to romantic ones. It's normal...”

Fitz had to force himself from turning to look at Simmons and ignored the clench of his chest.

'Friends, friends, _best friends_ ...' he kept thinking to himself. His feelings were just...messed up and shuffled. Their fight and _that_ kiss, the thought of being separated and then being just..off here at the Academy had scrambled his feelings for her. He knew that he cared for her, cared deeply.

But she was his best friend. Anything else would just unbalance them...

They just had to slip into their routines again, live together again and everything would be fine.

He never did well with changes...

The only change that he had willingly accepted was to leave home for MIT. It had been his way to escape.

And it had brought him Simmons—no, _Jemma_.

“Section 17 allows agents to have relationships as long as they're not in the same team or working space. That's not only for the sake of unity but also for safety purposes. Caring too much, loving a person, could bring to hasty reactions during a mission and it could lead to failure or death.”

Fitz frowned slightly. They were scientists: they were bound to work in a lab -a secure, sterile and _non-dangerous_ facility- where the only perils would be their experiments and chemical and mechanical compounds. He really didn't want to think of Simmons in a deadly situation. Nor himself.

Agent Weaver looked at him with a knowing glance.

“I know that you will be working in a Sci-Ops facility and not in the field,” she remarked. “And since you're so brilliant, you could probably land at the Sandbox or at any of SHIELD's major facilities. I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up at the Triskelion in a few years...”

Leo flushed: the thought of being assigned to the main headquarter where Director Fury resided was mind blowing. He glanced at Simmons and she grinned.

“But you will become Agents of SHIELD,” Agent Weaver continued. “Whether you are field operatives, scientists or data analysts, you will learn information about the agency. That knowledge puts us all in the condition of being hypothetical targets for terrorist organisations. The more you know, the more you do for SHIELD, the higher the risks...”

Fitz and Simmons shared an alarmed look.

“I'm not telling you this to scare you but I have to be honest with you and tell you what is outside the Academy. I usually have this talk with senior cadets but, since you will be seniors in a couple of months at the rate you're going, I imagined I could tell you now.

I am sure that you two will do a lot for SHIELD. You are brilliant and if these months at the Academy are an indicator of what you can do, I will hear your names being mentioned often,” Agent Weaver smiled and her eyes softened. “If you want truly want to work together, be partners in a lab, I must tell you to keep Section 17 in your minds. Scientists might have slightly different regulations and there is a rule that allows fraternization between close partners but only after a commission has examined the case. But I have to tell you, the cases that have passed are very rare.”

The little, unbidden bloom of hope that Leo felt in his chest shrivelled and died at Agent Weaver's words.

  


Leo sighed and took another swig of beer.

He had always known that there might be a possibility for he and Jemma to be more than friends. It had been a constant thought in the back of his mind, appearing every now and then and confusing the hell out of him. He realised shortly after their first kiss that their friendship was so tight and they were so symbiotic that if they got closer, it would only mean that they got together.

It was a possibility that held many wonderful aspects but was also frightening.

Terrifying if he actually thought of all the consequences if something were to go wrong.

He would lose her.

He could lose his best friend and Leo wasn't brave enough to take that step forward with _that_ looming possibility at the end.

He looked at Simmons again. A boy was talking to her. He recognised him as one of the cadets of the Physics wing: they had followed a class together.

Leo ignored the hot surge of warmth in his gut and the instinct to stand up and tell the bloke to step away from her. He also had to fight the urge to stand and leave.

He had already done that mistake once and Leo Fitz was one that learned from past errors.He never wanted to see that distraught look on Simmons' face again.

Fitz lifted the beer to his lips again, swallowing the cool liquid and the lump of jealousy in his throat.

They had both told Agent Weaver that Section 17 wouldn't be an issue for them. They had said that they were friends, very close friends, and nothing more.

It was the truth after all, right?

Leo allowed his eyes to wander around the crowded Boiler room, skimming through known and unknown faces. He was sitting in booth in the corner, alone since Simmons had been called over to talk by those girls. His eyes fell on her again.

She was still talking to that bloke (Tyron, that was his name if he wasn't wrong...). He was leaning against the wall, looking straight at Simmons while she was talking to him amidst her friends. He noticed how she smiled shyly at him, tilting her head to the side as she talked. He seemed to be listening to her with a smile, hanging to every single word.

Leo recalled Alison and Alec at school and remembered a moment when he caught a glimpse of them talking in the hallways before they’d started going out together.

Jemma and that bloke looked a lot like them right now...

The guy was older than them: everyone in Sci-Tech was actually, but he had noticed how Simmons caught the other boys' attention.

He could easily admit that Simmons was a pretty girl... though he probably wouldn't say that out loud any more.

He wondered if Tyron would ask her out. The thought alone made a flare ignite in his stomach with the distinct need to approach them and do something ridiculously stupid like grab Simmons' hand and take her away.

Or kiss her.

Shaking his head from these horrible (and tempting) ideas, Leo looked around the room again and was startled to see the girl he had run over earlier, waving her hand at him.

He blinked, unsure on what to do and feeling warmth invade his face.

It occurred to him that ever since his thoughts about Simmons had started to be confusing, he had sort of stopped noticing any other female around him. He was male and clearly had eyes and a pretty girl didn't go unnoticed by him but he never really bothered to make them notice him or attempted a conversation.

It wasn't only because he was probably rubbish in sweet talking a girl...

His life was so entwined to Simmons that he didn't know how to be apart from her. They had grown up and experienced things together.

  


It had always been the two of them.

  


Leo had never thought of having another person by his side. Besides his family, he had Jemma. Why need someone else? Why even want another girl?

Perhaps that was his mistake...

He cared for her. Deeply. But he honestly didn't the depths of his feelings for her.

There might be a possibility that he loved her in a completely non platonic way as much as he just loved her in the most platonic way.

They were so close that even his feelings -his own heart- depended on her. And hers on him.

 

And these feelings were making them uncomfortable with each other. They didn't know how to deal with them: it wasn't an experiment that they could test and see if it was successful or not.

 

Failure would mean shattering them.

  


Perhaps what they needed was to step back from each, allow their hearts to beat and work on their own and not together.

Allow their feelings to settle down and clear up.

It would make them understand...

  


Leo looked at the Biology girl over his beer bottle. She was still looking at him as she talked to her small group of friends.

  


Maybe this was the only way to go back to what they were...

  


He lifted his bottle and smiled in salute. Amy the biologist beamed at him, waving again.

Fitz tried to ignore the guilty feeling weighing in his stomach...

  


He’d barely had another sip when Simmons slid in the booth again, taking the seat next to him. She was still nursing her beer and she looked at him oddly. He realised that it was the same searching look he she had given him earlier.  


Leo wondered if she thought about them as much as he did...

 

“Having fun?” He asked, drinking again. His beer was almost gone.

Simmons smiled slightly.

“It's nice to unwind every now and then,” she replied. “Studying every waking minute can be tiring.”

He looked at her, concentrating on her face under the dim lights. She did look tired... A sudden thought crossed his mind.

“Please tell me that you're not pulling all nighters again,” he said, turning to her completely, frowning slightly.

She had the habit of getting stressed during exams weeks. He had learned early on to never leave her alone and to go to sleep only after she was in bed. She had once gone without sleep for three days and had almost collapsed on him before taking an exam.

“I just stay up a little bit at night,” she confessed. She looked at him and smiled. “Fitz, don't look so worried: I'm fine. Our schedules are insanely busy and I just need some hours at night to review.”

“You need sleep as well,” he retorted. He had to squash the urge to reach for her hand or wrist. “I personally know how you become when you're sleep deprived.” He smiled teasingly at her.

Simmons rolled her eyes but smiled too.

They enjoyed a little moment of silence between them, listening to the chattering and music in the Boiler room. Fitz's eyes fell on her again and she noticed it, arching a brow in query.

“I saw you speaking with Tyron from Advanced Physics,” he said, keeping his voice as neutral as possible.

Simmons blinked and then nodded.

“Yes, he was asking a few things about the class,” she replied, fiddling with the paper label of her beer. Leo wondered if he hadn't asked a few things about _her_ as well. “He also asked where we'd gone since he hasn't seen us in class for a while.”

“He's probably the only person in Sci-Tech that doesn't know that we're taking more advanced classes now.”

“Probably...” She toyed with her beer and then glanced at him again. “I didn't think you knew Amy Carver from the Biology wing.”

It was his turn to look at her and blink.

“I don't,” he said. “I ran into her this afternoon. Never seen her before that moment.” He took a swig of beer. “She did know me though and I think that she sort of asked me out for drinks...” Why was he rambling about this now?

Simmons stared at him, a flash of emotion crossed her eyes. Leo wondered if she had seen him smile at Amy a few moments ago.

The odd guilty feeling in his stomach intensified.

“She asked me about you,” she said, nonchalantly. “Quite a few times.”

“She did?” He asked and she nodded. “I see...”

They stayed in silence for another couple of minutes before deciding that they should go back to their dorm rooms and call it the night.

They chatted absently about their classes as they walked to her dorm room. Leo couldn't help but glance at her every now and then.

Could she be...annoyed by him looking or getting attention from other girls? That fleeting flash of unknown emotion that he had seen in her usually clear amber eyes made him wonder.

He felt that gnawing, hot sensation when a bloke talked or looked at her. If she felt the same, maybe she was going through his own confused emotions.

Maybe taking that step back from each other would really help them get back to where they were...

  


He had noticed that she was socialising a bit more now...

Perhaps she had come to the same conclusion?

  
The problem was that Leo couldn't ask her. He'd just have to assume that they were on the same page...

 

But what if they weren't...?

 

A trickle of unease went through his body.

 

They were almost at her dorm and she was walking a step ahead of him, talking about a project they were working on for Professor Hall.

Without thinking too much,Leo reached out and grabbed her wrist, stopping her mid sentence and mid step.

Jemma turned to him with wide eyes.

“Fitz?” She queried slowly, looking at him. He saw something flash in her eyes again.

Leo took a deep breath and smiled, uncertain.

“We're alright, yeah?” He asked softly.

She looked at him for a full minute, eyes newly searching

His question was for everything: their talk with Agent Weaver, the unease between them at times, the fact that they were both getting to know other people...

He needed to know if she was alright with this. With him.

Leo felt her fingertips brush against his skin, a soft soothing motion and then she smiled, eyes clear again.

“Of course,” she answered softly with a smile. “We'll always be.”

A little weight lifted from Fitz's shoulders as he nodded.

  


They'll be alright...

  


-:-

  


It was almost December when they applied formally for their double dorm room. They were almost done with their second year exams and expected to receive an answer by the time they got back from Christmas break.

Fitz had barely hidden his joy when Simmons asked him about going to Glasgow and spending the holidays there since it was his family’s turn to have her and her family for Christmas.

Leo had feared that she wouldn’t want it anymore. He feared that she’d want them to be a bit more distant...but he’d been wrong.

Simmons must have noticed his reaction and understood his unsaid fear because she frowned slightly at him; then she closed her binder full of notes with finality and looked at him.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Fitz,” she said softly. She looked disappointed, even a little bit hurt, that he could think like that.

“Sorry,” he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked everywhere- at every point of the library- but her as he tried to think of a way to explain his relief. He heard Simmons huff softly and stand up. He looked up at her, expecting to see an angry or sad look on her face but she just looked at him with a wry smile.

“Let's go have lunch, yeah?” She asked, putting away her things in her bag. Fitz quickly copied her and they both left their usual, secluded table in the library and walked through the campus.

Leo felt tongue-tied: he wondered what he could do or say to let Simmons know that he hadn't meant to doubt her but that he doubtful of everything now.

However, she took the matter in her own hands, knowing how he was unable to voice his thoughts and emotions correctly.

Simmons softly bumped their shoulders together, making Fitz turn to look at her despite all his attempts to not do so. She was smiling, her eyes soft and warm as always.

“I'll probably forgive you if you offer me dessert,” she remarked offhandedly. Fitz arched a brow at her teasing voice and then cracked a smile.

“Of course,” he said. He didn't need to explain: she'd understand him as always.

 

They were slowly slipping back to being themselves again...

 

They were almost outside Sci-Tech when a voice reached them.

“FitzSimmons!” They turned as one and saw one of the older cadets that worked in the administration offices. “Agent Weaver wanted me to give you these.” The girl handed them two yellow envelopes: the same that they had used to request the double dorm room.

Fitz and Simmons shared an alarmed glance and barely noticed the older cadet bidding them goodbye.

Leo stared at the envelope in his hand. Had Agent Weaver decided that they were too at risk for Section 17? Could she have refused their request without really giving them a chance?

He noticed that Simmons was staring at the envelope too. Then with a resolute look, she opened it. Fitz followed her suit.

For a whole minute, they just stood by Sci-Tech's entrance reading the single sheet of paper that announced that their exam results had been -in an exceptional way- been graded before time and they had both acquired the necessary credits to become seniors.

The last line was to tell them that they could move into their new dorm the following day and to have a good holiday break.

Leo couldn't believe his eyes. He looked up at Jemma and saw her beaming smile for a moment before she jumped and hugged him.

He took a step back, balancing them both and laughed.

“We're moving in together tomorrow,” he whispered in her ear.

“Yes! This is just wonderful, Fitz!” Simmons said happily. Then, realising that she was literally in his arms, she stepped back, blushing. Leo felt the warmth invading his face too but he couldn't stop the smile on his face.

“I'm paying for lunch,” he announced, starting to walk. He turned to her and grinned. “We've got to celebrate and decide how to move in.”

Simmons stared at him for a moment before grinning back and walking along with him.

 

-:-

 

They decided to pack and move into the new dorm immediately.

It was Friday and they would have the whole weekend -a blissful class-free weekend- to settle in. Unfortunately, their timetables didn't match this time: Simmons had all morning classes while Fitz had the afternoon and evening ones.

They opted to move in on their own: Fitz would take his things in the morning while Simmons would do it the afternoon. In this way, they'd see each other in the evening and finish unpacking before dinner.

Fitz quickly packed his belongings and realised, much to his surprise, that he had a large number of prototypes, devices and blueprint scrolls strewn in his room.

He never really realised how much work he'd done on his own. He had spent all the time that he wasn't with Simmons, pouring over ideas and projects.

By the time he had to go to class, he had a box of devices and blueprints to take to his new dorm room. It occurred to him that he had to take it there in the evening. The double dorm rooms were in a building close to the lab facilities and the Engineering wing was on the opposite side.

He would never make it on time to class.

With a huff, he reached for his phone as he locked his room's door and walked to class. He quickly wrote a text to Simmons.

 

[13:45 – To Jemma:] Too many things to pack. I'll have to go back to my room before coming to our dorm. I might be late. :(

 

Her reply came immediately.

 

[13:47 – From Jemma:] I'll wait... Maybe, I can make something for dinner. Any preferences? :)

 

Leo grinned, feeling elated as he hadn't been in a while.

 

[13:49 – To Jemma:] Your trademark sandwich? *_*

 

[13:50 – From Jemma:] With some pesto aioli?

 

[13:51 – To Jemma:] Just a hint.

 

His smile widened, if possible, when she replied.

 

[13:53 – From Jemma:] Duly noted.. ;) See you later.

 

-:-

  
When Fitz reached his new dorm, it was almost nine o'clock. His last class had ended late -way too late- and it had taken him some time to carefully pack his devices and blueprint scrolls so that they wouldn't get ruined in the rain that had started outside..

He had texted Simmons explaining his delay but she hadn't answered. He ignored the little twinge of concern in his chest and hoped that she wouldn't be annoyed, mad or just disappointed by him.

When he unlocked the door and walked into the dorm, he was hit by a vague sense of déjà-vu. It looked a lot like their old dorm at MIT in its set-up and furniture but it was SHIELD all over the place for its colours and sterile colours.

He was almost going to call Simmons loudly when he didn't see her around despite the lights on and the two plates covered by napkins on the table when he caught a glimpse of honey coloured hair on the sofa.

He silently walked closer and his heart constricted at the sight of Jemma curled on the sofa, fast asleep. She looked so...small...

Leo's eyes wandered around and he saw the blue blanket she used to leave in the common room and that she would use to cover herself when she got cold.

Carefully putting his box down, he picked the blanket and draped it over her. She moved slightly, snuggling under the fabric and he smiled.

Picking his box again, Leo walked into his new room. It was a perfect replica of his older one: it seemed that SHIELD didn't really try to change the furniture and arrangements...

He quickly unpacked his things and started putting them away, ignoring his grumbling stomach. He was wondering how to pin his blueprints to the wall and didn't realise that he had spent almost twenty minutes in his room.

  


“Leo?”

  


Fitz turned around abruptly almost dropping the scroll in his hand. Jemma was standing at his door, looking adorably sleepy.

He couldn't help but think that she looked beautiful with her mussed hair and soft, slightly dazed eyes but he quickly dispelled the thought.

'Friends, best friends,' he reminded himself. 'Don't mess it up.'

He must have been silent for too long because she approached him, after rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

  
“Fitz?”

  


He wondered if his name had just slipped out before. An old habit that never really died down. He missed hearing her calling him Leo just as much as he missed calling her Jemma.

  


“Hey,” he said with a smile.

“When did you come in?” She asked, smiling slightly.

“Less than half an hour ago... It took me a bit to finish packing.”

“I didn't hear you.”

“You were dead to the world,” he teased, putting his scrolls on the desk. “I didn't want to wake you up.”

“You should have,” she protested. “I could have helped you.”

Fitz shook his head.

“I'm almost done.” he said and before he could say anything else, his stomach grumbled loudly again.

Jemma giggled softly while he blushed.

“Come on,” she said, “Let's eat before your stomach complains again.”

Dinner was a quick business.

Leo all but inhaled his sandwich and Jemma teased him as she ate hers. He couldn't help smiling despite his protests her words that he was a bottomless pit.

They had both unpacked and put all of their things in place: they just had some minor adjustments to do but they both agreed that they could do it tomorrow.

They were too tired now to think about arranging their things around the dorm.

They opted to watch a film and Leo quickly set up his laptop to the television screen and after a quick decision with Jemma, Harry Potter and Philosopher's stone was playing.

Leo felt his body relax on the sofa as he watched the film for the nth time: it had been a while since he felt like this.

Jemma was sitting next to him, blanket covering her as she watched the film, eyes open but filled with tiredness. He honestly wondered if she'd been sleeping recently.

He'd take care of that now: there was no way that Jemma Simmons would be so reckless of her well being.

 

He'd take care of her.

That's what best friends did, right?

 

Halfway through the film, Leo felt Jemma's head drop softly on his arm. He looked at her and saw that her eyes were still fixed on the screen.

He didn't say anything and ignored the little jump his heart did at the close contact.

“Do you want me to stop the film?” He asked and she looked up at him, amber eyes peering through honey strands.

His heart did an odd twist.

“No,” she replied softly. “I might doze off in a while but not yet.”

“Alright...” He nodded and turned to the film again. His attention dropped completely when he felt Jemma's hand around his wrist. He looked down at her again only to find her staring at him.

She smiled softly at his confused expression.

“I'm glad we're alright, Leo,” she whispered. “I missed this.”

 

For a moment, Leo wondered what she meant with _this_. His presence, the comfortable silence and being together?

It took him a few seconds that he really didn't care for the answer.

Tomorrow they'd be Fitz and Simmons again, not Jemma and Leo. They will talk with other people and maybe accept to go out with them. They'd try to revert to being only friends.

But now...they didn't have to.

 

Whatever _this_ was, he had missed it too.

  


“Me too, Jemma,” he replied and gently squeezed her fingers.

 

As they shared a smile and watched the film, Leo swore to himself that he wouldn't mess their relationship. Not again.

He cared for her friendship too much.

He'd sort his feelings out.

Maybe this was just a crush...or maybe his feelings were stronger than what he thought...

He'd figure them out.

  


Until then, he would be Jemma's best friend.

He wouldn't leave her side and would take care of her.

  


It was a promise.

  


-:-  


Leo faltered once in his promise.

The day of their graduation from Sci-Tech, less than a year later, he went to a flower shop and ordered a bouquet.

 

For Jemma.

 

His feelings weren't still clear to him but he knew that he cared for her deeply. He could be in love with her.

He realised that he could easily fall in love with Jemma Simmons.

 

They were going to leave the Academy and had decided to accept a job in Sci-Ops facility in Boston. They had both agreed to go to Boston because it reminded them of MIT: they had even gotten an apartment together.

And the Sci-Ops facility there was one of the largest ones.

 

Things would be different from now on.

They were Agents of SHIELD, scientists that worked to maintain world peace.

It wasn’t going to be studying and exams anymore…

 

Everything was going to be real.

 

Leo never did well with changes but this was something he was looking forward to.

So he decided to give in to one of his hidden thoughts… before some other man could walk in and take her away.

 

Leo decided that he wanted to try and see if Jemma wanted them to be more than just friends and partners. Their lives were going to change now; perhaps, they could sort this out as well.

They might be both confused with their feelings but, maybe, they could try to understand them together.

When they woman at the flower shop smiled at him and asked if he knew which flowers he wanted, Leo blushed but nodded firmly and then listed the flowers he wanted. His mother's voice echoed in his mind providing him with the meaning of each of them.

Pink roses, pink tulips and yellow tulips.

And the message they conveyed was quite simple: I care about our friendship and I'm hopelessly in love with you.

 

It was a gamble. If it went well, he'd be happy; if it didn't, he'd think it over again.

Jemma might understand it and accept it. Or she might not.

He didn't want to think of the possibility of her understanding but not accepting his impromptu confession.

 

At the end, when they both grinned as another cadet took pictures of them during their ceremony and walked to their dorm room to change, Fitz took out the bouquet and gave it to Simmons.

She looked stunned for a moment and stared at the flowers as she took the bouquet, fingers gliding over the soft petals. She looked up at him with an odd look, clearly wondering why he would give her flowers: he had never given her any before.

Then she started rambling, eyes wide in alarm and guilty as she said that she hadn't gotten anything for him.

Leo waved her apologies away and grinned, saying that he just wanted to give her something.

Jemma stared at him searchingly but then smiled broadly and hugged him tight and gave him a small kiss on the cheek, telling him that he was wonderful and her best friend in the world.

Leo smiled as he hugged her back and his heart cracked a little.

  


She didn't understand but he got his answer.

They were still best friends though.

  


He could live with that.

  


As long as he could stay by her side, he would be alright.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -HEAD CANON SERIES-
> 
> Sorry for the delay but work is killing me and cutting all of my writing time. And the prompts for the FitzSimmons week shaved a bit of that time too.
> 
> And I feel as though I should apologize for the mammoth-size my chapters are turning out recently: it seems that writing very little every day increases the length of my stories and they also get more and more detailed.
> 
> And...I lied. This will be 4 chapters long. I might have a little bit of a soft spot for Fitz writing-wise and I tend to write a lot more from his POV. This section has turned out enormous and I opted to post it on its own and add the rest in another chapter.
> 
> I also realised that Tis the Season To Be Jolly was my first story for this series and while I had a vague outline of the whole universe, I didn't have all the details clear in my mind like I do now.
> 
> Hence, biblical chapters... X(
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> A big thank you to all the people who have left a review and have liked my work. I'm way beyond flattered. You guys are the best... :)
> 
> The Prompt was #49. Lock.
> 
> Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.

 

_ -23 years old- (Before 23 years old in Tis the Season) _

 

“Do you like this one?”

“Yeah...”

“ More than  _ this  _ one?”

“Yeah...”

 

Simmons stared at him, holding a white dress shirt in a hand and a striped dress shirt in the other. She arched an eyebrow.

“Fitz,” she said, lowering the two hangers in her hands. “You do realise that you've been giving the same answer for all of my questions in the last hour, yeah?”

“Ye- no!” Leo quickly corrected himself, trying to focus and not let her notice that he'd stopped paying attention to the shopping exactly an hour ago.

And that was when she had stopped looking for a dress and had started helping him -more like deciding for him actually- find a suit for the End-of-the-Year Sci-Ops party.

Apparently, he was not that good of an actor...

“ Oh,  _ Fitz _ ,” Simmons huffed. “Why do I even bother?”

“It's just a party, Simmons,” he retorted, feeling a bit guilty at her disappointed tone.

A soft whack on his nape made him jump and Alison walked past him, holding two ties.

“ _ Leo _ , behave,” she warned him, shooting him a look that made him want to hide.

  
  


Honestly, why was here again? With  _ these two _ ?

Shopping??

  
  


Alison examined the shirts Jemma was holding and the looked at the ties. She then looked at her brother with a critical eye.

“I'd say the striped shirt and the blue tie,” his sister remarked. “It goes well with the dark suit you've got.”

Simmons looked at the garments and then glanced at him.

“Yes, I agree,” she said with a nod. “He'll look quite dapper and the blue will bring out the colour of his eyes too...”

Alison smirked.

“ Oh,  _ really _ ?”

The teasing note in his sister's voice made Leo blush. He saw Simmons freeze when she realised what she had said and registered Alison's tone. He was sure that the fiery shade of red of her face matched his own.

“ _ Right _ ... I-I'll put these back in their place,” Simmons took the other tie from Alison's hand and all but sprinted past him, catching his eyes for a second before blushing again.

Fitz turned and followed her with his gaze until she disappeared behind an aisle. He turned around and saw his sister grinning at him.

He frowned, running his free hand on his face. His other hand was laden with a couple of shopping bags that were Simmons' dress and shoes for the party.

“Was that really necessary?” He asked, barely hiding his annoyance.

Alison shrugged.

“It's extremely easy to tease the two of you,” she said with a smile. “Besides...she said that on her own. You can't blame me for that.”

Leo swallowed dryly and let out a puff of breath. He really didn't want to linger on the thought that Simmons would compliment him or notice him in a suit.

Things were hard enough as they were...

“Just stop doing that,” he said.

“Stop doing what?” Alison asked, approaching him. “Hinting that you two could easily be together?”

“Yeah,” Leo frowned again. He had long lost count of the times people just assumed that he and Simmons were a couple.

Their landlord, their coworkers at Sci-Ops (and that befuddled him because -er...Section 17 anyone?-) and of course, their families.

He didn't want to fight his ever-struggling feelings every single time...

“You two are being ridiculous,” Alison commented offhandedly. “Any person with eyes can see how you look at each other. How you behave... Honestly, it's simple...” His sister shook her head as she started rummaging through a shelf of waistcoats.

Leo followed her, pursing his lips and swallowing his retorts.

His relationship with Simmons was  _ anything  _ but simple.

They were best friends and partners. They were housemates and co-workers.

And amidst all of this, in everything they shared, there was something more: a hazy mist of feelings and emotions that made Leo want to hold her closer and keep her at arms' length at the same time.

He knew that she felt the same way. They had both been struggling with different emotions.

“Simmons and I are friends,” he said. Alison picked a hanger and looked at the waistcoat hanging on it before looking at him.

“ Straighten up: I want to see how this could look on you,” she said, putting the dark waistcoat in front of him. “Hmmm...  _ no _ .” She put it away. “And I swear, this Simmons-Fitz business is driving me insane. I can understand that you've got to address to each other formally at work, but here? You're at home! You've known each other since you were fifteen!”

Fitz rolled his eyes. This was another thing that his sister had been badgering him for years.

Ever since they'd gone to the specialised school (as they called the Academy because they couldn't mention SHIELD to anyone) and had come back for the holidays calling each other by their surnames, their families had looked at them oddly for days.

He realised that they did have a reason to do so. After five years of hearing them calling each other Leo and Jemma, it must have been weird to have them address each other with their surnames.

“You know why we do it,” he retorted, shifting the bag in his grip. “Our work requires us to be formal to each other. And now we stick to our surnames all the time because we're used to it. Nothing has changed.”

 

_ Everything  _ had changed from the time before the Academy but Leo didn't voice the thought.

 

Alison looked at him with an arched brow but didn't question him. He knew that his sister knew what he was thinking.

“Hmm,” she said. “And this Government organization where you're working so much now has the same rules?”

Leo nodded. He and Simmons had agreed to tell their families that they were working in a private lab for the American Government.

They had accepted their explanation and had shown more than a bit of pride for their achievements but Leo wondered how much they truly believed them. He had noticed the subtle glances the Simmons' exchanged and the way his mother and sister would mask a concerned look when he or Simmons talked vaguely about work.

He wondered when secrecy had become so important in his life.

It wasn't only SHIELD. He was keeping many things to himself lately...

“Whatever...” Alison huffed and picked another waistcoat. “Anyway, what's gotten into you?”

“What?” Leo looked at her in confusion.

“You're odd today and it's not only because Jemma and I have dragged you out for shopping,” She glanced at him. “And it's not because Bryce is here..”

Leo winced at the hint of sadness his sister's voice had taken but didn't comfort her.

His relationship with his brother was... gone. Leo had stopped attempting to be civil and trying to build their old relationship. Ever since Alison's wedding, when they fought and Bryce had threatened Jemma and then the whole guilt-trip he had put on Leo which caused his fight with Simmons, he had stopped caring for his brother.

And Bryce was finally noticing it.

His brother had changed after their last fight. He had ditched his old friends James and Andrew, concentrated in his studies and worked hard. And somewhere along the line, he had met Leslie, a girl that was studying psychology at his University.

What this girl saw in his brother was beyond Leo's understanding... but she stuck around and they got together.

And got married last year.

Leo had been invited (only him and not Simmons and her family) and he was sure that invitation must have been sent either by his mother or by his new sister-in-law.

He had been tempted not to go but the thought of his mother and sister's disappointed faces made him leave the apartment he shared with Simmons in Boston and go home.

He didn't stay for long. He was home the night before the wedding and left immediately after the ceremony. He said that he was busy at work and that he couldn't stay away for long.

Leo had left his brother a note where he welcomed Leslie in the Fitz family and told Bryce that his wedding gift was his not being at his wedding reception. It was his way to tell him that he didn’t want to be in his brother’s life: Leo had been hurt and hoped too much to believe in Bryce’s reprieve.

Leo hadn't felt guilty: only a bit empty inside. When he got to the apartment, very late that night, he found Simmons waiting for him. One look and she hugged him tight, silently giving him comfort.

He had seen Bryce after almost two years and he kept their interactions as detached and minimum as possible. All the things he had known about his life had been provided by his mother, sister or Alec in passing conversations.

Alison had noticed of course...

“Nothing is wrong,” he replied and his sister scoffed.

“Yeah, sure,” Alison scowled at him, eyes blazing. “You're telling me that now and then you'll go off to Alec for advice or concoct some plan to put me and Mum off track.”

Leo winced again.

Alison hadn't been happy to hear about all the things he had hidden from her in the past. Alec had -for reasons that Leo still didn't know- confessed all about Leo's school struggles with Bryce and his cronies and the scuffle at the wedding. It had happened shortly after the wedding and his sister was still very mad and disappointed about it.

Alison hadn't taken it well... Leo had received more than one angry phone call from her. Or had been at the receiving end of many harsh looks.

He didn't know what Alec had gone through but it seemed that she and Bryce had argued rather viciously.

That would explain his brother's sudden and complete change of character. And the fact that after his wedding, he had moved to Edinburgh, close to Leslie's family and didn't stay in Glasgow where their mother and sister lived.

Luckily for him, Alison's anger had subsided...though she did throw him a jibe every now and then.

“You know why I did it,” he said softly, free hand rubbing the back of his neck in nervousness as he looked at his feet. “I didn't want to make you worry.”

He looked up and saw his sister stare at him with a soft look and a pained smile.

“ I know,” she replied, approaching him. “But  _ I  _ should have helped you out, Leo.” She ran a hand through his hair as she did when he was a child. “I could have helped you. Why am I even there for if not to help my little brother?”

Leo smiled.

“For everything else?” He suggested. Alison smiled and ruffled his hair before going through the waistcoat section again.

“Anyway,” she said, picking up another hanger and then putting it away. “You still haven't told me what’s bothering you. What's wrong?”

“I told you nothing is-”

“ _ Leo _ ...”

Fitz huffed and leaned against the pillar near the shelf. He supposed that he could be a wee bit honest then...

“I'm a bit weary of this End-of-the-Year party,” he said, turning to his side to see if Simmons was approaching. The last thing he wanted was to her to hear him.

 

He had more than a reason to not want to go to this event...

 

“It's just a party,” Ali remarked, looking at him with an arched brow. He shot her a deadpanned look. “Alright, you don't like parties. So why even bother to go to this one?”

“ Simmons asked me to-” He stopped talking the moment he saw the teasing smile his sister shot at him. “Oh,  _ come on _ ...” He couldn't stop the little wave of irritation coursing in him.

“ So, Jemma just says the word and you do it?” Alison smirked. “And you're surprised when I say that you're a couple? You're  _ so  _ whipped.”

“Stop it,” It came out harsher than he expected and he felt immediately guilty as he saw the surprised look on Alison's face.

“Sorry,” he muttered and looked away.

The allusions that they were a couple were slowly getting to him. He usually brushed them off, along with Simmons, with an embarrassed smile and a shake of his head.

He always felt that little pang in his chest and a voice in his head berating him, telling him that he was a coward and that he could at least try and tell something to Simmons or just get over her.

Especially after the last few months...

They had both started to go out with other people. Coffee dates at the Academy had turned into dinners while at Sci-Ops but the concept was the same.

Fitz tried his best to ignore the flare of jealousy when Simmons went out with some Sci-Ops co-worker or the occasional specialist that would waltz into their lab or stop her while walking in the hallways, asking her out for dinner. He ignored the pinkish tint her face would take when she agreed with a flustered smile.

He desperately ignored the gnawing envy in his stomach whenever the bloke left with a grin on his face. He could ask her out because he wasn't working with her.

He wasn't her partner.

He didn't have to worry about Section 17.

Fitz had started to go out with girls in the Academy because he wanted to see if the confused feelings he had for his best friend were truly....  _ feelings  _ or just a crush on the girl that had been by his side for years.

When Simmons had started dating, he asked girls out to keep his mind off his best friend. Some of them were nice, truly nice to be with and talk to, but he couldn't see them as more than some pretty girls. There had been kisses and snogs but nothing more.

Fitz wasn't particularly articulate when it came to speaking to girls. It had taken him various disastrous attempts -embarrassing too- before he gained some confidence.

Simmons seemed to be going through similar trials as well.

They never talked about their relationships but they would, every now and then, talk about a date or laugh about a terrible line Fitz had said or the way a nervous Simmons would ramble.

But none of these people lingered.

It was just a date, two at most, and then it was FitzSimmons all the time again. They'd be together in their lab and then in their shared apartment.

 

It was Fitz that had shifted the balance.

 

Months ago, he met Emily Ashton, a Level 2 data analyst who stationed at Boston's Sci-Ops facility. The black haired, grey eyed woman had started talking to him after they worked together in securing the facility's computer system after a particular vicious thunder storm.

After a few weeks, the twenty seven year old American woman asked him out. Leo had been surprised and a little flustered but had accepted: Emily was quite pretty and intelligent and he looked forward to knowing her better.

He started going out with her regularly after another few weeks and got back to the apartment after dinners or cinemas.

Leo always found Simmons waiting for him either in the living room or in her room with the door open. She'd smile at him, asking about his date.

He thought he saw some flash of emotion cross her face when he appeared with a smile but it was so fleeting that he wondered if it was just his imagination.

For once, Leo Fitz allowed himself to be happy with a woman that wasn't Jemma Simmons. And it seemed to work. Simmons was still his best friend and partner, their relationship wasn't jeopardized in any way and Emily was his girlfriend -of sorts, they never really talked about it.

For the first month or so, everything went fairly well.

 

That was until Jemma started dating Erik Eisen.

 

Eisen was a Level 6 German physicist who worked at their facility. He was well spoken of among co-workers and brilliant in his field which focused on energy sources, varying from solar to nuclear energy. Eisen had worked with them and Fitz had been impressed by his ideas and theories. Simmons too.

But then Eisen started dropping into their lab often and he noticed the way the other man looked and smiled at his partner and  _ that  _ had dampened his friendliness towards him.

And he had ignored the shy way Simmons smiled back at him even though it sent hot flares gnawing his stomach.

He wasn't thoroughly surprised when he learned that they would be going out together. He did his best to keep his façade and smiled when Simmons told him.

There was no need for her to know about the way her words made his stomach churn.

He realised that if he could go out and date, she could ( _ should _ ) be doing this as much as she wanted as well; whether he liked it or not, they weren't bound to each other in any way.

His cowardice and their struggling emotions didn't count as any sort of tether between them.

He had been so wrapped up in sorting out his feelings, trying to understand if he was only harbouring a long crush on his best friend and seeing if Emily now could make him go past that point, that he didn't realise that Simmons could have been thinking the same.

She could have been trying to sort her feelings out too.

It all hit him with stunning clarity when he got back to the apartment after spending the evening out with Emily. He opened the door to find the house dark and no Simmons around.

He remembered her saying that she had a date with Eisen: they had been seeing each other for a month now.

And he didn't know when she would be back.

Not having her greet him at home sent a tingle of unease in his stomach but the mere thought of her not coming back for the night made an icy feeling claw at his heart.

Jemma Simmons was a beautiful woman and there was no way that Eisen wouldn't be attracted to her in the most physical of ways; as a male, he could clearly relate to that.

Leo had given in a bit to these urges while dating Emily: they had snogged in her car, touched each other and he had let his hands and mouth wander freely when she allowed it. She had done the same.

 

He didn't even want to think what Simmons could be doing with Eisen.

 

When she entered the apartment less than an hour after him, smiling and happy, Leo felt relief and dread mingled altogether.

But he didn't let her notice his inner turmoil; as much as he was torn inside, he saw that she was happy. Eisen was making her happy.

As a friend, he should be glad that the bloke was not hurting his best friend.

He shouldn't be inwardly feeling the nagging urge to smash the bloke’s skull or be in his place...

Leo Fitz was many things but he would never be disloyal or cause pain to the ones he cared for. He was currently dating Emily and Jemma was happy with Eisen.

He'd be happy for her. Even though he dreaded the moment when she'd say that she had fallen in love with the German physicist.

But it would be his fault really... Leo couldn't figure out his feelings for her; he honestly couldn't expect that no other man wouldn't notice her or that she wouldn't notice anyone else.

He lived with these feelings for another month and didn't realise that something was slowly going off with Emily.

Actually, he didn't notice that Emily despised Simmons until it was blatantly shoved in his face.

There had been little comments at first: complaints about him spending all of his time with the biochemist and Fitz laughing them off, saying that they lived and worked together and how on Earth could they do that if they didn't spend time together?

He didn't mention that he and Simmons were rarely alone together nowadays. Ever since they'd both started dating, they didn't spend much time at home to watch a film or go out somewhere on their own. Even their lunch breaks were now divided with Eisen and Emily.

He missed it...

Then, Emily got a bit weary of his adamant resolve to not invite her over to the apartment.

FitzSimmons were among the handful of Sci-Ops agents that lived in an apartment that wasn't a SHIELD chosen house. Those apartments were usually turned into some sort of dorm and three to four agents lived together.

The agents that could afford to live in another secure establishment were usually either the higher level operatives or the ones that could afford to buy or rent an apartment with their salary.

Sci-Ops agents below Level 4 didn't get a very high salary but FitzSimmons had managed, despite their Level 3 status and young age, to get a lease on an apartment and had paid for the rent with their savings.

Having their privacy and being on their own was something that many agents yearned for.

So Emily's request to come over and stay with him at the apartment, spend time with him there where he lived and, maybe, spend the night was a rather normal one.

As any red-blooded man, Fitz couldn't deny that he had thought of sex and Emily's willingness had made him think about it more.

However, whatever thought he had or urge he felt vanished when he imagined Simmons' face if he brought Emily to their apartment, leaving no misunderstanding to the reason of her being there.

He couldn't bring himself to do it.

The mental image of the biochemist's possible expression made him feel ill...

Moreover, even if Simmons  _ didn't  _ care whether he brought someone home, she never had. Eisen had never been to their apartment.

He imagined the situation reversed and felt even worse.

There was a balance right now between him and Simmons: they were in a place where everything... worked. As friends and partners. And they seemed to coexist with that hazy grey area in their relationship.

They sometimes rocked that thin line between them but it always settled back.

If one of them rocked it too much, it might break and that would mean breaking them.

 

Fitz would never allow it.

 

Emily cottoned onto his hidden feelings and doubts and hadn't been happy about them. Her words had been harsh and pained and Leo could have accepted her anger if it had been reserved for him. But how could he restrain  _ his  _ anger when she’d insulted Simmons?

They’d fought in her car while in the cinema's parking lot. 

“I’ve told you already: Simmons and I are friends,” he repeated in exasperation. “Best friends: we’ve known each other for years!”

“ Yeah, sure…  _ Friends _ ,” Emily scoffed, moving her hair out of her eyes with a sharp movement. “If she was just your friend, you wouldn’t mind being with me while she’s there! You barely look at me if she’s in the same room…”

“That’s because-”

“ Yeah, you don’t like being affectionate in public,” she quoted him with a mocking tone. “No, you don’t like being affectionate in front of  _ her _ .” Leo recoiled slightly at the vehemence in her voice. “I saw the way you look at her, the way you just seem to hang on to every word she says...”

Leo didn’t say a word as Emily just described his interactions with Simmons. The bitter harshness of her tone when she spoke about Simmons made him cringe. How hadn’t he noticed this before?

“How does she do it?” Leo looked at her in confusion and she laughed snarkily. “Honestly, how does she manage to string along two guys like she does?”

“She’s not-” Leo felt a tingle of anger in his veins.

“Really? She’s dating a guy now, isn’t she? And then what? She come back to your apartment -that I’ve never seen after three months!- and fools around with you?”

“We don’t fool around!” Leo said heatedly. Emily was implying things about Simmons that were making his blood boil. “And she’s _not_ like that.”

“ Oh, of course… How  _ dare  _ I say something bad about dear Simmons? Little Miss Perfect with her two PhDs… Is she even  _ that  _ smart? Or do you do the work and the credit goes to her by default? Is FitzSimmons nothing more than her elaborate way to climb the social hierarchy in SHIELD? She could be fooling you for her own benefit…” 

“Simmons is not-” His ears were ringing now. How could she accuse Simmons of being so sly and manipulative?

Emily’s eyes hardened. 

“How did she manage to get you so whipped? She must be good at whatever she’s doing with you to make you be like this. We’re not doing anything more than teenagers would, so she must be doing the rest with you. She must be practised as hell since she’s doing it with you and the other guy..”

“ _ Stop it, _ ”  Leo felt the blood rush into his ears. Emily’s words just made him angry; it wasn’t even because of the implied accusation of him being unfaithful. It was because she accused Simmons of being something she was not..

He couldn’t stand  _ that _ .

Their fight turned into a shouting match and at the end, Emily gave him an ultimatum.

 

“ _ It's either me or her.” _

 

He liked Emily, he truly did. He might have fallen in love with her at some point... maybe...

If he ever managed to sort out his feelings.

But she had insulted his best friend, the girl that had been by his side since he was fifteen.

And she asked him to leave Jemma:  _ that  _ would never be an option for him. Feelings aside, she was too entwined to his life to part from her.

It would mean losing a part of himself.

Emily didn't understand that: she just saw Simmons as the best friend,  _ girl  _ friend, who had his mind and heart in a jumble. Emily did know anything about them and their history. She couldn't ( _ wouldn't _ ) understand.

The breakup was quick and Leo told her that he didn't want to see her. He managed to avoid her at Sci-Ops and, thankfully, they didn’t end up working together again.

That had happened two months ago. And one month ago, Simmons and Eisen had broken up for reasons that he ignored. The two were still on good terms and the physicist still dropped by their lab to say hello and talk with her.

Rather than easing his mind, their breakup had left Leo with a feeling of unease. He lived with the fear that at some point, Simmons would get back together with Eisen.

Definitely this time.

“Leo?”

He looked up abruptly, shaking his head to dispel the flood of thoughts that had invaded his mind. Alison was staring at him, concern clear in her brown eyes.

For one fleeting second, Leo felt the urge to spill all of his doubts and fears to his sister. He felt like a little boy again, scared that he was going to do something wrong.

But he couldn't do it. He honestly didn't know how to define and express his feelings for Simmons, let alone, explain them to anyone and get advice.

“Just got lost in thought,” he said, clearing his throat slightly and forcing a smile on his face. Alison wasn't convinced at all: he could clearly tell by the look on her face but she didn't press on.

She just stared at him for a moment, searchingly, before picking another waistcoat from the rack and approached him, measuring the garment on him.

Leo knew that she wouldn't let him be: she knew that something was worrying him and she wouldn't allow him to get away with it. Especially now that she knew how he had hidden things to her in the past.

“This looks good,” she murmured after a while, looking at the dark vest in her hand and then looked up at him. Leo was surprised to see a glint of understanding in her eyes.

He watched his sister absently skim the hangers in the aisle, looking thoughtful. Leo was worried that she could be thinking that he was hiding things from her again and thought about a way to explain himself.

So her next statement surprised him completely.

“Did you know that I didn't want to be with Alec at the start?”

Leo blinked.

“ _ What? _ ”

Alison looked at him, smiling slightly.

“Well, you know that the MacDaniels were old friends of Dad's,” she said. “I've known Alec before you were even born: we've been in the same classes together and we were friends. As we grew up, he turned out to be a bit of the popular bloke, doing sports and such.”

“You were popular too,” Leo retorted, not completely sure of where she was going with this talk. “You had lots of friends: I remember that.”

“ _ I  _ had friends...,” Alison corrected him, smiling sadly. “I had friends as every person should have at school.” Leo blinked, realising that he was being biased merely for the fact that  _ he  _ had been alone and he nodded slowly.

“Anyway... We were friends: we went out with our common group of friends, laughed and had a good time together. And then... well, Dad died and things got...complicated.”

Complicated was an understatement.

Their entire life had changed, leaving them in a mess of broken feelings and pain. He had been only eight at the time but he clearly remembered what happened in the house.

His dad gone, his mum still in hospital, recovering from the injury, his uncle and aunt taking care of them and the three of them...lost. Leo recalled spending nights crying on his bed wondering why his brother avoided him, missing his mother and (even more) his father and being taken to school by his sister who suddenly looked older and that smiled forcibly at him.

Something must have shown on his face because Alison smiled wryly.

“Of course, you know about it,” she said softly. “But, you were still so small, so I don't know if you remember Alec's mum and dad coming over to help Uncle Sean and Aunt Anne. Liam single handedly rebuilt the guest room so that it could become Mum's new room and added the ramps around the house: he didn't even want to get paid for that. Kendra helped Mum for weeks when she came back from the hospital.” Ali sighed softly. “It was all too much for Mum: losing Dad, being paralysed waist down and wanting to take care of us, be closer to us but being unable to do it. It was too much.”

Leo nodded, memories getting to him as he remembered how his mother was just...off when she came back from the hospital. She had spent weeks in bed, barely speaking or eating.

He had been worried as a child, worried that his mum would go away and disappear just like his dad. Now, he knew that his mother had fallen in depression and that speaking to doctors, friends and then relying on her own strong-willed character helped her out of it.

Leo looked at his sister who was seemingly lost in thoughts and wondered what was happening. This was probably the first time that they openly talked about that time.

“Why are you telling me this now, Ali?” He asked, wondering if she was hiding something from him. Could their mother be ill? She seemed fine to him in these days, wonderfully happy to have the family at home. “What's going on?”

“Nothing is going on,” she reassured him with a smile. “Mum's fine: she works and takes care of Kirstin and Kyle whenever she can, spoiling them rotten.” Leo smiled despite himself as she mentioned her children. “I just realised that after Dad's death... we all started to shut our feelings away. We coped in different ways, grieved differently and yet... We feared to get closer to people, didn't allow anyone to really see us vulnerable. We didn't want to get too close and suffer again.”

Leo's eyes widened.

Wasn't this what he was doing right now? Not wanting to get closer to Jemma, not allowing himself to imagine them as a couple in the fear that if it didn't work the loss would be too large?

“ Alec and Heather tried to help me in every way when I got back to school,” Alison continued, probably ignoring his stunned expression. “Alec spent a lot of time at our house, helping his father and mother. We started studying together and spending time on our own. Heather would tease me for  _ hours _ , telling me that I was falling for him and I'd deny everything. I think Kyle bothered Alec in the same way...” Alison smiled fondly as she spoke about their best friends since school. Heather and Kyle (who Alec cared for as a brother and had named his son after) had married shortly after his sister and were her twins’ godparents.

Leo smiled slightly even though he was noticing too many similarities in Ali's tale.

“When we were fifteen, some idiot at school insulted me. I don't even remember why he started doing it but he badgered me for a while. I told him to go the hell away and leave me alone but he didn't and then he started to badmouth Mum and you...” Alison's eyes blazed for a moment and Leo gritted his teeth. He could imagine that his sister must have gone through her own share of teasing and cruel jokes by the hands of some morons because of her mother and her class-skipping-genius brother.

“I was going to turn and seriously fight him... I was angry, almost at a breaking point. I had tried my best to keep it up and be strong for Mum and you and Bryce's sake but... I was slowly crumbling. That idiot's words just grated on my nerves and I was probably going to end up in a lot of trouble... And then Alec dashed past me, stopping me from doing anything, and started arguing with the bloke. Then a teacher came along and the whole thing was dispersed without consequences. I was still trembling in anger, all of my feelings a mess and close to a breakdown. Alec noticed it because he walked me out to a quiet place on the school grounds and just allowed me to cry my eyes out.” Alison paused and Leo stared at her: he was finally getting a glimpse of his sister during those days while she feigned to be strong but was really just a teenage girl wanting to be weak.

She looked at him and her eyes softened slightly.

“I might have started to realise that I liked him then, when he allowed me to cry and just hugged me without saying anything,” She smiled wryly. “I didn't tell him though... He was one of my best friends: I was terrified that something could go wrong. So when he actually asked me out weeks later, rather than being elated, I just went mental thinking about all the ways things could go badly... and I refused. I knew I hurt him then: Alec didn't say a word and accepted it quite nicely but I knew I hurt him. We acted as though nothing happened but things were slightly...edgy.”

Leo swallowed dryly.

He remembered the first weeks at the Academy when he and Simmons lived in different rooms and couldn't manage to make eye contact or even accidentally touch each other without blushing or feeling uncomfortable.

All after their shared kiss.

It was a lot better now: they had fallen back into their old dynamics and their constant working together had made them even more seamless than before.

The discomfort would usually appear when someone teased them too blatantly... or when they were too close at times.

There were more unsaid things between them now...

“He started to come less often to our house -mainly to study- and we hung around less together. I... I honestly started to miss him and even though I hated myself for causing this rift, I didn't do anything to mend it. At some point, I heard a gossip in school that Alec was dating or seeing someone. I think that was the point when I realised just how stupid I had been and that... I’d lost him.”

Alison stared at Leo and he stared back, heart thumping in his chest.

Wasn't this the same situation he was finding himself in right now?

He didn't want to -didn't dare to- take that step forward in his relationship with Jemma and then Eisen had appeared. And even now that they had broken up, his ghost lingered, making Fitz understand that he could lose his best friend to the other man at any moment if he came back to her or if she went back to him.

How did Alison even know??

He had hadn't talked about Emily to anyone. Simmons was the only one that knew about her. He  _ never  _ spoke about his conflicted feelings towards Jemma... Then how...?

Ali smiled slightly.

“I'm just guessing here,” she said lightly. “You and Jemma are awfully easily to tease but you're also extremely hard to question. I've noticed, while we talked on Skype, that you tend to be extremely vague when I ask if you see other people. Jemma has been odd, rambled a bit while I asked something and you were vague in the past months so I assume that you've both been dating other people.” Leo blushed and his sister grinned. “Call it an elder sister's sixth sense.”

Alison ran a hand through Leo's curls, ruffling them slightly. He was too stunned to protest.

“I can't tell you what to do, Leo, but I can tell you my own experience,” she said softly. “We Fitz are sort of... emotionally compromised when it comes to close friendships and love. I made friends but didn't want to let anyone see the whole of my emotions, fears and doubts; Bryce transferred all of his pain into anger and tried to make friends, and found wrong ones. You... you bottled up your emotions and just shut everyone out, allowing me and Mum in every now and then...

It might have all been triggered after Dad's death but we just don't - _ can't seem  _ to let ourselves go. We always seem to find all the things that could go wrong and not the positive sides.”

Leo swallowed dryly, feeling something weigh on his chest but Alison smiled and he looked at her questioningly.

“Somehow, though, we managed to find some very tenacious people who like us despite our stubborn selves,” she said with a grin. “And who don't give up on us...even when we seem to give up on ourselves.”

Alison's fingertips lingered on the crown of his head, teasing his curls. Leo felt the motion soothing as much as he did when he was a child.

“Alec didn't give up on me,” his sister continued. “He came back to me a few weeks after I pushed him away and just asked again, as though nothing had happened. I must have looked astonished or incredulous because he told me that he wouldn't stop trying until I gave him the chance to prove me wrong; he knew that I was scared, he knew my fears and he wanted to chase them away.

Do you know what Alec told me to convince me?” Leo shook his head. “He said that we've known each other for so long, we've been friends and care for each other. Why do you think that we'll hurt each other if we became more than friends?” Alison smiled, eyes taking a soft look that appeared only when she spoke of Alec. “He made it seem as though whatever path we chose together, even if there were problems, we'd face them together and get through them all. I was still terrified but I went out with him…

He didn’t let me go….and still doesn’t. Well… and here we are: married with two kids.” Leo smiled and his sister mirrored him. “Bryce and Leslie went through a similar situation too. Our brother is stubborn as hell..but Leslie is tenacious. You wouldn't say it seeing her, would you?” Leo shook his head; he hadn’t spoken much to his new sister in law but from what he could say, she was a strong, intelligent and an overly nice person.

What she saw in his brother was beyond him...

“ As for  _ you _ ...”

“Alison...” Leo frowned slightly at his sister's grin, knowing what she was going to say.

“ Oh...I don't mean to say anything...” Alison said, looking a little too innocent for Leo's tastes. “Just because Bryce and I married  _ our  _ tenacious person, doesn't mean you have to as well.”

Leo tried with his best efforts to keep Simmons out of his mind. The last thing he needed now was to shamble his brain with an image of her in a wedding dress...

With him in the picture too.

“I'm just saying that she cares. A lot. She's the one that took a train for hours just to come here and knock some sense in your head after you decided that you wanted to stay here and not go to that specialised school in America,”

Leo tried not to nod in agreement as his thoughts went back to that moment: Jemma had literally hopped on a train and come to Glasgow without giving any explanation to her parents. Then they both appeared at her house the day after with Leo carrying his suitcase after having spent the night travelling to Sheffield by train. He never really stopped to think of what her parents had thought about all of that...

“And she's the one that decided to spend her holidays with you, as she has always done for years, and not with her parents in France.”

Alison's knowing smile made Leo blush and he took a step back away from her and looked away to allow his face to cool down.

The Simmons' had been invited to spend Christmas and New Year in Lyon with Jemma's aunt and her family. The invitation had included Jemma herself but she refused, explaining that she had to be in America by the twenty-ninth and couldn't stay for the whole length of her parents' stay.

They had stayed at her house in Sheffield for a few days before her parents' departure and then came to Glasgow by train.

He knew that she missed being with her parents and would have loved spending Christmas with her entire family...and yet she came with him and spent the holidays with his family.

Leo tried not to think about what that meant...

He looked at his sister and found Alison staring at him with a knowing look. She ran a hand through his hair again and leaned forward until their heads touched.

“I know that it is frightening,” she whispered. “You feel as though everything could crumble to dust if you make a mistake. But be brave, Leo. You'll understand your feelings...”

“Yeah?” He asked despite himself, feeling every little bit vulnerable.

“Yeah,” Alison confirmed. “Don't give up... I'm sure she's worth it.”

Leo didn't reply and just swallowed dryly again.

Alison smiled, ruffling his hair and then looked behind him, grinning.

“There you are!” She exclaimed, stepping away from her brother. “I thought you got lost somewhere, Jemma.”

Leo turned around and saw Simmons standing near a rack of shirts.

“No, I just saw a few things,” she replied, absently. Her eyes found his and lingered. Leo could clearly see the silent question in them along with concern.

She must have seen him and Alison talking closely before...

She approached him while Alison murmured that she'd be in line to pay for Leo's clothes and walked over to the cashier.

“Is everything alright?” Simmons asked softly, looking up at him.

Leo looked at her and smiled.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Alison was just being... overly affectionate and sisterly.”

She stared at him for a moment: she probably didn't believe him entirely, he could say by the way she arched a brow at him but had decided to let it go.

“Right...” she said, smiling slightly.

 

Yeah...she definitely didn't believe him.

 

“Where did you go?” He asked and noticed that she was clutching two small hangers behind her back. One good look at the clothes and he grinned. “Oh.”

“I just thought that Kirstin and Kyle would look really cute in these,” she admitted, grinning back as she showed him the red and blue pyjamas with all sorts of animal footprints printed on them.

“Wait till Alison sees them...”

“You'll distract her while I go and pay for these, yeah?.”

“Will you do the same when I go to the toy store?”

“Deal.”

Both shared a grin and walked over to Alison.

 

-

 

“You do realise that you are a serious menace to our parenthood experience, right?”

  
  


Alison grumbled as they got out of the car and through the front gate, carrying bags after their shopping trip. She shot a dark look at Leo and Jemma.

“We didn't get them anything for Christmas,” he said, swaying the bag that he carried: he had brought a box of soft building blocks for Kyle and a large-pieced puzzle for Kirstin. He was sure that they'd like them.

“We didn't have time to buy them anything,” Jemma added, holding the smaller bag. “We were too busy with work.”

“Seriously?” Alison looked at them in bewilderment. “You got them those two storybooks and two colouring books. They will be happy and busy for days with them.” She deadpanned them. “I swear... Once you have kids, I'll spoil them rotten and you'll have to endure weeks of 'Auntie Alison is wonderful and buys me lots of presents'.”

Leo felt a blush invade his face as he connected the word kids with him and Simmons but decided not to linger on the statement. Ali was just being... generic, right?

He was looking into this too much.

He glanced at his partner and saw that her cheeks had taken a pinkish hue that he was sure wasn't due to the cold.

Muttering to herself, Alison walked through the light snow and opened the front door. They had barely made inside when they heard a quick pitter-patter of footsteps and two little, jacket bundled blurs launched themselves against Ali’s legs.

“Mummy!” “You’re back!!”

Alison swayed slightly, pulling the bags high up, almost at her height and laughed, all moodiness gone. She dropped the bags on the couch and crouched down, brushing a kiss on her children's heads.

A warm smile quirked his lips as he saw the undiluted love on his sister's face when she looked at the little boy and girl in front of her. His mum was by the kitchen door, looking at the scene with an equally adoring look.

“Did you behave with Grandma?” Ali asked, cupping one of their cheeks with her hands and stroking softly with her thumbs.

“Yes, Mummy,” Kirstin replied brightly. Kyle nodded in earnest next to her.

“Grandma gave us cake,” he said gleefully and then quickly added. “But we ate a small piece so we'll eat dinner.” He looked quite proud of himself.

Alison grinned and looked up at their mother who smiled.

“Now that's my good boy and girl,” she stated and the children beamed.

Fitz turned to Simmons and they shared a smile. He glanced at the toys in the bags he was carrying and arched a brow at her.

She understood his silent query and shook her head.

“Later,” she mouthed and put the bags on the couch and he followed suit.

The children looked up when they moved and stopped telling their mum about their adventures at home with their grandmother. Moving as one, the twins bustled towards him.

“Uncle Leo,” Kyle said, reaching up to tug on his coat. “Will you come out and play with us?”

“Yes, Uncle Leo,” Kirstin added. “You promised to make a snow house.”

Leo crouched down and grinned at the hopeful faces looking at him.

From the moment Alison and Alec had announced that they were going to be parents, he had been elated for them and keen to see and meet his new family members.

But he had never expected to feel the deep emotion in his chest when he first held his niece and nephew; he didn't think that he'd love them so quickly.

He didn't get to see them often but Kirstin and Kyle cared for him with genuine affection too. It made him feel happy in a way that was almost new to him.

“Of course,” he replied. “We'll build a fort, yeah? So no one can beat you when you throw snow balls.”

“Yes!” the twins said in unison, throwing their mittened hands up in the air and making the three women in the room laugh.

“Come on then,” Leo said, standing up. “You're ready to go out in the snow?” He had already noticed that his mother had bundled them up against the cold.

The twins nodded eagerly. Kirstin then turned to Simmons and tugged her by her coat.

“You're coming with us too, right Auntie Jemma?” She asked.

“Please,” Kyle added.

Simmons smiled softly at the two children.

“Of course,” she replied. “I'll help Uncle Leo build your fort.” She grinned at Fitz and he mirrored her expression.

“Yes and please, don't make him build something that Alec and I can't replicate,” Alison remarked, crouching down again to tighten the jackets, scarves and hats on her children. “Otherwise, we'll end up with another 'Drawing situation'”

Leo snorted.

Since they got to Glasgow a few days before Christmas Eve, he and Simmons had spent most of their time with the twins while Alison, Alec and his mother were at work.

The children had asked them to draw some things so that they could colour them and they had obliged. Years of blueprints had given him a steady hand and he could easily draw vehicles and other objects. And if he tried, he could replicate another drawing or painting.

Simmons used to draw too: he had seen hundreds of little pencil pictures of samples and biological elements on her notes. She was pretty good at drawing flowers and animals.

They ended up handing dozens of papers to the twins who joyfully coloured them. However, when their parents were back home, Kirstin and Kyle had showed them their pencil coloured masterpieces and had innocently asked them to draw them more things when he and Simmons would leave.

The panicked look that crossed Alison and Alec's face almost made Leo choke with laughter but he had pity of them. He and Simmons spent a night in his room, filling up a sketchbook with pictures of cars, planes, ships, flowers and animals to give them.

He heard Simmons laugh softly beside him and he grinned.

“Don't worry,” she said, looking at him. “I'll make sure that he doesn't build anything too elaborate...”

“Let's go!” The twins took hold of him and Simmons' hands and dragged them outside.

 

-

Leo landed on a soft carpet of snow under the big oak tree in his house's backyard as he was tackled to the ground by Kyle, Kirstin and a large ball of snow.

“Ooof, I surrender, I surrender,” he choked out, laughing. “You win.”

He heard two gleeful cheers and sat up as the twins grinned at him. He could clearly see Simmons standing a little behind them, barely hiding a grin and very snow-free, unlike him.

After building the snow fort, the twins started throwing snowballs at each other and then -out of the blue- they allied with Simmons and started pelting Fitz.

“Alright,” he said, wiping some snow off his face. “Why are you only attacking me and not her?” He pointed at Simmons.

The twins turned to look at his partner and then turned around shaking their heads.

“Daddy said that boys shouldn't fight girls,” Kyle answered with a matter of fact tone. Leo didn't know whether to laugh or be proud: he really had to tell this to Alec...

“And Auntie Jemma said that if we won, you'll give us a present,” Kirstin added with a beam.

“ Oh...  _ Did she _ ?” He looked at his partner with an arched brow. She looked away, hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter. “So she told you that and you attacked me?”

The twins nodded and Leo mock sighed.

“Ah I knew it,” he said sadly. “You like her more than me.”

He meant it as a tease but when he saw the appalled, wide-eyed look that appeared on the twins' faces, he rushed to correct himself immediately.

“I was jok-” Two tiny sets of arms wound up tight against his neck, knocking the air out of him.

“ Nooo, we like you, Uncle Leo!” they exclaimed together.“Very, very, very,  _ very  _ much.”

Leo laughed, ignoring the lump in his throat at the evident love the children were showing him. He wrapped his arms around them, hands resting on the back of their heads.

They were so small...

He barely remembered how he had been at their age but he knew that he was loved by his parents -both at the time- and his brother and sister.

Christmas meant family and games, presents and fun... Kirstin and Kyle would always have that: he was sure that Alec and Alison would never give them anything less.

And so would he...

“I know, I know,” he conceded, ruffling their sandy brown hair. “I was only teasing. You know what? I have an idea.”

Two sets of green eyes settled on his with curiosity.

“Why don't you build two snowmen in front of the fort? To guard it? Then ask Mum if she likes them,” He grinned as the twins nodded again. It had been an old game of theirs when they he was younger: he, Alison and Bryce would build a snowman and their parents would judge them and give the best one a price. They had stopped that old tradition shortly after his dad died and despite Alison's best attempts to keep it going; it might be time to restore it... “Then, me and Auntie Jemma will give you a present.”

“Yeah! You're the best, Uncle Leo!” The twins cheered and sped past Simmons, informing her of their task and set to work. Fitz looked at the kids fondly and then up at his partner who had approached him.

She was looking at him oddly. It was a soft look, mixed with some emotion that he couldn't define, a look that she'd given him often lately.

He tilted his head to a side, silently asking what was wrong and she shook her head, eyes clearing up instantly and smiled, sitting down on the snow next to him, under the shade of the tree.

His eyes didn't leave her and she stared back.

“What?” She asked.

“You're pensive,” he replied, and shook his head after running a hand through his hair to get rid of the snow.

“ _ Fitz! _ ”  Simmons was showered by icy droplets and tried to shield herself with her hands. He grinned when he saw the ice bits in her hair as well and she glared at him. “You're terrible.”

“You're the one to talk... You bribed two three years old with the promise of a gift.”

She rolled her eye

“And you guilted them to make them hug you,” Simmons retorted. He sputtered.

“I did not!”

“You did,” She smirked at him. “You were jealous that they didn't pelt me with snow.”

“I'm still the best uncle,” he scoffed, ignoring her last statement. “You try keeping your favourite aunt position...”

Simmons looked at him and then shook her head, smiling softly.

“What?” He asked. She glanced at him.

“I just thought that I... I never really imagined that I'd be someone's aunt,” she said. “My two cousins are younger than me and I don't have siblings... I'd never thought I'd be called like that...”

He blinked at the soft yearning behind her voice. She had always wanted a brother or sister: she had told him more than once when they were younger.

“Oh well, we worked that out, didn't we?” He stated, stretching his legs in front of him. “Alec and Alison pretty much adopted you from the moment they met you and the twins... Well, they decided you were their aunt and that's that.”

“Yeah,” she laughed and he smiled as he saw the fond look on her face. When Kirstin and Kyle had first called her Auntie Jemma during a conversation on Skype, he saw the way she had blushed in embarrassment and flattery.

He was glad that she was so close to his family. He was glad that she cared as much as they did.

Although it didn't help his emotions. Everything just got more and more confusing…

They sat in silence for a while, watching the twins as they built their snowmen. Leo started to slowly brush snow off his clothes. He soon realised that he was pretty much drenched: a shower was the only solution here.

“Are you alright?”

Fitz turned to his side and found Simmons staring at him, chin resting on her drawn knees. She was smiling uncertainly and her eyes had a soft look that made his heart flip awkwardly in his chest.

“ W-what?” He managed to say without tripping on his words. She honestly shouldn't be affecting him this much; bloody hell, he  _ should  _ know better after all these years...

“You've been odd in these days: withdrawn and absent in more than one moment... It's not just your brother being here,” She looked at him, wry smile on her face. He knew that she was thinking about his little moment with Alison at the shopping centre. “If there's something wrong-”

“Nothing is wrong,” he replied immediately.

“-you'd tell me, yeah?” She finished, ignoring his interjection. She bit her lip. “If you don't want to go to the Sci-Ops party-”

“No, it's fine,” he said. When she looked at him with a disbelieving stare, he quickly added, “Really, Simmons. It's alright. Ali just wanted to talk a bit... We never really had a chance to do that in a while...” The fact that they talked about her and his not-so-hidden-feelings, was irrelevant.

She stared at him and he knew that she wouldn't ask about their talk: she respected his privacy and wouldn't pry unless he said something about it.

However, he could see the concern in her eyes and felt the need to explain himself.

“We talked a bit about me not telling her everything during school, about confiding in Alec,” he said. “She was pretty angry at me for that: we had to... talk.”

Simmons nodded.

“And you're sure about this party?” She asked. “You know that I want to go because-”

“-you think that we should go to social events that involve most of our co-workers. I know.”

“Yes... but I don't want you to be uneasy.”

Leo glanced at her.

He didn't like parties because there usually was chaotic music, lots of people that he didn't know and very little entertainment.

The fact that he was going with Simmons was the only highlight.

But, yes, he was uneasy.

He was uneasy because he feared that she was going there to meet Eisen. Or maybe get a chance to see him. Talk to him.

Get back together.

Fitz knew that he had some very poorly justified fears. Simmons hadn't shown any sort of obvious interest towards Eisen after their breakup besides friendship.

 

But his heart was confused...and scared.

 

Sighing softly, Leo tried to unscramble his thoughts and turned to her, smiling slightly. There was no way that he would allow her to know his fears and worry for him.

“I won't be uneasy,” he reassured her. “Parties are not my favourite thing, yes, but I'll manage.” He smiled at her doubtful face. “Really, Simmons: don't worry.”

“If you say so...”

A light breeze swept over them and Fitz looked up to the sky: it was probably going to snow again.

“What about you?” He asked, after another quiet moment. “Are you alright?”

“What?” Simmons looked confused. “Why do you ask?”

“It's the first Christmas in years that you're not with your parents; the first one since our freshmen year at MIT,” He looked at her and smiled. “I know you miss them and you know that I wouldn't have minded if you wanted to spend the holidays with them and the rest of your family in France. You rarely get to see them.”

She looked at him searchingly again and then shook her head.

“I'd rather be here,” she said simply. “I don't even remember the last time I've spoken to my aunt or my cousins. We used to be close when we were children but we've sort of drifted away after they left for France and I went to America.” Her eyes flitted up to his, delicate shade of amber looking at him softly. “Besides, I like staying with your family.”

Leo blinked. Twice.

And then ignored the way his heart thumped in his chest for her words and stare.

“Oh-well, good to know,” he said with a smile, smiling at her as he scratched the back of his neck: he was pleased and embarrassed and giddy altogether. “They like having you around too; especially Ali. She's probably glad that another girl came by to help her tolerate her brothers and Alec.”

Simmons laughed softly and nudged his shoulder.

“ Well, then,  _ you  _ should be glad that my family likes having you around,” she remarked with a grin. “Dad in particular, desperately wanted another man around the house: he's had me, Mum and Gran around for too long. And let's not mention how Gran adores you.”

Fitz grinned. Grandmother Simmons had taken a shine to him from their first meeting and Leo liked being coddled by her: it was like having a surrogate grandparent.

He was going to speak when he heard a dull thud and the sound of rustling from above them. Fitz looked up just in time to see a large lump of snow fall down from the branches above his head.

Without even stopping to think, he reached over to shield Simmons, hand behind her head and bringing her closer to his chest. He heard her surprised squeak as they were showered by a -thankfully soft- cold cloud of snow.

“Bloody-” Leo cursed under his breath and moved away from Simmons. He sensed her lavender shampoo despite the clean icy scent invading his nose and ignored the feelings coiling in his gut. “Are you alright?”

She looked at him and his lips twitched upwards: she was covered in white, snow in her hair and clothes. He realised that he was probably in the same condition.

Simmons laughed, shaking her head slightly and spraying snow around her and on him.

“Hey!” He protested, closing his eyes as icy droplets hit his face but he couldn't help but grin as he heard her laugh again, the sound bubbling out of her.

He had long learned that her smile and laugh could make his day and change his mood.

 

“ _ Seriously? _ I thought that I'd find my three years old kids messing around in the snow. Not you, twenty-three year olds...”

 

Leo turned around and saw Alec grinning at them as he leaned against the tree's trunk. His brother-in-law looked awfully chipper.

“You did this,” he said, eyes narrowing. The branches were full of snow and a careful hit could have sent enough tremors to allow a miniature avalanche like that...

“You have no proof,” Alec drawled and walked away from them. “At the moment, I just see two grown-up kids smothered in snow.”

Fitz turned to Simmons and found her glaring at Alec before turning to look at him. They shared a look and words weren't necessary.

“Alec?” She called and he turned around just to get a face full of snow, courtesy of Leo.

The snowball fight that started shortly after and that included two very happy Kirstin and Kyle lasted half the afternoon.

When they all got back into the house, sopping wet but grinning, Alison scolded Alec and Leo and looked at Jemma in bewilderment. As she ushered her children out the door to get them (and Alec) to their house to have a hot bath and change into  dry clothes, Leo heard her mutter about being mother of two, having married a child and earned two other kids before calling out for their mum, saying that they'd be back for dinner.

FitzSimmons shared a glance and laughed.

 

-

 

Fitz walked downstairs feeling warm again after a good shower. He had allowed Simmons to go first when he saw her shivering.

It would be dinner time in a bit and he found most of the family gathered in the living room; his mum, he noticed, was still tinkering in the kitchen.

He immediately felt his good mood dampen when he saw Bryce sitting on the couch with Leslie nearby. His brother and wife were staying here in their childhood home but were out for most of day, visiting old friends; Leo was glad that he didn't have to deal with Bryce all the time...

Kirstin and Kyle were on the floor, playing with their new toys; puzzle pieces and building blocks were scattered on the rug in front of the fireplace. Alison and Alec were sitting on the armchairs near them, looking down at their children with a soft expression that made Leo smile.

His smile turned softer when he saw Jemma sitting on the floor near the twins, leaning against a side of Alec's armchair and occasionally helping Kirstin with the puzzle.

There was an intimacy in that scene, of her being so comfortable with his family, that made his heart lurch in his chest and filled him with an odd tender longing.

Fitz realised that he had walked into the room while the others were having some sort of discussion: he noticed the frown on Bryce's face, the embarrassed look on Leslie's features and the bright blush on Simmons' cheeks while Alec was smiling.

The smile turned into a grin when Leo approached them and sat on a chair nearby.

Alison noticing her husband's look, rolled her eyes and shot a frustrated glance at her brother that clearly said  _ 'Don't ask _ .'

“ Alright,” Ali said, getting down on her knees. “Let's work this out since someone's so  _ annoyed  _ about it.” She turned to look at Bryce who frowned again as she rolled her eyes. Leo didn't have a clue of what was going on but Alec's lips were quirking upwards again.

“Kirstin, Kyle,” she said, getting the twins' attention. “Remember when Daddy and I explained you you how to call people that are older than you?”

The children nodded.

“Mister and Missus,” they said.

“Alright...” She pointed at Leo. “How do you call him?”

Kirstin and Kyle stared at their mother as though she'd just gone mental.

“Uncle Leo!” They answered together.

“Why do you call him uncle?”

“Because... he's Uncle Leo,” Kyle replied with his matter of fact tone. Alec choked, stifling a laugh and Leo had to hide a grin when Ali glared at them. Kyle definitely got that from Alec...

“Because he's your brother, Mummy,” Kirstin said. Leo grinned and thanked the stars for the women in his family: they definitely saved the men from embarrassing themselves.

“Exactly,” Ali said with a smile. “And same goes for-” She pointed at Bryce.

“Uncle Bryce!” The twins said together and Bryce smiled slightly. The twins had forgotten their toys and were fully concentrated on Alison: they probably thought that their mum was pulling out a new game for them.

“Right... What about Daddy's brother?”

“Uncle Colin,” Colin had come over to visit a couple of days ago: he was graduating in mechanical engineering and Leo was thinking to give his name to TechData, the company where he'd done an apprenticeship during MIT.

“And his sisters?”

“Auntie Elise and Auntie Grace,” Alec's younger sister were both at Uni in Glasgow: one studying Economics and the other Literature; Leo had never had talked to them as much as he talked to Colin but they were always friendly.

“Good,” Ali smiled. “Now...I also told you that you can call Uncle or Auntie someone that's not Mummy or Daddy's brother or sister, yeah? Like Auntie Heather and Uncle Kyle?”

The twins nodded as she mentioned her and Alec's best friends. Leo was finally getting a grasp of where the whole discussion was going.

“Now... How do you call her?” She pointed at Simmons.

“Auntie Jemma!” The children enthusiast tone made Leo smile. He noticed the fond smile on Simmons' face as well.

“Alright... and her?” She pointed over to Leslie.

“Mrs. Leslie,” Alison sighed as they said this and shot a glance at Bryce who frowned again. Leslie looked slightly embarrassed but smiled and put a hand on his shoulder, murmuring something but he shook his head.

Alec was fighting against his quirking lips and Leo couldn't help but relate to his hilarity and he snorted. The look on his brother's face made him want to laugh out loud but he was restraining himself for the sake of Leslie (whom he liked despite knowing her so little) and Simmons who looked mortified.

“No, you get to call her Auntie Leslie,” Alison explained.

Kirstin and Kyle shared a glance, almost trying to figure out what their mum was saying.

“But... we don't know her.” “We just met her.”

The retorts came out in a confused tone and Leo could understand why the whole ordeal wasn't making any sense to the children.

“I know, loves,” Alison said slowly. “But Leslie is married to Uncle Bryce: she's his wife. So she's your new auntie.” Seeing the look the twins had on the faces, she quickly added. “Let's say that Leslie has become my new sister, yeah? So, you can call her auntie.”

His sister looked at the dark haired woman behind her and smiled; Leslie smiled broadly, nodding slightly. Leo realised that the two must have often talked and started to be friends despite living in two different cities.

The twins seemed to be mulling over their mother's words but didn't look thoroughly convinced. As on cue, they turned to look at Simmons who blinked in surprise.

“So Auntie Jemma is your new sister too?” Kyle asked.

“-Er- well...” Alison was suddenly speechless and Alec snorted, earning a glare from her. “Well, she's Uncle Leo's friend and we've known her for a long time so... yeah, she's like a sister by now.”

Ali shot a grin at Jemma who smiled back, looking very touched. Leo smiled at their interaction, ignoring the little twinge in his heart at the thought of Simmons actually becoming Alison's new sister: the thought had appeared as a faint image in his head whenever he saw Simmons interact with his family.

“We've known her since she was a little girl,” Alec said, ruffling Simmons' hair in an affectionate manner and she looked up at him, wrinkling her nose but smiling.

“You can call Jemma, Auntie even though she's Uncle Leo's friend,”Ali said. “But you have to call Leslie, Auntie because she's Uncle Bryce's wife.”

Kirstin looked at Simmons and then at him with her head tilted to a side. Blinking, Fitz glanced at his partner who looked just as confused as he was.

Alison noticed her daughter’s actions and chuckled softly, guessing her thoughts

“No, sweetheart,” she said, barely hiding the laughter in her tone. “Auntie Jemma is not Uncle Leo's wife.”

That did it for Alec who snorted loudly before giving in to loud laughter. Leo felt his face burn and was sure that it matched the brilliant shade of red of Simmons' face.

But it was Alison's tone and not her words that flustered him: the hidden and barely there  _ 'yet'  _ at the end of her sentence that sent his mind and heart in a messy jumble.

  
  


_ Oh Hell... _

 

-

 

Later that night, Leo was sitting on the couch, rifling through an old magazine while his thoughts sped in his mind.

They were leaving for Boston tomorrow afternoon and he'll spend half of his birthday with his family before going to the airport. His thoughts lingered on the faces of the twins who had gone a bit teary when they learned that he and Simmons would be leaving the next day.

They had both been tackle hugged and managed to disentangle their small arms from their necks only after promising that they'd visit soon.

However, Leo didn't know how soon that would be...

These two weeks of holiday had been given to them after months of working non-stop; their last vacation had been the previous Christmas and it was only for five days.

Fitz was proud to be so appreciated by SHIELD and that his work with Simmons was fundamental in many missions but he'd also like to leave every now and then.

He could see his mother, sister and brother in law more often, spend time with his niece and nephew...

 

He wondered if he wasn't wanting too much.

 

SHIELD had given him the possibility to work in a modern and fully equipped lab along with Simmons. They created devices and prototypes together that might have been silly dreams in any other lab.

He got to spend his days and free hours at their apartment in Boston, being together if neither were occupied with someone else. There had been countless nights where they talked during meals or on the couch in their living room where they usually watched films and tv shows. Or they just read in silence or stayed out in the terrace, watching the view of the harbour by night.

It was similar to their days at MIT and yet so different.

 

He should be grateful for what he had.

 

He heard approaching footsteps and looked up to see Simmons smiling at him. He smiled back as she sat next to him, curling her legs beneath her.

“Packed already?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yes, I don't want to waste time tomorrow morning. You packed pretty quickly...”

“Yeah...” He didn't want to confess that he'd messily stuffed his suitcase but her knowing look made him realise that she probably knew...

They stayed for a few moments, watching the fireplace and the shadows created in the orange light.

“What's on your mind?” Simmons asked after a bit, turning in the couch so that she would be facing him. He tilted his head towards her.

“Nothing much...” he said. “Just wondering what will await us once we're back at the lab.”

“ Besides a few inches worth of paper work?” She asked, scrunching her nose a bit. “I suppose another few reports of missions and requests of help on  _ other  _ assignments.”

Fitz groaned slightly, running a hand through his hair.

“Good thing that we're in vacation until the fourth,” he mused. “I'd rather not think of working constantly until... who-knows-how-long.”

Simmons giggled softly.

“It's our fault really,” she said teasingly. “We work too well. We've got SHIELD used to having FitzSimmons solve anything they throw at us.”

He grinned at her and nodded.

There were rumours of them being promoted again: becoming Level 4 agents would mean granting access to more classified information and being involved in higher level assignments.

“Imagine how much more we could do if we become Level 4,” she added and he smiled at her. Of course, she'd be thinking the same as him.

“More elaborate devices...” he said.

“More interesting assignments... Maybe even something extraterrestrial!” He grinned at her enthusiasm. “We might truly create something that could save lives...”

She looked at him with wide eyes, amber flecked with the orange reflection of the fire; her features were enveloped in a soft glow that made her look so...

Beautiful wasn't even _enough_ to describe her.

He felt the sudden urge to move forward and bring her closer to him; he imagined tangling his fingers in her honey coloured hair, melding their lips together...

He wanted to get closer...and yet forced himself to not move at all.

Something must have transpired on his face because she looked at him searchingly again before arching a brow in query. He shook his head, smiling slightly.

They stayed in silence for another bit and Fitz felt tiredness seeping deep in his bones as he got used to the warmth coming from the fireplace. He closed his eyes, promising himself that it was only for a few minutes but he slowly felt sleep taking over.

Some time after, he felt something warm curl against his side, felt a light weight on his shoulder and it was the sudden waft of lavender that made him surely identify Simmons and realise that she was falling asleep next to him.

“We should go up,” he whispered drowsily, wanting to open his eyes and move but not willing his body to do so.

“Hmm,” she hummed sleepily. “It's warm here.”

“Hmm...” She had a valid point.

A distant chime echoed a little while later, making its way into his sleepy and barely aware mind: it was midnight. He was trying to decide whether to stand up or just sleep there, when he felt Simmons move beside him, fingers curling softly on his bicep.

“Fitz?” He turned to her, peeling his eyes open. The sight of her sleepy smile and soft look made him wake up slightly, heart thumping in his chest.

“Happy Birthday,” she whispered and leant forward, brushing a soft kiss on his jaw.

He wondered how she couldn't hear his heart beating loudly in his chest. And he was immensely glad that despite common belief, she couldn't read his mind because all of his brain power was telling him to lean down and kiss her.

He couldn't do that without ruining them...

Leo smiled, ignoring his head and heart.

“Thank you,” he said and she smiled back, an unknown emotion quickly flickering in her eyes before he could identify it.

They didn't move but just stayed there on the couch, cuddled against each other before slowly drifting asleep.

Leo felt her hands tightening against his arm and felt his resolve grow stronger.

 

He'll live with what he had with her as long as he could.

He wouldn't ruin...them.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -HEAD CANON SERIES-
> 
> So... This chapter is very heavily linked to the last chapter of Tis the Season to Be Jolly, the part of 25 years old. For those who haven't read it, here's a short explanation of that section:
> 
> (Keep in mind that I wrote it shortly after 'The Bridge' so it's completely off canon -though I did get something right...)
> 
> The Team is ordered to station at the HUB after they saved Coulson from Centipede and while they're there, they are sent off to missions on their own. They accept the order begrudgingly but they accept it because the whole Team wants to prove that they are Coulson's elite agents and that even apart, they know how to work. After all, it was just for two weeks...
> 
> The Prompt was #49. Lock.
> 
> Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this.

_ -25 years old- (same time as Tis the Season) _

  
  


_ 'Landing in 5.' _

 

Fitz moved the DWARFs case closer to him, going through the list of devices that he had slipped into the case, along with the Night-Night gun, in his mind.

He was starting to feel nervousness lace his veins at the thought of going to the HUB.

Last time, he and Ward had been sent to Ossetia for a suicidal mission. This time, the whole Team was going to be stationed there or sent to do assignments on their own.

“ We're almost there: we should go and strap up.”  H e looked up as Jemma spoke. Her voice was bright as usual but her amber eyes were filled with nervousness; she was clutching her bag's strap hard, knuckles almost white

Leo realised that she was probably nervous as much as he was. Maybe even more.

She and Skye had been alone at the HUB, trying to get information about their mission and finding a way to come and save him and Ward. Jemma had confronted Agent Sitwell, Level 8 operative, and had used the Night-Night gun on him... as unbelievable as it could sound.

They had been apart during that mission and yet she had managed to help him.

The least he could do was help her calm down and do all that he could if she needed assistance during any assignment she was given while they were at the HUB.

Separated or not, he wouldn't leave her alone.

He put his case beneath his work bench, securing it for the landing and nodded at her. They silently walked out of the lab and sat on the seats of the cargo bay, strapping on the belts.

He watched her as she hooked the belt and latched onto the straps, nimble fingers curling around the rough material. She still had a nervous look.

“We could go to the Tech Corridor if we're not sent off immediately,” he said suddenly, making her turn to him. “It might be nice to get some work done in a more spacious lab for once.”

“I wouldn't mind using the Chem Kit,” she admitted, smiling slightly. “Or running a molecular breakdown of that new neurotoxin I'm working on.”

He grinned as he saw her eyes clear again and she looked at him softly. She must have imagined what he was attempting to do and he blushed slightly, looking away and unable to keep eye contact.

He had been fighting his feelings for years, carefully keeping them wrapped up in his heart because he didn't want to ruin their friendship and partnership. He had almost messed them up when he had kissed her after Uni and they had slowly returned to their easy relationship, only occasionally falling into some edginess or awkwardness.

But then the Chitauri incident occurred... and everything went to shambles again.

He was distracted from his train of thought as Skye and Ward appeared, both carrying backpacks (or laptop bag in Skye's case) and strapped to the seats. The specialist and the hacker didn't look any happier than they were an hour ago: Skye had vented all her frustration about Agent Hand and HQ while Ward had given her(them all actually) a solid speech about the reason the Team had to just shut up and obey HQ's rules.

The thought of the Team being dismantled, of him and Jemma being  _ separated _ , made something freeze in his chest.

None of them talked as the Bus landed, the dull thud of the wheels hitting the ground making them bounce in their seats. They were barely out of their seats when the cargo ramp was lowered.

Leo looked at the light streaming inside the cargo bay and was inadvertently thrown back to another moment...

 

Sirens wailing, wind roaring, a blue sky and... Jemma standing at the edge of the ramp, looking at him with a tearful expression and an apologetic smile.

 

“Fitz?”

He turned around, forcibly pulling himself out of his thoughts and found Jemma staring at him, looking concerned.

“It's nothing,” he replied to her silent question and walked into the lab to pick up his equipment. She followed him and picked her bag and he could feel her eyes on him and he looked at her. “Really, Jemma, it's alright.” He smiled slightly, trying to reassure her.

He couldn't bring himself to show her his fears. The Chitauri episode had shattered him more than he made it seem.

She could have died. Jemma Simmons could have  _ died  _ right in front of him and disappeared from his life.

And he would have been left behind. Alone.

His confused feelings had returned back to him with full strength and he had been forced to admit that there was no mistake there.

It wasn't a crush that lasted for years.

 

His feelings for her were  _ much  _ deeper.

 

But he didn't allow himself to tell her. Not after the incident where he failed to stop her from jumping or rescued her as Ward did.

There were hundreds of what-ifs going through his mind. Nightmares had plagued his sleep for weeks as he imagined the worst scenarios: Jemma floating in front of him after the jump, Jemma dying from the electrostatic pulse before he could reach her after he dived with the parachute... Jemma dying in his arms after he reached her.

How could he confess or even try to tell her about his feelings if he didn't feel like he was... enough for her?

She had told him that he was the hero, not Ward. Him.

And yet he didn't feel like a hero.

He only indulged in one thing and had started calling her Jemma again

He decided that he could allow himself that little bit of comfort. If he got any closer to her, he’d just rattle his already fragile heart.

However,  he did notice that she seemed to be more...aware of him. He could feel her gaze while they worked in the lab (and it required his full mind power to keep concentrated and not mess his devices) and she was also slightly more affectionate and closer to him.

It felt a bit like the time when they were at MIT...

But the awkwardness would spring up every now and then… He recalled how only a few hours ago her hand on his neck as she assessed the tightness in his muscles after his complaints of being sore, had made a shiver run down his spine and a blush spread on both their faces.

  
  


It was like taking one step forward and one backward at the same time.

  
  


Jemma looked at him and bit her lip, clearly wanting to say something but opting not to do so. She smiled wryly and waited for him by the lab’s door.

They were all waiting in the bay when Coulson and May came down and once the ramp was lowered, they were greeted by the sight of the HUB.

 

-

 

Jemma was the first to leave.

Leo had barely the time to see the lines of agents coming in and out of the building when he heard Coulson call her: he had been speaking with a group of higher level agents as soon as they got down.

It seemed that she was going back to the Sahara immediately. The Team had gone there to verify and analyze a particular 0-8-4 that had turned a portion of the desert into a rich forest, stealing nutrients from nearby oases. The device had left some residues that had to be tested before SHIELD could consider using it and her knowledge in biochemistry was needed along with the fact that she had already seen the device.

Jemma masked her uneasiness and nodded to Coulson before turning to her teammates to bid them goodbye.

It was odd. They'd been used to go on assignments together, all of them, and to see one leave while the others stayed just felt wrong.

Jemma smiled as she looked at him.

“See you soon, yeah?” She said softly, picking up her bag.

“Yeah,” he replied, ignoring the little twist in his chest as she smiled again and walked towards another plane with May. If May was there, he really didn't have to worry about Jemma's safety but it didn't completely soothe his nerves.

Skye and Ward approached Coulson while he stayed there and watched the other plane. At some point, he caught a glimpse of Jemma through a port hole and he automatically raised a hand to wave at her.

She waved back and he could see that she looked just as nervous and uncertain as he did.

When the plane took off, Leo watched it disappear from sight, feeling more than a little weary.

'She'll be fine,' he thought to himself. 'She'll be back soon.'

Immediately after Jemma and May's departure, Ward was sent off to France for some backup mission, leaving Fitz and Skye on the Bus while Coulson was inside the HUB.

“Maybe, they'll make us work together,” Skye mused as they waited in the lab. Leo looked at her and noticed how nervous she looked despite her feigned confidence.

“Maybe,” he agreed. “We both work on electronics. There might be some place where SHIELD needs an engineer and a hacker.”

“ Yeah,” Skye grinned. “Fitz and Skye: computer whizzes at your service. ”

Leo smiled and they spent a few hours together in the lab until a specialist came up the cargo ramp with Coulson and Skye was asked to accompany the man as a consultant for some security breach in Maine.

Skye grabbed her laptop and nodded, looking firm and confident but Leo had learned to see past that. It was her first official mission without the Team...

“You'll do fine,” he whispered when she got closer to tell him goodbye. “Just be your..usual hacker self.”

The brunette hugged him, surprising him quite a bit and nodded.

“Thanks Fitz,” she said softly and took off, leaving Leo alone. He spent the rest of the day, tinkering in the lab, checking equipment and tools and going through some of his designs .

He didn't even remember the last time that he had been alone, truly alone. There had been a moment before entering the Academy, when he had argued with Jemma but the hollow feeling he had in his chest was something that reminded him of school back in Glasgow.

Before SHIELD. Before MIT.

Before Jemma.

His mind wandered off to his partner and concern flooded him. Was she alright? When would she be back? Would he see her soon?

Coulson couldn't tell him anything about Jemma's assignment: his Level 5 status didn't allow him to get that sort of information. He only knew that she was working on the 0-8-4 whose blueprints he had on his workbench and had to assess if it had any value for SHIELD.

Leo didn't get much sleep that night: he was constantly tossing and turning and gave up after a few hours. After a strong cup of tea, he was newly in the lab, trying to ease his mind off his many thoughts, most of which revolved around Jemma.

Coulson appeared around seven in the morning and if he was surprised that Fitz was in the lab, he didn't show it.

“Any assignment for me, Sir?” Leo asked, looking up from his design.

“ Not yet,” Coulson replied. “I had an update from May and Simmons last night.” He held out his hands as Leo's eyes widened. “They're fine, Fitz. Simmons is pretty hard at work. Actually, according to May, she's doing  _ all  _ the work: the other agents can't keep up.”

Leo smiled.

“Sounds like Simmons...” Jemma was a whole other level compared to the other scientists and he was immensely proud to be the only one that could work with her equally.

Coulson left and Leo was left alone again. He eyed his tablet and wondered if writing an email to Jemma would put either in trouble: _ no one  _ had really said that they couldn't keep in contract.

He launched the Mail app and quickly typed a small message.

 

[15:40 - To jemma_simmons] – Hey, Jemma.. How are things going in the desert?

He was expecting to wait a while for a reply and was pleasantly surprised when he heard the ring of a received mail while reading an article, minutes later

[15:45 - To leo_fitz] – The 0-8-4 has been cleared. I'm on my way home.

Leo grinned. She was coming back...

[15:50 - To jemma_simmons] – Great.. :) I'll be waiting for you then.

[15:55 - T0o leo_fitz] – See you in a few hours.. :)

 

For the first time since he was in the HUB, Leo was glad that he was alone. He'd have a hard time hiding the dopey grin adorning his face right now...

When the plane landed, Leo was waiting there and felt a little twinge in his chest as soon as he got a glimpse of Jemma. As she approached him, smiling widely, he had to stop himself from pulling her into a hug and just smiled.

“Welcome back,” he said.

“Thank you,” She looked at him intently and Leo realised that she might have been feeling as weary about their separation as he did. As they walked back into the lab, chatting about her mission and 0-8-4, Leo felt better: everything fell into the right place again.

  
  


-

Leo failed to hide a smile as he unbuckled his seat belt and stood up, ready to leave the plane. A group of agents on board looked at him with a sour face.

 

Oh well, serves them right...

 

He had been called to join a team heading to New York a couple of hours after Jemma's return from the Sahara. The Operations’ facility there had a damaged mainframe and issues with their communication. Leo found himself with a team of mostly senior Sci-Ops agents and a few from Operations: a grand total of seven people. He had been leafing through the documentation of the damage during the briefing and concluded that a few hours would be enough to repair everything. When he voiced this aloud, the four Sci-Ops agents had scoffed at him.

More than a little bit miffed by their attitude, Leo had bid Jemma goodbye, saying that he'd be back by night. Because he would.

As he predicted, the damaged mainframe was quickly repairable. He managed to have it fixed with the aid of a couple of Sci-Ops agents that worked in the facility and had restored their comm system.

All on his own.

He quickly realised that the senior Sci-Ops agents were inclined for a more theoretical rather than practical resolution. And they believed that while they sprouted ideas and theories, the other people (namely the younger agents) had to work for them.

But Leo didn't believe in any of that nonsense and believed in facts and quick answers.

Despite being the youngest agent there, the other non-scientists agents took his solid explanation to solve the problem as the definite resolution. A few hours later, they were all on the plane back to the HUB and Fitz had been on the giving end of many compliments.

That made the senior Sci-Ops agents stew in their anger and envy.

Jemma noticed this while she greeted him when he got back and failed to hide a smile.

“You didn't make many friends during that mission, did you?” She asked teasingly as they walked up the cargo ramp. Leo snorted.

“Not at all. They were just too obnoxious,” he replied. “What's the point of discussing every single thing? The mainframe's logic board and silicate encasing were damaged: just fix it!”

He grinned when she laughed.

“So, anyone else back?” He asked as they went upstairs to the lounge room. It was all too still: without the noise of the engine and air conditioning system and the lack of the Team being there; it was eerily quiet.

Jemma looked at him after taking in the empty room.

“Skye's somewhere in the HUB, briefing for that data security breach in Maine,” she said softly. “Ward got back and was sent off to-” She switched the kitchenette's lights on, looking thoughtful. “-Manila, I think, with May: something about a black market selling unknown power sources that function on Gamma radiations. Coulson was having multiple meetings with HQ.”

“Oh,” he remarked. “So it's just us here.” That was something that hadn't occurred in a while: them being completely alone.

“Yes...” She looked at him with a soft look. “Are you hungry? I can see if I can get something quickly done for dinner.”

He looked at her carefully, sensing that something was... off. She walked in front of him, stretching her arms over head and he noticed the slightly slower, almost sluggish movements of her body. Jemma was usually more agile and graceful...

He had a sense of déjà-vu: she used to be like this when exams were near and she wore herself off studying late at night. When she used to forsake sleep for more hours to revise.

 

Jemma was exhausted.

 

He quickly approached her turned figure and grabbed the hand that was reaching up to open a cupboard.

She turned around abruptly, amber eyes widening in surprise and face inches away from his. For once, he didn't notice their closeness as he was too preoccupied observing her.

“F-Fitz, what-?” She stuttered and he saw the flush spreading up her cheeks under the kitchenette's lights. Nevertheless, he noticed the dark rings beneath her eyes and the fatigue etched on her features. She looked as though she could collapse any minute.

“Did you even sleep since we got here?” He asked. Forty eight hours had passed between their arrival here at HUB and her mission. And they hadn't been resting enough before that with all the work they'd been doing on the Bus. He frowned when she shook her head, confirming his fears.

She smiled slightly, disentangling her hand from his. He hadn't even realised that he was still holding her.

“ I'll sleep tonight,” She reassured him, “It's just that.. I got here and then  _ you  _ left immediately afterwards and I just couldn't...” She looked away, avoiding his gaze.

Leo blinked. Twice.

She couldn't sleep because...  _ he  _ was away? He felt a little tingle of giddiness intermingling with the concern that he had been feeling towards her.

He had trouble sleeping while she was away as the thoughts for her well-being swirled in his mind. It seemed that she had been facing the same concerns...

He felt warmth seep onto his face.

“Well... I suppose we'll both be sleeping tonight then...” He admitted as he scratched the back of his neck with his hand. Jemma looked at him with wide eyes and he managed a little bashful smile.

His heart twisted in his chest when she smiled back, tentatively.

There was something simmering between them, the uneasiness slowly melting into something softer and warmer. It brought back memories of moments when they were younger.

Moments when being close to each other didn't make them step back but move forward...

He didn't want to rush it though. They had many unsaid things between them and doing something hurriedly now might not help them.

Leo cleared his throat after few moments of silence where they just looked at each other.

“So... I'd say no to cooking dinner,” he said. “You make the tea and I'll make us some sandwiches.”

Jemma broke eye contact and nodded, turning towards the pantry. He walked towards the fridge and opened it.

“Alright,” she replied. “There's some aioli if you-”

He found the container as she spoke.

“Found it!” He announced and picked other ingredients for their quick dinner and he heard her put the kettle on.

They fell into a routine that they had perfected throughout the years of living together: without getting into each other's way, they started picking plates and mugs, spoons and knives and got their tasks done.

Leo felt a smile on his face as he cut the mozzarella and bread, lathering a slice with some pesto aioli. In this suddenly quiet Bus, he could hear Jemma rummaging in the cupboards behind him for the tea bags

It reminded him of countless mornings before classes or work, of years of meals prepared together at MIT, the Academy and Sci-Ops.

They did cook on the Bus too but it occurred more rarely and they were always with, at least, one of their teammates. Being on their own was a bit of a luxury...

“It's December tomorrow,” He heard Jemma's stunned voice and turned around, arching a brow.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “You just noticed that?”

“Yes!” She looked bewildered. “It doesn't even feel like winter.”

“ Oh, it  _ does _ . It was freezing in New York.” He usually did well with cold but going into chilly New York with a coat without a scarf or gloves had been too much even for him.

“Fitz, I have been twice in the Saharan desert where 15 °C degrees is deemed as cold.” Leo snorted at her blunt tone. “And then I've been locked in the HUB.”

He looked at her teasingly.

“You should be glad,” he said with a grin. “You love winter but tend to freeze in the cold. This time you got the warmth.” Never for the life of him he could understand how she loved winter when she was always so cold...

“It doesn't feel like winter. Hell, it will be Christmas in four weeks and I barely feel the spirit.”

There was an edge of melancholy in her tone, almost sadness, that tugged at his heart. He fully turned towards her, leaning on the kitchenette's small table.

“Oh you will...” He reassured her. “Once we're back to normal..”

“And when would that be?”

“ I don't know... Probably when we're flying around on the Bus again,” He realised that his assertion depended on Victoria Hand's word _i_ _ f _ she allowed them to leave after the established two weeks there at the HUB. “Or.. well, we could ask for a few days off, you know? Go home for Christmas?”

His mind was suddenly full of memories of the past years when, despite work, they would arrange their flight tickets to go to Sheffield and then Glasgow or the other way around. He honestly doubted that they could go back to their families this year: the Bus was not Sci-Ops and they couldn't leave easily.

But if they were to stay in America? Boston was not far away...

“ I doubt that Coulson -no, maybe  _ he  _ would- but SHIELD wouldn’t allow us to go back to UK..” She dismissed his suggestion with a small wry smile, probably thinking that taking days off was something that they'd lost once they left Sci-Ops.

He looked at her, lost in his thoughts. Yes, UK was probably off-limits but-

“I meant our house” he said. “Our apartment in Boston.”

He was thinking about the red bricked building they had found while house hunting during their last weeks at the Academy. Jemma had been the one to find the offer on a house renting website and had enthusiastically called him to see it.

It was an old building, restored recently but that still had that old fashioned shine about it. It had red bricks and dark doors and windows with a small common garden adorned by a little fountain and small benches, guarded by a thick iron gate. It was four stories high and there were no more than ten apartments in it. Leo had liked it because it was quiet and well connected: they were used to going everywhere with the subway or by bus.

Jemma had fallen in love with the apartment itself. It was on the fourth floor, it wasn't richly furnished so they could buy and personalize their home and there was a large balcony that went around the length of the building, adjoining the kitchen and the living room from outside.

There were two bedrooms, large windows that filled the rooms with light and smooth wood panelled floors. There was a small but functional kitchen and a spacious living room with two large plush armchairs where they used to read together before they found their couch in a market while exploring their neighbourhood.

And there was the balcony that gave onto the small park nearby.

They both liked the house because it was comfortable even before they had gotten used to it and before their things had been scattered around it making it feel more lived in.

Afterwards, it just felt like home.

They had kept the lease when they left Sci-Ops for the Bus: neither had wanted to pack and leave the apartment. UK was home because of their families but the apartment...?

Boston had been the place where they had grown up together during MIT and where they had come back to settle down after the Academy.

It was  _ their  _ home.

He looked at Jemma, wondering if she thought about the place as their little private world just like he did. She was staring at him, amber eyes wide and…

He couldn't explain the emotion going through them.

And  _ that  _ made him uneasy.

Had he overstepped some unsaid boundary line between them? He realised that she just mentioned Christmas and probably thought about her family while he talked about their apartment and that meant spending the festivity together. Alone.

It would be like their first Christmas together at MIT when they were starting to get to know each other. After all the mess they'd gone through recently (assignments, Jemma almost dying, his almost-suicidal mission and retrieving Coulson), they needed a bit of time off.

It would be nice to be just them, FitzSimmons, for a few days.

But perhaps she didn't want to... He felt a little seed of doubt in his chest.

Leo swallowed dryly, ready to take back his suggestion when Jemma took a step forward towards him. “That would be lovely,” she said. “I mean... We could go there for the holidays. Just... us.” She blushed slightly and shot him a soft look that made his doubts flee.

“Yeah..?” He asked, barely caring to be embarrassed for the hopeful tone in his voice.

“Yeah,” She smiled and nodded. He grinned, turning back to finish preparing their sandwiches.

They fell into a comfortable silence and Leo’s mind was brought back to other moments when they'd been side by side, finishing their tasks without needing to talk to each other.

He'd never had this kind of silent understanding with anyone but Jemma.

He felt her move past him to the sink, arm brushing his arm and looked up, feeling warm but not embarrassedly awkward. She shot him  a small smile before taking the steaming mugs of tea and he picked the plates, their sandwiches ready and cut in half and headed to the lounge room.

Dinner was a quick business as it usually was since they'd joined the Team. There wasn't really space or time for regular cooked meals and the few times Jemma opted for something more savoury, they quickly  ate in the kitchenette with some of their teammates.

Sitting on the couch, eating slowly and talking every now and then, made him think of late study nights or quick breaks before going back to work.

Jemma's parents often commented that they were awfully domestic and Leo never realised how much he revelled on that throughout the years.

He had turned on the screen in the common room at some point after they finished eating and a historical documentary was droning on some random channel he had found as they sat side by side.

At some point, after he had gone to put their plates in the kitchenette, he noticed Jemma's head lulling to a side as tiredness took over her. He reached for a blanket that was lying nearby: the Bus was getting colder...

Leo waited until her breathing turned regular and slowly moved her to a more comfortable position as he draped the blanket over her. His fingers barely touched her head when he shifted her so that she was sleeping against him, head on his shoulder: he was sure that she wouldn't mind getting some body heat from him while she was dozing off.

Jemma looked peaceful when she was sleeping, face calm without the little lines of worry that he'd often seen in the past weeks. He slowly shifted in his seat and turned the screen off, focusing all of his attention to the woman by his side while he ran a hand up and down her back soothingly. He took a deep breath and the scent of lavender that he had long come to associate with her filled his senses.

Leo smiled, feeling warm affection brimming in his chest as he looked at her.

His feelings for her might be confused ( _ still _ ) but he knew that beneath the partnership and friendship, there was a vein of something stronger, less platonic and clearly deeper.

 

If only  he was brave enough to try...

 

Exhaustion was creeping on him too, making him doze off and wake up randomly. He woke up at some point, hours later, when he felt her move. He looked down after blinking a few times to clear his head and found a set of amber eyes staring at him with a soft, searching look that made his heart lodge in his throat.

It would be so easy to cup her face and kiss her. Tempting. But he couldn't do it. Not now.

They were headed somewhere.... Their feelings were slowly unravelling before their eyes, affection and care exposed between them as they tried to understand how to deal with these emotions.

He had to be patient. He'd waited for years:  _ they  _ had waited for years.

What would a little more time do?

Leo smiled, moving his finger along her spine.

“Is this alright?” He asked softly.

“Yes..” She whispered, snuggling her face against the crook of his neck. He smiled at the sleepy note in her voice. “You should get some sleep too..”

“I will...” He promised and feeling slightly more daring than usual, he moved down to brush a kiss against her hair. “Goodnight.”

Her hands encircled his arm as she snuggled closer and he felt her smile against his neck, lips upturning.

“Goodnight,” Her warm voice was the last thing he heard before falling asleep.

 

-:-

 

The two weeks passed and the Bus didn’t move from the HUB. It seemed that Victoria Hand had other plans in mind for the Team...

On the fourteenth day of their stay, FitzSimmons were in the lab, comparing notes and thoughts about their recent missions. Jemma had just come back from a small city in Ecuador where she was asked to analyse some odd biological samples. Leo had been in Mexico, after dealing with some tech trouble in a facility there and had landed at the HUB shortly before her departure.

They were surprisingly free now and had spent the morning together having breakfast and then working in the lab.

Somehow, they'd been lucky enough to never be apart for more than 24-36 hours. They had fallen into new routines of waiting for each other, having late meals together and promptly falling asleep on the couch before waking up in the middle of the night and sheepishly go into their bunks.

They rarely got to see their teammates together:  Coulson was the only one fixed at the HUB while the others were regularly sent around the world for missions.

They were all a little weary about the HUB. Leo wondered if this wasn't all just a ruse to dismantle the Team and get them to work separately here...

Coulson wouldn't allow it though...

 

Leo looked up from his work and saw Jemma sorting out some notes at her workbench. He smiled slightly when she tucked a wayward curl of hair behind her ear and scribbled something.

Leo would  _ never  _ allow anyone to separate them.

 

But he didn't think that he had the decision making power...

 

When Coulson walked into the lab hours later, Leo knew that something was off. The firm set of his Superior Officer's jaw and the solemn look in his eyes made him understand that he wasn't here to tell them that the Team was cleared to leave.

May, who was just behind Coulson, looked just as grim.

Leo glanced at Jemma and saw a flash of concern in her eyes as she stood up. He knew that the same emotion was mirrored on his face.

Coulson stared at them, looking almost apologetic.

Leo hadn't said this to Jemma but he had asked Coulson about the possibility of leaving for Boston for Christmas.

Well, perhaps  _ asked  _ was not the correct term: 'stuttered madly, failing to be vague until the older agent got the meaning of it' was more like it.

Coulson had shot him an amused smile when he had squeaked out that the request of leave for a few days was for him and Simmons. The man replied that he'd do his best to give the whole Team a few days off at least during the holidays.

Maybe, he had come over to say that it wasn't possible. Perhaps the Team was stranded here at the HUB until the new year and couldn't leave...

Leo didn't want to see the look of disappointment cross Jemma's face again. They had called their families a few days ago to tell them that they wouldn't be coming home this year and... well... 

The conversation had left them both more than a little melancholic.

“Fitz,” Coulson said in a brisk, business like tone. “You're off for a mission in Russia with a team of Sci-Ops agents and specialists in half an hour. May will accompany you. SHIELD has detected security breaches in a old post-war facility that has been used to monitor the separatists there. You're going as the technician to fix or rebuild a stable mainframe and radio system. Anyway, you'll know the rest about the mission while in flight.”

Leo nodded quickly.

“Yes Sir,” he replied. “I'm ready. I just have to-”

“You should pack, Fitz,” Coulson's words made him start in surprise. Pack? He hadn't been away for more than two days at most: why the hell should he pack?

Unless...

“How long is this mission?” Simmons asked quietly from his side. Leo glanced at her and saw the lingering concern in her eyes as she voiced his own question.

“At the moment, it's undefined,” Coulson stated.

 

_ Undefined? _

The word sank in heavily into Leo's chest. But the worst was yet to come...

 

“The mission is in a fragile area. Agent Hand doesn't want any of our agents to be in danger. So...” Coulson looked at him and Jemma and Leo felt a little tingle of dread. “The mission requires radio-silence. No communication of any sort towards anyone. The HUB will find alternative ways to reach you.”

 

Leo felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach. He didn't dare to turn to Jemma but the little intake of breath that he heard made something twist in his chest.

They had kept in contact during missions with emails and, when they were working in other labs, Skype. It gave them that little bit of comfort to be able to talk to each other despite being apart.

And being in a foreign lab without their partner was just...odd.

Not seeing Jemma everyday was hard enough... but not hearing her? At all?

For an undefined quantity of time?

 

Leo felt his heart twist painfully.

 

Coulson and May stared at them without saying a word but there was a hint of something close to comprehension in their eyes.

Leo wondered what the senior agents thought about them...

Two young agents, still green for fieldwork but already with a handful of dangerous missions in their pockets; two scientists who talked and understood each other while the rest of the Team didn't. Two individual agents who have long been defined as one. A male and female agent who were partners and had always stated that there was nothing more between them.

If he said something, if he protested or even complained, would that be a way of admitting something to SHIELD?

He and Jemma were getting closer again...

Would that have them  go through a trial for breaching Section 17 even though nothing had truly happened?

He didn't want to risk it. So Leo swallowed his emotions (yet again) and nodded at Coulson.

“I'll be ready in twenty,” he said and left the lab.

 

-

 

He was about to leave his bunk, backpack almost ready when he heard his door open with a slight hissing sound. Leo didn't have to turn around to know who it was: the waft of lavender that reached him gave away that Jemma was there. He turned around and she got inside, closing the door behind her.

“Take this,” she said softly, handing him a small package. He arched a brow. “It's a basic med-kit. It might be useful... Just in case...”

Jemma held his gaze for a few seconds before looking away, training her eyes on everything but him.

Leo looked at her for a moment and turned to put the little box away.

“Thank you,” he whispered and silence fell between them.

 

It felt like Ossetia all over again.

 

There were things that he wanted to say, words that had been on the tip of his tongue for a while... Last time, she had jumped off the plane and he was leaving for a dangerous mission. This time he was leaving without knowing when ( _ if _ ...but he didn't linger on that thought...) he'd be back.

And she'd be here...and he wouldn't know if she'd left to some dangerous place.

“Don't do anything-”

“-rash while you're gone?”

He turned around. Jemma was looking at him, eyes concerned but with a small, uncertain smile on her face. Leo smiled slightly.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “No jumping off planes or shooting superior officers in the chest.” He kept his tone light and teasing and grinned when Jemma let out a small puff of laughter and approached him.

“And you don't befriend Russian mobsters and earn cute nicknames,” she teased. He scoffed. Bloody Ward had to tell her about Martha, Vladimir and him being called 'Misha'

Jemma's smile turned softer as she approached him a little bit more and reached for his wrist, eyes low as her fingers curled around it.

“Be careful, yeah?” She whispered. Leo felt his heart twist in his chest and nodded. Jemma then stared at him, a searching look crossing her face before she stepped even closer and wrapped her arm around his neck, hugging him close.

Leo froze for a second, overwhelmed by having her suddenly so close and then relaxed, putting his free arm around her shoulders.

It had been a while since they'd hugged each other. He held her, relishing in her presence and warmth.

“You too,” he said softly. “Be safe, Jemma.”

Her head was nestled against his shoulder and he felt her nod. He felt her fingers tighten around his wrist.

If he saw her upset or worried, he'd never be able to leave... As much as he wanted to stay with her, he had to obey and go on the mission.

“Once I'm back... We'll get a couple of days off and go home for Christmas,” he said against her hair. “I've mentioned it to Coulson: he said it's all right for him.”

“Really?” She moved her head to look at him and Leo felt his heartbeat pick up. She was so close he could make out the various shades of colour that made her amber eyes. He nodded slowly.

Jemma looked at him and he could see a flurry of emotions go through her eyes: surprise, confusion and then...something he couldn't define. He felt her fingers tighten the grip around his wrist.

He was about to ask her what was wrong when she smiled slightly, making the words die in his throat.

“I'll be waiting then,” she said. Leo smiled.

 

“ _ Fitz, the plane will leave in ten minutes!” _

 

Coulson voice reached them from downstairs. Reluctantly, Leo moved away from Jemma, expecting her to do the same but she didn't move.

She was biting her lip and had that peculiar searching look on her face again. But before he could say or do anything, she stepped up and brushed a kiss to his jaw, making his heart thump erratically.

“Be safe, Fitz,” she whispered, drawing back from him.

“I will, Jemma...” He said, staring at her. “I'll be back soon: I promise.”

She smiled and he felt his resolve harden.

 

He'll keep that promise.

 

-:-

 

Leo pushed a cart filled with metallic components, logic boards and circuitry down a hallway and into the room that was destined as a makeshift dumpster.

 

Leo was on the verge of shouting and breaking everything that he could find.

 

Everything about this mission was hell.

And he hadn't seen Jemma in almost ten days.

 

The facility in Russia had been an old Cold War structure used for military and scientific purposes. It was located somewhere close to Ukraine and was quite large: two stories and a large underground basement where the electric panels and alternative energy sources were located.

He didn't know which military group had used it before but SHIELD had been using it for a few months until the security and communication systems had failed.

Despite the facility's size, the problem itself was quite easy to fix. They had to rebuild the mainframes and program the whole system again. But there were a few issues.

First of all, they were in the middle of an area that was volatile. May and the other specialists had been checking the borders and guarding the facility day and night. Whenever he caught a glimpse of her, Leo would see that his teammate was unscathed and in charge of the whole security patrol.

Not that it surprised him... She was the Cavalry.

Second, the material. The facility was quite isolated and they couldn't communicate with the HUB to get the material they needed for the repairs. All communications went through a private encrypted line that the head of the mission, Agent Michael Strauss, Level 7 Sci-Ops agent, had.

Agent Strauss was one the scientists that had gone with Leo to New York. He was the one that would rather waste time thinking about all the ways to solve a problem rather than practically solving it.

An American Sci-Ops agent that was in the team with him had mentioned that Strauss was an 'old school' SHIELD agent: good at his time but no longer relevant. He could be a hindrance in doing the work.

Leo had learned that immediately.

Three days at the facility and they yet had to rebuild the mainframe: Strauss was taking his time going through the material list and seeing if everything was truly necessary.

Leo had scoffed when he heard about this: he was the only engineer there and he had written the list; if there was a list of important agents for the resolution of the mission, after Strauss there was Fitz. And it seemed that Strauss wasn't going to give the younger agent any commanding power. Not that Leo ever asked for it…

He had other thoughts in his mind….

Three days there and Leo still walked into his makeshift lab and expected Jemma to appear at his side, pulling out her tablet to check on the data the DWARFs had taken. He missed talking to her, bouncing ideas between them in the lab and just...her.

He spent every moment wondering if she was alright...

Six days there and he felt as though his mind was going to break. He didn't have any other person to talk to there: the other Sci-Ops agent were cordial but kept the distance from the younger and more brilliant agent that was on the Superior Officer's bad books.

It had been years since he'd felt so lonely. Years since he'd felt so unaccepted, unappreciated and...alone.

He felt like a child again. He felt the hollow sadness that had swamped his heart before Jemma came along.

Leo was almost tempted to go and seek  _ May  _ to talk at this point.

So when a familiar voice called him while he was working on the new mainframe and he found himself looking at Erik Eisen, he swallowed back the old gnawing feelings that erupted in his stomach and managed to put a cordial smile on his face as they shook hands.

He was  _ that  _ desperate...

Eisen was there to work out the newly found problem of the energy sources: he had been sent there a few days ago with another team from the HUB. They talked briefly about their work and were soon interrupted by Agent Strauss himself. The senior agent had been surprised (and even slightly alarmed) to see that Fitz and Eisen knew each other. He asked to talk to Eisen about joining forces to get the facility working correctly since they were their team's Supervising Officers and both Level 7.

“Yes that might help speed up the rebuilding process,” Eisen commented in his slightly German accented voice. Leo had to hide a grin at the hint of sarcasm in his voice: the man knew (as did all the other agents) that Strauss was slowing all the operations here. He then turned to Leo, rolling his eyes without the older man seeing them and grinned.

“I've got to go, Fitz,” he said, apologizing for the inconvenience. “Just one last thing: is Jemma here too?”

Something twinged in Leo’s chest as he heard the casual, friendly way that Eisen called his partner.

It brought back memories and old fears.

It also made him realise that Eisen had been closer to Jemma in ways that he had never been.

He was her ex-boyfriend. They had been... together. It was a part of their relationship that he’d never allowed himself to think about.

The little bit of cordiality and friendliness that he had felt just shrivelled and died.

“No,” he said, voice evidently harder. “She is... should be at the HUB with the rest of the Team.” He swallowed dryly when he realised that he truly didn't know where Jemma could be at the moment.

Eisen stared at him for a moment and then smiled slightly. Leo was surprised to see something close to understanding and amusement in his eyes.

“ Oh yes, I heard about Agent Coulson's team working with Agent Hand,” he remarked. Leo swallowed a retort about the team working  _ for  _ Agent Hand. “Quite a team you have there, by the way... besides you and Jemma and Coulson, I heard that Melinda May's there too.”

“Yeah,” Leo affirmed. “She's actually here: she was sent over with me.”

Eisen looked impressed and Leo failed to feel more than a little proud. They were interrupted by a not so discreet cough coming from Agent Strauss. The German sighed.

“Give my regards to Jemma,” Eisen said. “Good to see you again, Fitz.”

“Bye, Eisen,” Leo managed to say cordially.

He didn't see the German physicist after that. He was quite sure that Strauss was keeping him away or, at least, busy enough not to seek Leo out. 

Meeting him again had made Leo's emotions even more jumbled. He kept thinking of Jemma constantly; sleep had been foregone to him ever since the mission had started between his concern for her and the distant sound of gunshots, so he thought about her night and day.

The days drifted on and their mission was, by all means, finished.

But they couldn't leave because Agent Strauss had decided that the mainframe had to be monitored. His words were that they had to be sure that the facility was working correctly before leaving.

The mainframe worked and the security system was solid: Fitz could guarantee for it but it wasn't enough. He was a mere Level 5 while Strauss was a Level 7: he was in charge.

And that was why Leo was in the 'dumpster' room. After his nth attempt to convince everyone (all the senior officers) that they could leave, Strauss basically told him to leave and do something useful like checking all the discarded and ruined material and see what was usable.

Leo huffed and stopped the cart next to a large table. On his right was a small furnace that led to a recycling machine in the basement: it was the only way to dispose of all the metallic material.

On his left was a large shelf where he could lay the good components.

It was a long and tedious work.

And utterly useless since the facility's structure had been rebuilt.

Strauss had sent Leo there just to have him away from him for a few hours.

Leo picked a logic board and put it on the table: it was old and rusty in some points. He could only smash it and throw it in the furnace.

He picked a hammer and slowly started breaking the board. It was a tedious work and Leo's mind quickly started to wander.

He hadn't seen or heard from Jemma in ten days.

He didn't know where she could be. He didn't know if she was safe.

He didn't know  _ anything _ .

 

And tomorrow was Christmas Eve.

 

He wouldn't be able to keep his promise if he was stuck here.

Leo hit the board with more force, little bits of metal flying around the place but he didn't bother.

He felt useless. And helpless.

The days spent there just highlighted how much he was used to being part of FitzSimmons and not Fitz alone. Being alone was just... _ wrong  _ now.

He had been acknowledged for his brilliance and he could get his work done without anyone else helping him but he didn't have anyone to share ideas with or that reigned in his ever simmering temper. No one to balance him. No one to understand his words and quirks.

 

No one like Jemma.

 

He had known from the start that she was different; from the moment that they had first met in London, when she smiled at him in that park before even knowing that he was going to go to MIT with her, he just knew that she could understand him.

And now that they were apart, he realised how much she had changed him, how she had made him better.

Leo was suddenly overwhelmed by memories of her, of them throughout the years. He seemed to remember every single smile and look, every single frown and eye roll, all the laughs and words.

Jemma had been by his side for ten years.

She had been  _ with  _ him and never left. She cared for him unlike anyone else he knew besides his family.

Unlike his childhood where he was resigned to solitude and late teens where he sought isolation from everyone including his mother and sister. Jemma had him yearning for her company.

Alone, he could work and live day after day. Without Jemma, he'd live missing an essential part of himself and feel as though something had been ripped away from him.

He'd be always turning to his side, expecting to see her and just find emptiness.

That was the reason that made his initial decision to not follow her to the Academy so painful. It was the main reason that had him argue with her but then accept to follow her into the field and join the Team.

There was no Fitz without Simmons: it had been something that he'd long known since they joined SHIELD.

And there was no Leo without Jemma: he'd known that since he was fifteen. His mind missed its partner and friend.

His heart longed for...its other half.

 

He loved her.

 

Leo gripped the edge of the table, knuckles turning white.

 

She could be in danger and he wouldn't know. And if she was, hopefully safe at the HUB, he wouldn't be able to be with her.

He had promised to be back soon, promised that they'd spend Christmas together as they'd always had in the last ten years.

Just imagining Jemma's disappointed face made him cringe with self-loathing.

  
He had to talk to her.

  
Without thinking, Leo reached for his phone inside his jeans’ pocket, his fingertip hovering over the Mail app.

He had analysed, built and tested the facility's security system: he knew that no one could hack it (perhaps Skye...) or locate them.

It didn't matter what Strauss said or affirmed: Leo knew that his work was good.

He opened the terminal screen and quickly typed down a few lines of program that would allow him a few minutes of free, undetected privacy and overrode the facility's firewall.

Five minutes...

His finger flew over the miniature keyboard as he wrote a short email to Jemma.

 

[20:50 - To jemma.simmons] – I'm fine, just stuck here trying to understand if this mainframe is stable. I'm pretty sure it is but the others are not convinced. I can't leave until they are certain. I'm so sorry, Jemma.

 

If she answered soon, he'd know that she was fine. If she didn't.... Leo swallowed dryly: he couldn't think of that...

He wanted to say so much more. There were so many things that he wanted her to know, so much that he should have said before. It just didn't seem right now that he was on the other side of the world...

He wanted to talk to her... See her.

Feeling a lump lodging in his throat, Leo typed the most honest admission of his emotions to Jemma.

 

[20:51 – To jemma.simmons] – I miss you.

 

He held the phone in his hand, swallowing thickly as the minutes passed. When a ringtone softly announced a new email, he immediately clicked the notification.

 

[20:55 - To leo.fitz] - I miss you too.

 

That single line manage to shatter the little composure he was gripping on. He could imagine her face and voice as she said it.

And he was stuck here in  _ bloody  _ Russia. He put his phone away and looked at the half broken logic board on the table. He was stuck doing this bloody useless work... Anger, disappointment and sadness mingled altogether inside him

Leo didn't realise what he was doing...

 

He hit the table hard with his fists, breaking the board further and managing to scrape his hands on the metallic components.

He hadn't given in to his repressed feelings in years and it all came out now.

He started throwing the broken parts around the small room, relishing in the crashing sounds and hands hitting any solid surface: table, walls...

He choked out pained gasps but wouldn't allow himself to cry: he just wanted all of this out of him. Nevertheless, tears started streaming down his face.

Ignoring the little jolts of pain, he picked another board and threw it.

 

-

 

Had he been more careful, he would have noticed the shadow just outside the isolated room.

May watched the young engineer -the usually grumpy, often cocky but  _ mild  _ engineer- destroy a cart of old metal components with his bare hands while tears slid down his cheeks.

Her usually impassive face showed a hint of emotion and she walked away, gait full of resolve.

  
  


-:-

His rampage ended as quickly as it had started.

When his breathing eased and he felt his hands tingling with miniature cuts and scrapes, Leo sighed, drying his face with his sleeve, and started picking the metal scraps and tossed them on the table.

The room was a mess on its own and no one would notice the additional bits on the ground or dents on the walls.

With a heavy heart, he picked the hammer that had landed on the ground, ready to continue his work.

“Fitz.”

Leo nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise and abruptly turned around.

“May!” He exclaimed looking at his teammate. “Bloody hell... I didn't hear you!”

“Get ready,” the woman said. Leo blinked. He'd been here for...1-2 hours? What had happened?

“What?”

“Pack your things.”

“But-wha-” His PhD mind was struggling. “Strauss finally decided that my work is good?”

“Agent Strauss is still monitoring,” May's voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Then why-?”

“You're leaving.”

Leo blinked.

“Another mission?” He felt his heart sink. May stared at him.

“No, Fitz, I contacted the HUB-”

“ Strauss  _ allowed  _ you?” May frowned and Leo swallowed dryly. Better not to interrupt her...

“Agent Strauss forgot that he's not the only Level 7 agent here,” she said curtly. “I spoke with Coulson: you're going back.”

Leo stared at her. His heartbeat picked up pace.

“I'm going back to the HUB?” He asked. Thousands of thoughts crossed his mind. “But the mission? And-why? And... what about you?”

If he didn't know better, he'd say that May's lips lifted at the corners.

“Coulson will get me out of here,” she remarked. “A truck will get you to Moscow and from there, you'll take a plane to Boston.”

Leo’s eyes widened.

“Boston?” Did that mean-?

“Coulson gave you three days off-duty, as you asked, and he got you a ticket to Boston from Moscow,” May explained. “Simmons will be waiting for you there.”

Leo felt his chest swell: Jemma would be waiting for him at home...

“Yes,” he replied slowly, finally realising that he was truly leaving the facility. “I-I'll get my bag.”

“ Ten minutes, Fitz,” This time he was  _ almost  _ sure that May was smiling despite the deadpan voice.

“Yes!” He rushed out of the door, a smile making its way on his face for the first time in ten days.

  
  


-

The trip to Moscow was quite uneventful: he was picked up by a delivery truck -that was actually a SHIELD vehicle- and dropped at the airport.

His field gear had been taken by May -backpack, Night-Night gun and DWARFs case- and he had all of his things inside an anonymous duffel bag and he boarded the flight without problems.

When he landed at Boston, hours later, it was snowing. Hard. The taxi took  _ forever  _ to get to the apartment and when he got down, it was still snowing copiously. It was like he had never left Russia: how was that even  _ possible _ ?

Leo took out his keys as he trudged through the path from gate to the front door, taking in the colourful lights that adorned the windows and roofs and the decorations outside. When he looked up and saw that the lights of the apartment were on, he grinned.

Jemma was there...

As he walked up the front steps, he realised that he didn't have a Christmas present for her. Leo stopped and frowned slightly.

She wouldn't mind, he knew that...and he really didn't have time to stop anywhere to get her something.

His eyes swept over the snow covered garden in front of him and he noticed a few lumps in the middle; some children must have been playing with the snow.

He blinked.

Jemma had always built a snowman on Christmas Eve: it was an old family tradition that she had carried on throughout the years and had passed it to him as well.

He doubted that Jemma would have gone out on her own (without him) to carry on her tradition...and he doubted that they would leave the warmth of the house afterwards. Jemma might love winter but she was always cold and he didn't want her out in the blizzard.

So maybe...

Leo dropped his duffel bag by the door, tugged his scarf around his neck and went to one of the corners of the garden where he could find some clean, untouched snow.

A few minutes later, he was back by the front door, holding a miniature snowmen with tiny rocks and pebbles for mouth and eyes. The little guy didn't look that bad looking...

Shaking his head and dusting his clothes to get rid of the snow, Leo took his bag and walked inside the building. He took the stairs and felt his heartbeat rise as he got closer to the fourth floor.

He was going to see her. Now.

When he walked to the door, he put the snowman on the ground and got his keys. His eyes fell on the little brass plate near the ringer with the neat cursive writing:  _ L.Fitz-J.Simmons.  _ He smiled.

He opened the door and was enveloped by a cloud of warmth that brought relief to his chilled body and then by a delicious waft of food.

Jemma had been cooking and his stomach, that had been mostly silent in the last weeks, grumbled loudly as he dropped his bag on the floor and closed the door.

And then he saw her standing in the middle of the room, staring at him. His eyes swept over her: she looked tired but unharmed. She was fine.

Jemma was in front of him.

He moved forward and she was already halfway to him and before he knew it, her arms were around his neck. Leo didn't bother to restrain himself when he wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her, lifting her up in the process.

“God, I missed you so much,” he said, burying his face in her hair and taking in her scent.

“I missed you too,” she whispered, breath warm against his neck where she had her face. Her hands cupped his face tenderly. “You are really here...”

Her amber eyes were clear and bright, honey coloured hair tumbling loosely down her shoulders in soft curls and her smile was warm. She was exhausted: he could clearly say that by the fatigue etched on her face but...

She was beautiful in every possible way and he smiled, taking in her appearance.

“I am,” he said, putting her on the ground. His hands cupped her face, fingertips gently tracing lines on her cheeks. “And so are you, love.”

The endearment escaped his lips without his consent and yet he didn't feel the usual rush of embarrassment or the need to take it back.

Leo realised that he was tired of restraining himself... For once, he wanted to be truly honest and affectionate with her. He owed himself that much after suffering apart....

Jemma looked at him with the searching look that had puzzled him for years and blushed, pink dusting her cheeks. He smiled, feeling the soft warmth beneath his fingertips before removing his hands.

“You are probably freezing,” she remarked, taking in his appearance. “Is it really snowing so hard?”

Leo shrugged off his coat and hung it with his scarf. He raked his fingers through his hair, shaking off the last snowflakes.

“A bit...” He remarked, looking at her and remembering why he was caked in snow. “Er-but... about that... I just wanted to keep up with your tradition.” He opened the front door and picked up the snowman.

“I know that you usually build it outside before dinner but I really didn't want you out with the blizzard and so I made this little guy here...” He smiled slightly as Jemma's eyes widened. He walked towards the glass door in the living room that gave into the balcony and slid it open for the second that allowed him to put the snowman outside. The little guy was now looking at him with a crooked pebble smile.

“He shouldn't melt too fast here,” he told her, turning around. Jemma was staring at him, mouth slightly open and eyes a flurry of emotions that he couldn't define.

He suddenly felt doubtful: maybe she didn't like it? What if she'd actually wanted to make it with him?

“I-I mean...” He stuttered slightly, looking at his shoes and scratching the back of his neck. “We can make another one tomorrow. I just didn't want you to have-”

 

“Leo.”

 

He looked up with wide eyes. She hadn't called him with his name since the Academy. Jemma smiled softly and his heart twisted.

“It's perfect,” she remarked, approaching him. Before he realised it, she was in front of him. She stepped up and brushed her lips against his.

Leo's eyes widened as she kissed him: he hadn't been expecting it. It was a quick peck, feather-like and she didn't give him time to react as she stepped back.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Her words were a gentle whisper and Leo was too dazed to say anything. The kiss and the endearment had sent his heart and mind in overdrive.

Jemma's smile didn't diminish.

“You probably want to take a shower,” she said softly. “Go ahead while I get dinner done..”

He nodded numbly and walked to get his bag, feet moving on autopilot rather than his own will. He was going to leave the room when he realised what had just happened.

Jemma had given him the sign that he'd been waiting for years. She had taken that little step forward that could shift the balance in their relationship.

_ What the hell was he doing? _

Leo turned back abruptly and noticed Jemma's little jump of surprise.

He had to show her...

She had to know that they were on the same page as always and that he wanted this as much as she did.

He approached her and leaned down to peck her lips.

It was a brief contact and he stepped back immediately just like she had and smiled at her.

When she smiled back, brightly as always, he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

 

_ Finally... _

 

-:-

They were huddled on the couch together, the television playing some old Christmas film and empty mugs of hot chocolate on the small table in front of them. They had talked about their missions and about everything that had occurred in those ten days that they were apart.

Jemma was curled into him: hands on his chest and head just below his chin. Leo's arm was wrapped around her waist and he basked in the feeling of having her close to him.

“I didn't get you a present.” she said, looking up after a few moments.

“Neither did I,” he replied. He couldn't say that the snowman was a present... He looked down at her, hazel eyes peering at him through long lashes and he felt his chest tingle with a warm feeling. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her nose. “Though I was pretty lucky this year: I got to be with you.”

“That was Coulson's present,” she whispered, wrinkling her nose a bit. “He got me you.”

“Oh, really..?” He turned to her, feeling more light hearted than he had in months. “If I had known, I would dressed up with wrapping paper and put a bow on my head.”

He was feeling so ridiculously giddy. Happy in a way that he thought was impossible just yesterday. All he wanted was to see her smile and laugh...

“Now that's something I'd like to see,” Jemma laughed softly and he chuckled along.

The clock on the wall chimed, announcing that it was midnight.

Jemma moved away from him and looked up. Her face was all tenderness and warmth and Leo was sure that his face was mirroring her expression.

 

“Happy Christmas, Leo.”

“Happy Christmas, Jemma.”

 

They had been exchanging this greeting for ten years, sitting next to each in one of their families' houses or in their shared dorms or the apartment.

Leo was sure that this year he'd be alone when midnight came and that he'd be longing to hear the well known and loved voice by his side.

Judging by the look she was giving him, Jemma must have thought the same.

They looked at each other for a few moments and then moved as one, in sync now they knew what the other wanted to do.

It was what they had both wanted for years probably...

Leo felt a little rush when their mouths connected: the soft pressure of Jemma's lips and her warm breath were both familiar and new to him.

He felt her smile, the corners of her lips tugging up and he felt his heart flutter in his chest. He moved his hands around her, one resting on her hip, the other cupping her cheek and he tilted his head slightly to adjust the angle of their joint lips.

Jemma shifted forward, pressing her body to his and moved her hands up his neck, jaw and then up to his hair; her fingers raked through them, gripping slightly at his curls.

There was no stopping or doubt this time...

So when Leo tentatively ran his tongue against Jemma's lips, she brought him closer to her and allowed him to deepen the kiss, responding quite as cautiously. The little pleased sighs that escaped her throat made Leo retaliate with small sounds as his hands started moving up and down her body, tracing the soft curves.

They drew back after a while, breathless and tangled into each other but hopelessly grinning.

Leo leaned down until their foreheads touched.

“Christ,” he breathed out, gaze fixed on her. “I've been wanting to do that-”

“-for ages?” Jemma finished his sentence, smiling teasingly and sliding her fingers just behind his ears.

He smiled, moving his hands up to cup her face and caressing her cheeks.

“Yeah...” He brushed his lips against hers again for a second, feeling his heart jump. “Years...-

He wanted to say more: there were words buried in his chest and that longed to come out. Words that have been hidden for a long time and that he had always shoved away, considering them not appropriate in their friendship. They were too intimate and deep for two friends...

Those words were suddenly stuck in his throat now. He blamed the sudden daze he was in with Jemma wrapped around him and the warmth of her lips still lingering on his mouth.

Jemma took the matter in her hands: like always, she just knew...

Her hands gripped around his neck and she brushed her nose against his in soft and tender motion that made his heart melt.

“We can talk tomorrow, yeah?” She whispered, looking at him with a gentle gaze. “There's no rush, Leo.” She smiled and pecked his lips. “We've got two days for ourselves.”

He smiled and nodded slowly before bringing her face closer again and allowing all the years' pent-up emotions to fuel the kisses he gave her.

Unsurprisingly, judging by her enthusiastic response, Jemma was thinking the same.

 

-   
  


When Leo woke up, it took him a few moments to gather his thoughts and understand where he was. The events of the last few days caught up with him and he blinked.

The room was filled with grey light and it was quite cold. He shivered slightly and tried to tug his comforter up to cover himself when he realised that... he wasn't in his bed.

And the slow breathing next to him made him realise that he wasn't alone either.

Leo shifted slightly and turned his head and smiled at the sight of Jemma sleeping against him, head tucked in the crook of his neck, hair tickling his chin and arms and legs entangled with his.

The rush of affection that bloomed in his chest overcame the warm blush on his face at her proximity. She looked so peaceful when she slept...

Careful not to wake her up, Leo tried to move his arms and hands, wincing slightly at the sore feeling in his muscles for sleeping in such a cramped space.

He and Jemma might be slight enough to fill the couch together but it didn't mean that the position was thoroughly comfortable.

He sighed softly when he managed to disentangle his right arm and brought his hand up to gently stroke Jemma's hair, taking in the scent of lavender she always carried on her and looking at the features that he had long memorized.

They had shared rooms and closed spaces for years and there had been occasions when they had slept in the same bed or very close to each other.

Jemma had always been the early riser between the two -he tended to linger in bed until the very last minute he could get- so these moments with her fast asleep and him awake were rare.

He smiled softly and just spent a few moments staring at her, fingers skimming tenderly over her hair, then gliding down her shoulder and arm and then up again.

She was slight, small and delicate compared to him to the other people around them. That had always made him very protective of her: he had the lingering urge to defend and take care of her from anything and anyone.

That need often shifted into jealousy and he had to restrain himself, shunning away feelings that were not completely normal between best friends.

And now, as they were cuddled together, Leo honestly couldn't imagine loving anyone else.

Feeling overwhelmed by his emotions, he leaned down and brushed a soft, lingering kiss to Jemma's forehead and wrapped his arm around her waist.

She stirred slightly, small wrinkles appearing on her face as eyelids and mouth wavered a bit. One sleepy amber eye peered at him through lashes and loose tendrils of honey coloured hair and Leo smiled softly, moving a little against the couch's back.

“Good morning,” he whispered.

Jemma's eyes popped open, almost startled and Leo's smile widened when he saw the blush creeping up her cheeks as she took in their proximity and position.

“Good morning,” she mumbled softly and ducked her head against his chest. Her hands slowly came up to his shoulders, gripping softly. “I don't really remember how we fell asleep...or when.” Her voice came out muffled and sleepy.

“ Neither do I,” Leo remarked, gently brushing her hair away from her face with his fingers. “Last thing I recall is us-” He faltered for a moment, blushing. His last memory was of them kissing very enthusiastically...  _ Right... _

“-being occupied,” he finished, clearing his voice and ignoring the warmth coursing through him.

Jemma snorted and then looked up at him, eyebrow arched.

“That's a rather gentlemanly way to put it...” She stated, grinning at him, mirth dancing in her eyes.

He scoffed and she moved her hands up to his neck, tracing the outline of his jaw and Leo closed his eyes, savouring her touch.

They stayed in silence for a moment. Jemma shivered slightly and Leo wrapped his arms around her, lending her some of his body heat.

The quiet moment was abruptly interrupted by the loud grumble of his stomach. Leo blushed while Jemma giggled against his chest.

“Jemma...” He whined slightly, feeling the burning warmth on his face but she just laughed against him, hands curled softly around his neck. He felt his lips tug upwards at the happy sound that bubbled out of her: it had been a while since he'd heard her laugh so freely.

“Sorry, sorry...” She said after a few moments and looked up at him again, smiling. “I just forgot how demanding your stomach could be.”

“You know that it has a mind of its own,” he grumbled playfully. He craned his neck to look at the clock on the wall. “Besides, it's almost ten o'clock... I've usually eaten something by now...”

“Really?!” She twisted in his arms to look at the clock, eyes widening. “Oh... I don't even remember the last time we overslept this late. I should go and-”

She sat up and was almost halfway out of the couch when Leo grabbed her elbow.

“Woah...” He said, sitting up and stopping her. “Take it easy, Jemma: there's no rush. No one's expecting us anywhere. We're on leave, remember?”

She turned to look at him; with tousled hair, soft eyes and -he finally recognised it- his old blue jumper, she looked adorably pretty. His heart did a little twist in his chest.

Jemma smiled slightly, brushing a wayward strand of hair out of her face.

“I know that we're on leave,” she said. “I just have to get used to it. I mean- I was on the Bus yesterday and you were-”

His hand slipped down to squeeze hers.

“ We're both here now, Jemma,” He brushed his thumb against her knuckles. “And we're both fine.  _ And  _ it's Christmas so you really should be worrying too much.”

“I'm not worryi-” She started to say but stopped when he stood up. “Where are you going?”

“I'll make breakfast,” he said, stretching slightly and allowing his sore muscles to get some relief. “You can sleep some more: you need it.” She still looked tired like hell...

“I'll help you,” Jemma stood up and straightened her jumper.

“Don't worry... I'll do it. You made dinner last night and, I'm pretty sure you also had to clean the whole house, yeah?” He didn't wait for a reply because he knew that she did everything on her own.

She looked like she was going to protest and he approached her, putting both hands on her shoulders.

“Jemma, you did everything before I got here,” Leo said softly. “Let me do something, yeah?” He smiled bashfully, moving one hand to caress her face. “You know that I can't cook anything but breakfast so, let me do it.”

She looked at him with a searching look and smiled softly. He grinned.

“If you’ve bought the ingredients, I can make pancakes,” he suggested, moving away from her and turning around to walk into the kitchen. However, he was tugged back by a smaller and softer hand wrapped around his wrist.

Jemma stepped up, cupping his cheek with her free hand and brushed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. Leo blushed again and stared at her while she smiled.

“I was sort of hoping you'd make your blueberry pancakes,” she said softly. “I'll just get ready and dressed and come to make tea.”

Leo nodded, dumbly and Jemma walked to her room.

  
  


He realised that he could get  _ very  _ used to this... The touches, the kisses...  _ Jemma _ .

  
  


Blinking, Leo turned around to the kitchen, trying to refocus.

'Breakfast,' he thought. 'Right...'

  
  


-

The snow kept falling heavily, covering their balcony with a thick white quilt. At some point, Jemma dared to go out and saved the little snowman he made, perching him on an empty plant pot. Leo watched with amusement as she pulled out her phone to take a picture of it before darting back into the living room.

At his raised brow, she shrugged and pressed herself against him on the couch.

“I just wanted to have a picture to remember it,” she whispered against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him. The fond tone of her voice made him ignore the chill of her hands and just smile.

They spent the rest of the day at home, cuddled together on the couch, watching films, eating and drifting asleep together.

It seemed that their bodies were slowly trying to get back everything that they had been deprived of lately: sleep, food...and the comfort of being close to each other.

The little hugs and kisses that they exchanged in between were a very appreciated bonus.

Later in the afternoon, Jemma suggested to call their families and give their holiday greetings. It was odd enough that they weren't home with them and not hearing their voices at all would have felt even worse.

She called her parents first, happy to hear them though her eyes showed the hint of sadness for not seeing them at Christmas. Leo wrapped his hand around hers and she looked at him with a small smile, squeezing his fingers in response.

They were both pleasantly surprised when they learned that their families celebrated Christmas together despite their absence: Elaine and Jeremy Simmons were currently in Glasgow.

Alison's words summarized everything pretty nicely when Jemma turned the speaker of her phone so that they could both talk to everyone.

“We've been celebrating Christmas together for the last ten years. Honestly, we're like one big family now. No need to stop just because you two kids are working and doing God-knows-what in America.”

Leo had to admit that his sister did have a point...

They talked on the phone for a while and it was nice to hear all the familiar voices again.

“Uncle Leo, Auntie Jemma,” Alison's twins voices echoed in the living room and Leo smiled. “When are you coming to see us?”

Leo's smile faded slightly as he realised that he couldn't give them an answer. With their current line of work, going home for a visit was quite impossible...

“Soon,” he said hoping to sound convincing. “As soon as we can.”

Jemma looked at him and squeezed his knee, knowing that this vague answer was the best one he could give now

“You seem tired, darling,” his mum said softly. “Don't overwork yourself. And the same goes for you, Jemma, dear.”

“We've just been busy lately, Mum,” he replied, glad that they were not on Skype so that she could see how exhausted they looked.

“Yes, Leo and I have been working on many things-” Jemma added.

“ -but the workload should diminish now,” He glanced at his partner and shrugged as he said this little lie. He honestly didn't know how much work would await them. Or  _ what  _ would await them.

“Is this new job you've taken demanding?” Jemma's dad asked. They never mentioned SHIELD to their families: they were all thinking that they worked in some lab for a Government Agency in America.

And they knew about the Team as a new job that they've been given...

“Well, a bit...” Jemma said slowly, trying to find the right words and wringing her hands a bit.

“Jemma and I have a new lab for ourselves and we're the only scientists in this new...office,” Leo replied, helping her out. She shot him a grateful smile.

“Wait, wait, wait...” Alison said loudly. “What's going on?”

“What?” Leo and Jemma shared a glance.

“When did you start calling each other with your names again? I thought you had all those bloody strict rules.”

Leo's eyes widened. Trust his sister to notice  _ that _ . He turned to look at Jemma and saw her wide-eyed expression and blush on her face.

They hadn't really talked yet. About them.

They were... _ more  _ now but they didn't really define how much more. And it was really too early to mention the shift in their relationship to their families: they'd never hear the end of it...

Jemma looked at the phone, biting her lip, and he knew that she was struggling to find an answer. However, he also knew that Jemma Simmons was brilliant in thousands of things but not in lying or improvising.

“It's the new office,” Leo blurted out. “They have a more easy work policy: less strict rules” He wasn't blatantly lying: Coulson wouldn't care if he and Jemma called each other with their first names. Skye, on the other hand, would tease them forever...

“Hmm... Really?” Alison's tone was doubtful but she thankfully didn't ask anything else.

Leo let out a sigh and Jemma reached for his hand, twining their fingers together. He glanced at her and saw that searching look on her face again.

He smiled tentatively and she smiled back.

They ended the call, promising to to call soon and then stayed in silence for a bit. Leo looked of the window and saw that it had stopped snowing.

He glanced at Jemma again and saw how her eyes were fixed on a spot outside. He realised that she was lost in thought, probably thinking about innumerable things like he did.

He didn't doubt his feelings nor hers but he did wonder about the consequences. It wasn't just them: they had to consider the Team and SHIELD. And Section 17.

“Leo?” He turned and saw Jemma staring at him with a smile.

“Yeah?”

“Fancy a walk?” She tilted her head towards the window. “It stopped snowing and we could use some fresh air.”

“ _ Icy  _ air, you mean,” he commented, standing up. He smiled at her and held out his hand. “Come on..”

She took his hand and stood up, smiling.

 

Shortly after, they were strolling in the park near their apartment. It was empty and the only sounds they heard were their crunched footsteps in the snow.

Jemma was walking by his side, bundled in her coat, scarf and gloves and with one arm latched around his own. For the life of him, Leo couldn’t  understand how she loved winter when she was utterly freezing.

He drew her closer to him, entwining her gloved hand into his and pressing her side against his side. She could clearly use all the heat he could provide.

She noticed his actions and nuzzled against his shoulder.

“You're a human furnace,” she whispered. “It's almost unfair how warm you can be.”

“I'd say it's almost unnatural how cold you can be,” he teased. “We're from the UK: you should be used to the cold.”

“I'm used to the rain and a bit of snow,” she scoffed, tugging him down a path that led to a little secluded bench. “And Sheffield is not Glasgow.” She looked at him. “You know how different winters are there: you've seen them.”

“Yeah...” He remarked, scraping the snow of the bench with his gloved hand so that they could sit down. He then took off the damp gloves and shoved them in one of his pockets, rubbing his hands together afterwards.

“When is the Team coming to pick us up?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Day after tomorrow,” Jemma replied. “Agent Coulson said that the Bus will be at the Sci-Ops airbase early in the morning.”

“Well, we've still got the rest of the day and tomorrow for ourselves.”

“Yeah...” She reached for his hands, the material of her gloves warm and soft under his fingers and gently rubbed his fingers.

She looked thoughtful despite the small smile on her face. He stilled her hands, squeezing her fingers.

“Jemma?” She looked at him, amber eyes clear and soft and he felt something twist in his chest.

She leaned towards him until her forehead touched his jaw, hands entwined between them and breathed softly.

“I honestly thought that we wouldn't be here together,” she confessed. “I didn't know if you were alright and I was so worried about you, Leo...” Her hands' grip tightened around his. “When I read your email... I just broke down.”

Leo swallowed dryly.

“I lost it too,” he whispered in her hair. “Not knowing where you were or if you were fine was driving me mad.” He recalled his meltdown and brushed a kiss to her temple. “When May told me that I could leave and that you'd be here, I couldn't believe it.”

“ Me neither...” She looked up at him. “I think Coulson probably knows that we're more than a bit...  _ off  _ if we're not together.”

Leo thought of May, finding him after he had thrashed the room and nodded.

“We're in shambles apart and I think we're quite obvious about it,” he said, earning a small giggle from her. He smiled and moved a hand up to brush the hair out of her face.

“We're not going to hide any more, are we?” He asked softly,caressing her cheek with his fingertips. “From each other?”

Jemma blushed pink but shook her head, moving her hands around his neck.

“No, Leo...” She whispered. “I...I don't want to lie to myself any more.”

“Me neither.” He moved forward to brush his lips against her face. “I just want to be with you...”

It came out soft and a bit tentative but Jemma heard him because she tightened the grip around his neck before looking at him with a beaming smile.

Leo felt his heart stutter in his chest as he blushed and all sorts of doubts filled his mind but he shoved them away.

He'd be honest.

He'd tell her everything: he'd reveal the feelings that he'd bottled up for years.

 

But Jemma knew him better than anyone else and knew what he was going to say...

 

She played with the hair on the back of his head, fingers caressing his throat.

“I want to be with you too...” She said, bringing him closer so that they were staring at each other.

 

“ _ I love you.” _

 

The words came out easily -surprisingly- and reverberated in Leo's head for a moment. And then all the air whooshed out of him as he fully realised that he'd declared his love to Jemma Simmons.

And she had done the same at the same time. A wide smile appeared on his face.

Jemma beamed at him and he could still feel her smile when he moved down to kiss her.

When they parted, they stayed close, heads touching and smiles unwavering.

“Our mothers will start celebrating the moment they know,” Jemma commented, laughing against his cheek. Leo grinned.

“Yeah...and Alison will have a field day,” he added.

“Dad will tease us and Gran will pester me saying 'I told you!'”

“ Alec will  _ never  _ stop teasing us...”

And yet their smiles didn't diminish. They sat there in silence for a while until a chilly gust of wind started to blow around and made them shiver.

Jemma huddled against Leo as they walked back to the apartment.

“I've been wanting to tell you for a long time,” Leo confessed after a bit, taking her hand in his and shoving both in his pocket.

“When?” Jemma asked looking at him with a soft look. He felt his face warm up: when did he start seeing her as something more than a friend?

“The Academy... Maybe a little bit earlier: Ali’s wedding probably..” He glanced at her. “I was too damn scared to tell you... I was terrified that-”

“-it would ruin us...” She finished. “I didn't say anything for the same reason.”

Leo looked at her and smiled at the tender look on her face.

“Since when, Jemma?” He asked softly. She blushed slightly.

“Since Alison's wedding,” she said. “But I also thought about you that way when... you know...we fought.”

“ When I kissed you...” That moment had  _ definitely  _ been a wake-up call for him. The mere thought of losing her made him throw all caution to the wind.

“ When  _ we  _ kissed,” she corrected him. “Actually, we snogged but-” She faltered blushing.

He nodded silently, thinking about that day and realising that his twenty year old self had been  _ very  _ keen in kissing Jemma.

He often wondered what would have happened to them if they hadn't stopped then; if their doubts hadn't halted their frantic kisses, would they have allowed lust, heat and hormones to take over? Would they have been together since then?

He looked at Jemma, pressed at his side and looking at him warmly and smiled.

They were together now: that was all that mattered.

And they had pressing matters to talk about too...

“What will we do with SHIELD?” He asked, turning to her. “And-”

“-Section 17?” She completed. Jemma bit her lip as she thought. “Honestly... Should we really tell them?”

Leo stopped on his tracks and stared at her.

Was Jemma Simmons really saying to  _ lie  _ to SHIELD?

She looked at him and rolled her eyes.

“ Don't give me that look...” She said, tugging him forward so that they would keep walking. “You know that I'm  _ horrible  _ at lying... I'm just saying that- How many people assumed that we were together? At the Academy? Sci-ops? Even Skye. And we've always fended everything off. So... why should we go and tell SHIELD about... _ us  _ now?”

Leo's eyes didn't leave Jemma while she talked. As he opened the gate and then the front door, he mulled over her words.

She did have a point...

He realised that he had been quiet for a while and looked up to find Jemma staring at him with a worried face. She had already taken off her winter garments while he was still with his coat and scarf. Quickly shedding off the extra clothing, Leo approached her.

“Sorry, I was thinking,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “You're right: we know where we stand for each other and...we don't have to tell anyone else.”

“So, you agree to keep everything secret?” She peered at him through her lashes. “I mean- We've never been particularly outspoken about anything-”

“-besides science, you mean?”

“Yeah... We'll just behave as usual and that's that. SHIELD won't put us through a Section 17 trial and we'll be in a relationship...”

Leo felt his heart swell in his chest and smiled at her. Jemma held his gaze for a moment before ducking to hide her face in his chest.

“D-Don't look at me like that, Leo,” she stammered and he grinned seeing the red colouring her neck and tip of her ears.

“Why not?” He teased softly, cupping her face and urging her look at him. His grin widened as he took in her blushing face.

“ I'm not used to you looking at me like....  _ that _ .”

“You just admitted that we're in a relationship. Give a bloke a moment to get used to that, love.”

Jemma looked at him with tender eyes and he felt a wave of warmth on his face too.

“So...I'll get that look every time we're alone?”  She smiled and he nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Along with the smile and endearment?” Her eyes were glowing.

“If you want it,” he admitted. “That sort of slipped out before I knew it.”

His blush darkened when she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him down for a quick kiss. He swallowed dryly at the warm look she shot him.

“Well then... I might be able to get used to that,” she remarked and he pecked her lips. “I could really get used to it, sweetheart.”

Leo smiled, leaning down to kiss her again.

  
  


He could easily get used to this too.

  
  


-:-

 

When they boarded the Bus, Leo was glad to see the whole Team.

Skye came and hugged them both tight, smiling broadly. Coulson greeted them with a smile. May and Ward gave them a nod that was almost like having them smile.

They were back to their life: no HUB or Victoria Hand to deal with.

Everything was back to normal.

 

And yet it wasn't.

 

He and Jemma didn't behave in any way that could be deemed suspicious or different from their usual selves. They walked into the lab to check their equipment and then went to their bunks to unpack.

They were the usual FitzSimmons for the Team...

No one had to know about the hugs and kisses they had shared in these days; or how they cuddled to sleep in the same bed or on the couch.

Honestly, it wasn't much of a secret.

 

It was just a natural turn of events: they were both meant to come to this point.   
  


And be together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, leave a comment... :)


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